ARTICLEINDEX Jeopardy SLC: J-squad •

vs. AcaDeca resultsMr. Tyni joins •“Dancing With the Stars”Fashionista•

Alligator Wrestling re-•places E/I classes

Mrs. Lasarow named •new track coachSecrets of exclusive •fence-climbing society

NEWS FEATURESFUNFUN-FUNFUN

X-TREMESPORTS

The OdDITYApril 1, 2011 Volume LII Issue 3Ulysses S. Grant High School

New Jeopardy SLC sparks intense competition between AcaDeca and the class formally known as JournalismBy HOVANES MESTDZHDYN

On Tuesday, Mrs. Ibach announced that a new Small Learning Community is to be built. Only this SLC is much smaller than you would think.

Mr. Kruska is the one and only teacher in charge of the new SLC, because of his pro-fessional style of clothing and his impressive demeanor.

The new SLC has been themed after one of the most popular and intense game shows of all time, “Jeopardy!” Since Mr. Kruska is already coaching the Academic De-cathlon Team, he has been training his students for an op-portunity like this for years.

However, with such a fa-mousgameshowcomesfiercecompetition, and Mr. Kruska was completely shocked when he found out that his Academic Decathlon Team would be go-ing up against some unimpres-sive competitors in what used to be Mrs. Lasarow’s journal-ism class, now taught by a new teacher after Mrs. Lasarow’s promotion to Grant’s new track coach.

The new teacher’s name is unknown as of now but ru-mors have been going around

that she might be one of Mrs. Lasarow’s former students. Al-though she might look shock-ingly similar to Mrs. Lasarow in appearance, don’t be fooled, her methods of teaching are incompa-rable.

B o t h teams had e x a c t l y one week to train until the show took place.

M r . Kruska’s team, on one hand, displayed great effort in intellectually stimulating training exercises by timing themselves and see-inghowfasttheycouldfinishall equations in a math book, write all the terms of a diction-ary, and still manage to not run out of ink in their pens.

On the other hand, the journalism team had more *creative* methods of prac-tice. They trained themselves by seeing how many boxes of pizza they could eat and stack up to the ceiling in a week while drinking a can of soda

for each slice. Who knew it would only

take ninety-six boxes to reach the ceiling? At least now we know why the upstairs bath-rooms are closed in the 100

building.As soon

as game day arrived, how-ever, no one was prepared for the topics that were laid forth. Some of the top-ics included “Words that

start with G” and “Historical odysseys” and “Things that are orange.”

The game took place for two long, straight days. The Academic Decathlon Team (self-nicknamed “AcaDeca”) and the Journalism Team (more popularly known as the “J-squad”) were neck-and-neck going back and forth be-tween numerous categories.

The AcaDeca team seemed to be dominating in the “Words that start with G” category be-cause of their advantage in possessing the knowledge of

innumerable facts.It wasn’t until the second

day came along, and the J-squad hit Double Jeopardy and wentintoafinalbonusround,that the tables appeared to be turning.

The Double Jeopardy cat-egory was “Grant’s History.” Though both teams should have been completely ex-hausted, the J-squad was wide awake due to their over-con-sumption of caffeinated, sug-ary soda.

The last question which would determine the winner was displayed: “Who lies in Grant’s tomb?”

As the clock started tick-ing down, one by one each member of the AcaDeca team started to fall asleep until only one remained awake.

The members of the J-squad looked at each other and smiled in their confidence for

victory. The buzzer went off, time was up, and the answers were being revealed.

Mr. Kruska was in com-plete disbelief; his team had no answer written down! The only member in the audience gasped in shock. Then the J-squad revealed their answer, and it read “Ulysses S. Grant.” It was correct! The J-squad had won!

“We couldn’t believe we had won!” Bea Naymon, for-mer Editor of Features for the now retired Grant newspaper, The Odyssey, said. “We knew they had the years of training on their side, but we had the wonders of Coca Cola.”

Pictures were taken of the winning team, but unfor-tunately, they had all fallen asleep. It seems that the soda buzz wore off by the time they were handed the winner’s tro-phy.

PHOTO BY MYSTERIOUS NEW TEACHERThe J-squad has little time to celebrate their victory before plunging into a deep sleep after their caffeine and sugar kicks abandoned them. The lazy underdogs beat AcaDeca in Jeopardy with the help of many boxes of pizza and cans of soda.

“We couldn’t believe we had won! We knew they had the years of training on their side, but we had the won-ders of Coca-Cola.”

– Bea Naymon

PHOTO BY HOVANES MESTDZHYANMrs. Lasarow and her new replacement stand side by side. Many students have com-mented that the NEW teacher, yet unnamed, looks uncannily similar to Mrs. Lasarow.

Adviser ReportersEditor of NewsJazmine Sanchez

Editor of FUNFUNFUNFUNJennifer Sagastume

Editor of FeaturesBea Naymon

Editor of X-TREME SportsHovanes Mestdzhyan

Editor of PhotographyMirvat Hariri

EditorsOddity AdviserMrs. Lasarow

The Oddity is published by the Journalism Class of U.S. Grant High School, located at 13000 Oxnard Street, Valley Glen, California.

Opinions expressed in The Oddity are solely those of the authors and do not reflect those of Ulysses S. Grant High School, its faculty, or its student body.

Ads are available by request.For more information, please call (818) 756-2700 ext. 2753 (phone number updated 11/14/08).

Grant High School OdysseyPage 2 April 1, 2011FUNFUNFUNFUN

Nicole Burova

Mirvat Hariri

Raul Lopez

Hovanes Mestdzhyan

Bea Naymon

Jennifer Sagastume

Jazmine Sanchez

Alligator Wrestling replaces E/I class regimen on FridaysBy JAZMINE SANCHEZ AND JENNIFER SAGASTUME

PHOTO BY NICOLE BUROVAStudent actors Israel Teragano, David Pineda, Aracely Barerra-Ramirez, Ben Viallabos, and Dior Groover recite lines to-gether. Ms. Blumenberg’s heartwarming experience with “Rent” on Broadway inspired her to bring the musical to Grant’s stage.

It’s here! The alligator wrestlingchallengeshavefinal-ly happened. It wasn’t so easy findingpeoplewhowouldac-tually take upon the challenge of wrestling alligators, but four contestants proved to be fearless: Mr. Tinst-man, Mr. K r u s k a , Mr. Kent, and Mrs. Muralles. Mrs. Mu-ralles wanted to show all the men that women have the power to wrestle an alligator, soshewentfirst.Shesteppedup to the plate and quickly jumped onto the alligator like a snake catching its prey. She pulled out a Guatemalan que-sadilla and stuffed it into the

alligator’s mouth. A couple of hits on the head and she had the alligator begging her to stop.

Next up was SpongeBob-loving Mr. Tinstman. He

s e e m e d afraid, but reached into his pocket and pulled out his hand-dandy SpongeBob b u b b l e -making ma-

chine. Finally, a bubble hit the alligator right in the eye, and the alligator went coma-tose. What made him bring a SpongeBob bubble machine along? “I never leave home without it,” he said.

Mr. Kruska came next with a huge smile on his face.

“Well, back in my day, alliga-tor wrestling was an everyday thing. See, there’s one story I have [35 minutes later...] and I was crowned Alligator Wres-tling King.” They wrestled for an hour before Mr. Kruska las-soed the alligator with his tie.

Finally, Mr. Kent decided to take up the challenge. With his “teacher stare,” he made the alligator collapse in terror. “You see, I have a special abil-ity: just stare into the subject’s eyes, and it’s lights out!”

Subsequently, Mrs. Ibach realized how successful alli-gator wrestling was. She an-nounced that every Friday, during E/I class, students will have the chance to wrestle an alligator. Make sure to work out every day, so when you face the challenge, you will be a winner, too.

“Well, back in my day, alligator wres-tling was an everyday thing...”

– Mr. Kruska

PHOTO BY JAZMINE SANCHEZMrs. Muralles, pictured here with former Odyssey Editor of Opinions, Jennifer Sagastume, gives the alligator a taste of her fury. Alligators have become a pesky nuisance at Grant High School, hiding in the swampy areas near the library.

PHOTO BY JAZMINE SANCHEZMr. Tinstman bravely puts his finger right in the alligator’s mouth. Alligators are native to Florida, but oddly, they’re making themselves at home here in Valley Glen.

PHOTO BY JAZMINE SANCHEZMr. Kruska seems quite startled by the number and size of the alligator’s sharp teeth. His only weapon is his silk tie, which actually should do the trick.

PHOTO BY JAZMINE SANCHEZMr. Kent sits pensively, waiting for the alligator to open his jaws. Mr. Kent clev-erly considers using a useless old laptop to wedge the alligator’s jaw open.

Page 3

Grant High School OdysseyApril 1, 2011

FEATuRES

CARTOON BY PERCY ALANIA

Students catch dancing fever from new Grant star, Mr. TyniThis season of “Dancing

with the Stars” began with a bang! Audiences nationwide tuned in to see the premier of what is sure to be an amazing 12th season.

This season is particu-larly meaningful for us here at Grant; we were in for quite a surprise when we tuned in Monday night.

With a colorful cast, in-cluding Romeo, Christy Alley, Kendra Wilkinson, Sugar Ray

Leonard, Chelsea Kane, Chris Jerico, Hines Ward, Petra Nemcova, Mike Catherwood, Ralph Macchio, and Wendy Williams, the show’s produc-ers needed one more contes-tanttofillthelastspot.

Much to everyone’s sur-prise, “Dancing with the Stars” brought their talent search to our very own Grant High school. After much debate, they chose Mr. Tyni as their finalcontestant.

With his hair slicked back into a firm pompadour, Mr.Tyni wowed the judges.

Our hilarious Assistant Principal glided onto the dance floor to ace his cha-cha-cha,sportingaslim-fitted,glittery,sequined pantsuit ensemble. He looked dashing next to his stellar partner, Edyata Sliwin-skaya.

Though Mr. Tyni’s talent is undeniable, he tripped over Edyata’sfootinthefirstthirtyseconds of the routine.

It was when Edyata placed her right foot forward, and Mr. Tyni was supposed to place his right foot backward, but in-stead, out of sheer excitement, he made a forward movement and POW – he stepped on her perfectly manicured toes.

Luckily for Mr. Tyni, Edyata has toes of steel, and, courageously, they moved on through the performance with ease. Mr. Tyni was able to get back up and shake his hips like there was no tomorrow.

Mr. Tyni’s performance was anything but tiny; in true showman style, he did every-thing big. He enthralled the audience with his swift and flamboyant hand movements.His show-stopping grin, with his beautiful, white smile, won over the audience.

Instead of counting the classic beat in his head, or reciting, “slow, then slow, then quick-quick and slow” to himself, he bravely sang

along with the heart-stopping cha-cha rendition of Michael Bublé’s “Sway.”

The very next day, a bright and early Tuesday, we noticed that many students at Grant High School were partnering up with their friends, taking turns practicing dance moves on the quad stage.

Already, Grant students have become so completely

ballroom dance obsessed. They are so crazed after Mr. Tyni’s performance, that they even practiced their dance moves during class.

Some students who call themselves Team Tyni are planning to set up a large view-ing area every Monday night in Grant Hall so they can screen “Dancing with the Stars” live and support Mr. Tyni together.

PHOTO BY MYSTERIOUS NEW TEACHERHovanes Mestdzhyan and Jen Sagastume partner up for a tango during a hard-earned break from practicing for their upcoming Jeopardy match against AcaDeca.

PHOTO BY MIRVAT HARIRIGrant students Ahmad Goss and Jennifer Velasquez can’t stop twirling. Like so many others, they are completely and obsessively caught up in the ballroom dancing craze.

By bea naymon and nicole burova

Mr. Tyni shows off his superb dance moves that he honed in dis-co parlors during the 1970s. Ball-room dancing is a big step up for Tyni, but lately he has improved his conditioning and is stocking up on hair gel so he can do justice to those new, flashy, se-quined pants.

Mr. Tyni makes headlines with his fashionable ensemble

Page 4

Grant High School OddittyApril 1, 2011X-TREME SPORTS

Mrs. Lasarow appointed track coach after long hiatus in X-TREME high-jumping, relinquishes Journalism to new teacher

PHOTO BY JAZMINE SANCHEZMembers of Grant’s secret fence-climbing society scale their favorite practice barricade, located on the Senior Lawn. Mr. Ren-deros and other administrators fail to notice the club’s antics as they are distracted by strategically placed, infamous ditchers.

Exclusive: Secrets of X-TREME fence-climbing society

PHOTO BY JAZMINE SANCHEZMrs. Lasarow makes a daredevil of a jump over one of Grant’s benches. Over the past week, students have been delighted to catch glimpses of her skills across campus.

Throughout the centuries there have been few famous X-TREME high-jumping all-stars who have graced us with their presence: Blanka Vlasic, Wilt Chamberlain, and, more recently, Leanne Lasarow.

Yes,youhearditherefirst;our very own Grant Magnet teacher is a famous all-star high-jumper. When we dis-covered that Mrs. Lasarow is known as one of the best high-jumpers of all time, we decid-ed to interview her and were surprisedbyourfindings.

One hundred and three years ago, when Mrs. Lasarow was born, her mother instantly knew that baby Mrs. Lasarow had talent. Mrs. Lasarow’s mother would look at her ba-by’s legs and say, “My child has legs of a champion!”

Thus started the training of a lifetime, and to this day you can find Mrs. Lasarowhigh jumping over Grant High School benches.

When it became clear to Mrs. Lasarow’s mother that she simply could not keep up with such an intense athletic regimen, she placed Mrs. La-

sarowinFostercare.Thefirstday Coach Foster laid eyes on her, he said, “You’re going to be a star one day.”

After many grueling hours of training Mrs. Lasarow, Coach Foster had to set her free. Much to his disappoint-ment, she had chosen a differ-ent path. She decided to ditch the running shoes and become a teacher.

Fifty years after Coach Foster and Mrs. Lasarow said their good byes, they encoun-tered each other again on the grounds of Grant High school.

After years of consideration and countless apologies on Mrs. Lasarow’s part, Coach FosterhasfinallyofferedMrs.Lasarow the position of track coach. She accepted with de-light and has given up her journalism class.

After telling us her life sto-ry, Mrs. Lasarow told us she will be holding track tryouts onthefieldonApril18th.

A large turnout of students is expected at tryouts, as ev-eryone is excited to learn from the grand high-jump master, Mrs. Lasarow.

PHOTO BY JAZMINE SANCHEZA firm handshake between old friends makes Mrs. Lasarow’s position as track coach official. Coach Foster finally forgave Mrs. Lasarow for giving up her athletic dreams.

One of the biggest secrets ofGrantHighhasfinallybeenrevealed. A secret society of fence-climbing students has agreed to tell us all about their exclusive club.

The infamous team cap-tain, Hovanes John Mestd-zhyan, can climb a fence over 10 feet in less than six seconds.

We eagerly asked him to share with us the history of this as-tounding extreme sport.

“Well everything I am about to tell you has never been spoken of,” Mestdzhyan said with a smirk on his face. “It’s very sacred to us. Ever since the first fences were put up,peoplewereconfinedandfelt

By JAZMINE SANCHEZ AND JENNIFER SAGASTUME

By JAZMINE SANCHEZ AND JENNIFER SAGASTUME

trapped. Luckily, a former stu-dent and our founding father, Tom Selleck, came up with a plan and gathered a team.”

Mestdzhyan explained that the team consisted of the most cunning ditchers. All together, the ditchers came up with this fence-climbing sport, and ever since that day, the sport has be-

come widely known through-out high schools nationwide.”

Jennifer Sagastume, a star member of the team, said there is only one rule to fence-climbing, which is “NEVER get caught!”

“We hardly ever get caught,” Sagastume divulged, “especially since we have our own method.” She explained that they “distract the deans and staff, like Mr. Renderos,

by getting the students who al-ways cut class to walk by the deans.” Meanwhile, the team members climb the towering fences right under the noses of the administrators.

This sport has turned around the lives of many teens, as it is a great way to tone arm muscles. Now that this secret has been revealed, students willhavetofindanewwaytodistract the deans.

PHOTO BY JAZMINE SANCHEZHelmets and knee-pads are essential to any fence-climbing aficionado’s outfit. Though club members claim the sport is safe, they warned amateurs to stay on the ground.