Stressbusters

Dealing with Difficult People

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have

the power to revoke at any moment.

~ Marcus Aurelius

Dealing with Difficult People

Impact of difficult behavior Types of difficult behavior Getting results Keeping your balance

Impact on our Work

Miscommunication Focus on “winning” rather than the issue Rewarding bad behavior Time wasted by distractions Residual resentment colors future dealings

Impact on our Mood

Fight or flight Defensiveness Question judgment, capability Feel belittled, mistreated Ongoing resentment

Getting Results with Any Type

Remain calm Focus on problem solving Act with confidence Listen Collaborate Understand their motivation

Lessons Learned from Motherhood

Pick your battles Tantrums are no fun for anyone It’s the behavior that’s bad, not the person Always provide an escape hatch Don’t run with scissors

The Dictator

Intimidating, aggressive Demanding and critical Arbitrary Arrogant Values a high level of self-confidence and

assertiveness

Coping with a Dictator

Stand up to him without fighting State your opinion Remain calm and focused

The Complainer

Finds fault with everything Negative and nit-picking Accusatory Self-fulfilling cycle of passivity, blame, and

powerlessness Some of the complaints may be legitimate

Coping with a Complainer

Focus on problem solving Listen attentively Identify specifics Don’t simply dismiss Don’t accept blame or make excuses Ask for solutions

The Passive

Avoids conflict and risk Non-committal Unresponsive

Coping with a Passive

Ask open-ended questions Don’t rush to fill silences Remain friendly and approachable Offer observations

The Yes-Person

Sociable, outgoing Attentive Agreeable Quick to commit Rarely delivers

Coping with a Yes-Person

Make honesty non-threatening Leave wiggle-room Recap agreement Get it in writing

The Pessimist

Negative Lacking in trust Feels powerless Resistant to change Harmful to morale

Coping with a Pessimist

Be confident and optimistic Don’t argue Allow role of devil’s advocate Ask for specifics rather than

generalizations

The Know-it-all

Expert on everything Tone of absolute certainty Can be condescending and pompous Values facts and logic Seeks respect Frequently right

Coping with a Know-it-all

Consider alternatives Avoid direct challenges to expertise Present accurate and complete

information Separate the issues Listen Question with confidence Don’t compete

Keeping your Balance

Humour Perspective Awareness Calm

Keeping your Balance

Humour Perspective

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a

problem. Everything else is inconvenience.

~ Robert Fulghum

Perspective

What’s the big deal? Is the reaction proportional to the issue?

What’s the problem? Immediate issue Long-term issue

Who is this about? What’s my responsibility? What isn’t my responsibility?

Keeping your Balance

Humour Perspective Awareness

Know your triggers Recognize your defensive mechanisms Don’t personalize

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a

damn fool about it.

~ W. C. Fields

Keeping your Balance

Humour Perspective Self-Awareness Calm

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.

~ Josh Billings

Getting through a Confrontation

If person is frustrated but not (yet) angry…

Do: Listen and paraphrase Acknowledge feelings Identify specific actions to reach solution

Don’t: Patronize Overwhelm Accept responsibility except where

appropriate

Getting through a Confrontation

If person is angry or hostile…

Do: Acknowledge feelings Keep the discussion on topic Stay focused on resolution

Don’t: Rise to the bait Make excuses or long explanations

Getting through a Confrontation

If the person is abusive and unreasonable…

Do: State the rules State the limits Be clear and concise Call for backup and/or remove yourself

Don’t: Run with scissors

Dealing with Difficult People

Any questions or comments?