Working with Difficult People

Let’s Know……• Why people are difficult• Types of difficult behavior• Coping skills and techniques to

help you communicate

Why Are People Difficult?• People feel

– Rushed — not enough time– Insecure– Angry– And have some need or interest

•Stressed!!!

Scenario 1

A Difficult Person Can Be ...• Hostile-Aggressive• Know-It-All• Yes-Person• Whiner• Never-Say-A-Word• Indecisive Staller• No-Person

Hostile AggressiveAKA “The Tank”• Bullies their way toward

the results they want.• Belittles you in front of anyone.• Tries to convince you that you

are doing a poor job when you are doing fine.

The Know-It-All• Controls people and events by

dominating conversation with lengthy, imperious arguments.

• Tries to find flaws in everything.

The Yes-Person• Answers “Yes” to every request without

thinking about what is being promised .• Has deep-seated anxiety and a lot of

resentment.• Seeks approval and avoids disapproval.• And even if all the promises can be

kept, the Yes-Person no longer has a life!

The No-Person

Able to defeat big ideas with a single syllable

Deadly to morale

The Whiner• Avoids taking responsibility.• Wants sympathy.• Has negative view of the world.• It’s important for these people to

get their opinions across. If you ignore them, they increase their protests.

The Never-Say-A-WordAKA “The Clam”• Timid, uncomfortable, and uncertain.• Wants to avoid conflict or hurting

anyone.• Often feels angry because “the

wrong decision” was made.• Some can’t relate authentically or

speak honestly.

The Indecisive Staller• Could be an overwhelmed “Yes-

Person.”• Could be a procrastinator.• Has reservations about the project.• Doesn’t organize or

prioritize work.

Difficult Person :Coping Plan

1.Assess the “Situation”1.Assess the “Situation”2. Stop wishing they were “different”!2. Stop wishing they were “different”!3. Get distance between you and the difficult 3. Get distance between you and the difficult behaviorbehavior4. Formulate a plan for interrupting the 4. Formulate a plan for interrupting the interactioninteraction5. Implement strategy5. Implement strategy6. Monitor coping process6. Monitor coping process7. Modify or abandon plan, if necessary7. Modify or abandon plan, if necessary

Dealing with “The Tank”• If possible, get them to sit down.• Don’t back down. Let them vent. Don’t

take it personally. Step away from the emotion.

• Identify their issue–the facts of the matter.• Explain benefits of your point of view.

Express your side in factual terms.• Allow aggressor to “save face.”

Dealing with the Know-It-All• Know your facts. Be prepared.• Listen carefully and paraphrase the

main points.• Use questions to raise issues.• If necessary, subordinate yourself to

avoid static and commit yourself to building a more equal relationship in the future.

Dealing with the Yes-Person• Work to get to the underlying issues.• Tell how much you value them as people.• Give them permission to say “No.”• Ask them to tell about any aspect of your

product that is not as good as the best.• Listen to their humor -- hidden

messages?

Dealing with the No-Person• Work to get to the underlying

issues.• Find out the reason for

disagreement• Show the other side• Show the benefits

Dealing with the Whiner• Don’t respond if they are blaming you.

Don’t sympathize if they are at fault.• Make a list of all complaints from

constant complainers before you discuss problem.

• Make sure the facts are correct.• Make the Whiner propose solutions to

fix the problem.

Dealing with “The Clam”• Try to draw them out about topics that

are non-threatening.• Ask open-ended questions.• Wait for a response -- calmly.

(Don’t fill the silence with your chatter.) • If you get no response, comment on

what’s happening. End your comment with an open-ended question.

Dealing with the Staller• Help document their goals and deadlines• Listen for indirect words, hesitations.• Ask them how you can help them

achieve their goals.• Follow up on intermediate deadlines.

Hold them to the deadlines.• Make it easy for them to tell you what is

preventing their action.

Scenario 2

And What About You...

It’s All About ATTITUDE!• You are not going to change THEM.• You will have to work with THEM.• You are the one who can make the

change.• Make it happen!• Be Positive

Principles of Human Behavior• All people are motivated .• You cannot motivate others ; you can

provide the environment, skills, etc.• People do things for their reasons, not

ours.• We are all different...

Relationships should complement and complete each other.

Communication Is The Key...• Be clear about what is to be done.• Be clear about who is to do it.• Two parts to the message

– Speaker has an image– Listener has an image– Are they the same?

Offline Coping Techniques• Don’t take their behavior or words

personally.• Write down details of what annoys

you.• Think about why it annoys you.• Which of your buttons does this

person push? Why do you respond to them in the way you do?

Offline Coping Techniques (continued)• How would you like to respond? List the

advantages of different responses.• Monitor yourself.• Give yourself positive feedback when

you succeed in not getting caught up in the emotions of difficult people.

• Be a happier person by handling all those you encounter with charm and grace.

Some Final Tips• Give support where needed.• Be an information broker.• Learn to keep it light.

•Don’t forget to smile.