Interpersonal Conflict Resolution

Tamara Arrington, MAUniversity of Kentucky &BCTCS

What do you think of when you hear that word?

Write down the first 5 words that come to mind.

Is This What You Thought Of?

Were any of your words positive?

POSITVEAir important issuesNew/creative ideasRelease tensionStrengthen relationshipsAssist in reevaluating goalsCulture changeNormal and healthyPrevents stagnationIncrease creativity & innovationPositive learning experiences

NEGATIVECan spiral into frustration, tension, and more conflictCan harm trustCan create distanceCan hurt identityPhysical symptoms/illnessCan lead to abuse and/or violenceCan begin a spiral

There are a lot of ways to resolve conflicts.

Some are more highly recommended than others.

Interpersonal Conflict is…

An expressed struggle (both parties have to know a conflict exists – if not, it’s intrapersonal conflict)Between at least two interdependent partiesWho perceive incompatible goals, scarce rewards, and/or interference from the other party in achieving their goals

Hocker & Wilmot

Conflict means…

I am an alive, thinking, and feeling HUMAN (and yet an ANIMAL)I care about my job and the people I work with (I wouldn’t stick around and engage you in conflict if I didn’t)I’m involved with the people I work with (and to some degree we need each other)I “know” all about the great Social Exchanges of life – (pp=r-c) and the scarcity of rewards

Two Main Types of Conflict

Substantive conflict – conflict that is focused on the issues and on disagreements about possible solutionsAffective conflict – interpersonal conflict characterized by extreme frustration – highly correlated with how critical and punishing members are to each other and how unpleasant the emotional atmosphere in the group is. (“differention gone awry”)

What we know about conflicts

Relationships become strained when group members disagree over important issues. We tend to like people who agree with us and dislike people with whom we do not agree.Strain is usually resolved by change in beliefs on an issue or change in the liking of anotherWe take the path of least resistance – the issue or the person (whichever is less important we will change)Duration of tension can lead to decreased respect and increased hostility

Differentiation & EscalationBalance Theory (Swensen, 1973)

Our Reflexes Are Normal

If someone makes a comment that we perceive as hostile, we are most likely to respond with further hostile responses (tit for tat) Evaluative comments can easily elicit defensive responses from us because they seem threatening to us Because differentiation calls for evaluation, defensiveness is likely to develop.

Leary, 1957; Gibb, 1961

What Strengthens Our Commitment to Conflict?

I make my position public or restate it several times - thereby increasing my commitment to the position or behavior.When my position is called into question (via new information or argument) I often intensify my stand in an effort to preserve my “good name” and self-image.I may respond to criticism with a more extreme position than I originally held.Public commitment can increase defensiveness, rigidity and inflexibility.

What Boosts Anxiety?

An initial personalization of the conflictThe stress of acknowledging opposing standsHostile and emotional statementsUncertainty about the outcomesHeightened awareness of the consequences of not reaching a resolution

We Are Resistant To Change!

Alfred Adler – we have consistent patterns of responses. This gives us our character and the guiding principles we use to make decisions.Sometimes these principles clash with events.Even worse, sometimes we fasten onto our orientations despite severe clashes with reality.

Are you ready for help yet?

“Oh God, this relationship is killing me!”

How do we get to resolution?

Differentiation – raise issues, clarify positions and reasoning, acknowledge severity of those differencesIntegration – acknowledge common ground, explore options, move toward a LIVEABLE solution

Walton’s (1969) Two Phase Model

Strategies vs. Tactics:What’s the Difference?

Strategy – conscious planTactics – actions for carrying out the strategyStyle – consistent, specific orientation towards the conflict; unifies specific tactics into a coherent whole; “the way a person usually responds to conflict” ; it is relatively stable, but has the capacity to change.

Dimensions of Conflict Styles

Assertiveness – attempts to satisfy concerns with respect to the issuesCooperativeness – attempts to satisfy concerns of the otherDisclosiveness – degree to share informationEmpowerment – degree to which they grant some controlActiveness – degree of involvementFlexibility – movement one is willing to make

Styles

Competing – active, concern for self, high involvementForcing – use power plays (superiority)Contending – uses explanation and expression of sympathyAvoiding – low concern for self & other, fear lossProtecting – “shell”, low disclosureWithdrawing – apologetic, address someSmoothing – downplay differences, emphasize commonalitiesAccomodatingYielding – apathy, high flexibility, low activismConceding – firmer yieldingCompromising – NOT as good as some think!Firm – limited flexibility of positionFlexible – less well-defined positionProblem-solving (a win-win approach)

The Conflict Grid

COMPETITION

Win-lose power struggles are fought out, decided by the powerful, or through arbitration

PROBLEM-SOLVING

(Collaboration)

A process used to assess several points of view and alternatives. Solutions involve meeting the minimum.

ACCOMMODATION

Disagreements are smoothed over so that harmony is maintained - one party gives into another.

COMPROMISE

Compromise, bargaining, & middle-ground positions are accepted. “Divide the pie,” win-win is not possible. Win lose would cause negative repercussions.AVOIDANCE

DENIAL

Neutrality is maintained at all costs. Withdrawal from the situation relieves the necessity for dealing with conflict.

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Concern for results/production

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Selecting the Best Style for Managing Conflicts

Is this worth addressing?How effective will this style likely be?What responses will this likely provoke? (What is the conflict style of the other party?)What are the consequences to the long-term relationship?Is this ethical?

What About Gender?

Less differences than you might thinkMore difference in what is expected of them in conflictsDifferent standard of interpretationMen – task; women – interpretationWomen are more likely to compete back, reinforcing the demand-withdraw cycle

7-Step Problem Solving Approach

Define your needsShare your needs with the other personListen to the other person’s needsGenerate possible solutionsEvaluate the possible solutions and choose the best oneImplement the solutionFollow up the solutionREWARD & REINFORCE (the Arrington addition to the model) – why is this important?

(Weider-Hatfield, 1981)