THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT: “Honor your Father and your Mother”

Dennis Raymond P. MaturanDe La Salle-College of St. Benilde

2011

The Fourth CommandmentHonor your father and you mother: that your days

may be long upon the land which the

Lord your God gives you. (Exodus

20:12)

The Fourth CommandmentHow do we honor

our father and mother?

Some equate honor with blind obedience.

The biblical Greek word for "honor"

however, is tima does not imply obedience

or subservience.

The Fourth CommandmentMost adolescents are becoming increasingly

aware of the imperfections and

shortcomings of their parents. It can be noticed that they want to honor

their fathers and mothers but are confused by the

messages within our society that declare that personal faults negate all

authority.

The Fourth CommandmentOther times they are

crippled by anger and resentment towards their

parents because of disagreements,

arguments and in extreme cases, even abuse. This dilemma

affects adult children as well.

The Fourth Commandment

How, then, do we

understand the

meaning of "honor your father and mother"?

The Fourth CommandmentWhen we are

young, we depend on our

father and mother for nearly everything. They

feed, clothe, house and protect us.

The Fourth CommandmentThey teach us how to

respect God, ourselves and other

people through using good words, sharing,

and expressing kindness. They offer stern warnings and discipline especially

when we are in danger.

The Fourth CommandmentAs we grow older, our parents teach us the

importance of responsibility and

accountability. We are given chores to

complete along with our homework from school. When we fall

short, we have consequences like losing privileges or being grounded.

The Fourth CommandmentThis is where it gets

tough for kids because the fallen state of

rebelliousness rears its head in more powerful ways. It is difficult for

parents to discern how much of this

rebelliousness to allow as an expression of our

growing and healthy independence.

The Fourth CommandmentSome parents take

their child's rebelliousness

much too personally and

then discipline in anger to restore their power and

pride.

The Fourth CommandmentEither way, what's a kid

to do? Children must remain obedient to their

parents, even when mom and dad cross the

line because it is an opportunity to learn and express humility. That's difficult even for adults,

to act as if you are wrong even though you

may be right.

The Fourth CommandmentBeing humble before your parents teaches you how to be humble before God and other

people. This is important because at

some point we become adults and parents,

and who are we going to be responsible and

accountable to? Ultimately to God!

The Fourth CommandmentFor the adult children, we honor our parents by forgiving them. In

other words, we cannot continue to

blame our parents for how they raised us.

No mother or father is going to be perfect in

their parenting

The Fourth CommandmentIt's a fact of life. Some

adults spend their whole life in bitterness, anger

and resentment because mom and dad did not

praise enough, or disciplined too much (or too little), didn't get me into sports, music or a

foreign language, or didn't bring me to church (or

brought me too much).

The Fourth CommandmentEnough-already!

We're adults now (or almost) and we are

responsible for ourselves. Grow up! The first step is to forgive them. The

next step is to thank them for all the good

things they did.

The Fourth CommandmentAnother way we honor our mother and father

is this: when someone sees

how you act, what you say, how you treat

others, how you serve society, can they say,

"Wow, I'll bet your mother and father are proud of you! They did

a good job raising you!

The Fourth CommandmentCan people look at you and say that?

If they can, you have just honored your mother and father. Every time we do something good,

just, pure, holy, we bring honor to our

parents.

The Fourth CommandmentAnother way to honor our parents, is to take care of them. As we all grow older, mom and dad are going to need

more of our help. It starts with little

chores, like when we were young such as

sweeping the floor and washing the dishes.

The Fourth CommandmentThen if you already

have a family of your own, it may progress to calling and visiting

often to make sure their okay. Eventually,

when they cannot handle living on their

own, you welcome them to live with you

and your family.

The Fourth CommandmentNursing homes and care

centers are blessing and a curse. They are a blessing

for people who have no family to take care of them and a curse for those who

do but will not. If at possible, take care of your parents in your own home. If we want our children to take care of us, do they

see us honoring our parents by taking care of

them?

The Fourth CommandmentNow let’s go to more concrete details of the

Fourth Commandment

as we are commanded to practice filial

love!

The Fourth CommandmentA. Fulfillment

1. It is God’s will that after Him, we should honor our parents, to whom we owe life and have handed to us the knowledge of God.

2. Honor and respect those vested with God given authority.

The Fourth Commandment3. Kinship should

be established with members of extended family.

4. Honor, affection gratitude towards elders and ancestors should be observed.

The Fourth Commandment

5. Duties of parents, children, teachers, employers and both civil and church leaders must be observed and respected.

The Fourth CommandmentB. True Meaning

1. It is the obligation of grown children to take care of their observed aged parents (Sir. 3:12) .

2. Human life of parents are not to be evaluated in terms of productivity.

3. Both parents are to receive equal respect. .

4. Children must uphold Filipino cultural values of respect

The Fourth CommandmentC. Obstacles (in the

Philippine setting)1. Not all parents

are “loving parents”.

2. Existence of pains of “growing up”.

3. Generation gap.

The Fourth CommandmentD. Respect for

Parents•Revering them as holding God’s place.

•Accepting corrections willingly.

•Excusing and hiding their faults.

The Fourth CommandmentE. Duties of Parents

•Educating their children as preparation for their future.

•Provide temporal, physical, especially spiritual welfare.

•Uphold moral values.

The Fourth CommandmentF. Violations

•Disrespect•Unkindness•Disobedience

(minors need to follow obey their parents wishes as long as it is not immoral; adult children should listen to parent’s advice though obedience is not absolute anymore).