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Lions Raw - 2010

FIRST WEEK BACK EDITION

PUZZLE PARADISE ¤ STUDENT LITERATURE ¤ SPOT YOUR TEACHER

LIONS RAWL I O N S R A W

I S S U E # 12 0 1 0

RE: DEFINITION OF A HEAD OF CAMPUS

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Lions Raw - 2010

CONTRIBUTERS & ABOUT

Contributors:Seamus KavanaghRyan SandorCampbell McKenzieDaniel DindasMohammed KhairatEllie PhillipsStephanie McMahonChris BorzilloIsabella WrightAngus AttwoodMartin QuinnBeth WilsonJessamine WelshDarryl Tirtha

Layout & Design:Campbell McKenzieJoey Coley-SowrySeamus KavanaghDavid BrowneChris Borzillo

Teacher in Charge:Stephanie Dundas

Editorial:With the start of the new school year quickly approaching, it was with a great sense of excitement that I approached my new post as Publications Prefect and Editor of Lions Raw. My ever growing enthusiasm for the publication portfolio has lead to this, a first week back edition which is also an indication of the committed and effective Lions Raw team already assembled from last year which is eager to succeed. I am now especially keen to welcome Year 10’s into our team and all new students who want to partici-pate in publications With the start of the new year, many opportunities arise for my-self and fellow students. I hope that the Lions Raw can be an op-portunity for writing and provide a voice for students who have opinions on any matter, and that you will look forward to the release of the next issue as much as I do. I also hope that Lions Raw can feature student work in literature and the visual arts as the year progresses and encourage you to submit creative pieces to share with others.Mum always told me to make jokes if I ever felt awkward. This, my first editorial, struck me as an awkward task, so here is a joke.

Two Potatoes were sitting in the bath and one potato said to the other one, “Can you pass the Soap”.

Seamus KavanaghPublications Prefect

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Lions Raw - 2010

06 Who’s that new guy?

08 Term 1 House activities

10 Co-curricular opportunities

12 Study habits

14 Spot your teacher

16 Student pieces

20 Australian film review

22 Food for your; stomach

24 Local coffee review

27 Hot or not

30 Puzzle Paradise

34 Horoscopes

CONTENTS ISSUE 1 2009

06

2012

14

22

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Lions Raw - 2010

What’s going on

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Lions Raw - 2010

at Wesley in 2010

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Lions Raw - 2010

“An introduction and interview with the all new Head of St Kilda Road, Mr Brenker.

Ryan Sandor

2010 is the beginning of a new era at Wesley College with Mr Richard Bren-ker taking over from the much loved and successful Mr Stuart Davis. Mr Brenker has been a part of the Wesley commu-nity for 30 years and held many positions such as:

• Head of Humanities • First’s Basketball Coach• Head of Houses• Head of Middle School (SKR) • Head of Senior School (GW).

Now again, he has moved on within the College and I had the opportunity to speak to him during the summer holiday break just to see what he plans to do to successfully reintegrate into the St Kilda Road environment.

Who’s the new guy?

What are your plans to get to know the students this

year?

I would like to have students introduce themselves to me and I will

endeavour to get to as many events as possible as well as being

around Campus and teaching a Theory of Knowledge Class. I plan

to have lunch with the leaders from the Junior, Middle and Senior

Schools. I hope to get out of the office as much as possible and will

attempt to meet as many parents and staff as I can.

How do you feel the students will embrace you

as the new Head of Campus?In every role I have had at Wesley I have endeavoured to

maximise opportunities for students. I feel that I will be

genuine, consistent and fair. Then the rest will be deter-

mined by the way they see me. I value the formality of oc-

casions, and education, although it’s not just about learn-

ing for school’s sake, but for life. Wesley students learn

about the subtlety of occasions.

Lions Raw - 2010”7

How long have you been working at Wesley

College?

This year is my 30th year. I started back in 1981 at th

e St

Kilda Road Campus.

As you have worked at both Glen Waverley and St Kilda Road

Campuses what do you find are the biggest differences?

I find that the question of the biggest difference is asked frequently but I do find that

there are more similarities than differences. The biggest difference though would

have to be spaces and location. St Kilda Road students and staff come from all over

Melbourne because of the Campus’ location and public transport. There seems to

be a greater level of independence here. Whereas, at Glen Waverley there is a more

local feel, not quite as diverse. At St Kilda Road there is a greater sense of tradition,

since this has been the central campus since the beginning of the College. There are

more links to Wesley families and I can see that there are a lot more first genera-

tion families at Glen Waverley comparatively. I also notice that St Kilda Road builds

upwards and Glen Waverley spreads out and that leads to it being more cohesive;

having all of its year levels on the same campus gives it more of a campus feel all the

time.

What are your plans to get to know the students this

year?

I would like to have students introduce themselves to me and I will

endeavour to get to as many events as possible as well as being

around Campus and teaching a Theory of Knowledge Class. I plan

to have lunch with the leaders from the Junior, Middle and Senior

Schools. I hope to get out of the office as much as possible and will

attempt to meet as many parents and staff as I can.

With the beginning of the school year now at hand, it’s Mr Brenkers’ chance to make his own lasting impression on the Wesley community and build on what he has already accomplished in the past.

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Lions Raw - 2010

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Lions Raw - 2010

Co-Curricular ActivitiesWhat’s on offer at Wesey College.

Ellie Phillips

Facebook’s lost it appeal? There are only reruns on TV? And you’ve either finished or neglected your homework? If only you had something else to fill in time. Fortu-nately there is an answer to what you seek in the school’s wide co-curricular program.

The Music School offers many opportu-nities to explore your creative side with places for all instrumentalists. The Se-

nior School Orchestra and Concert Band are always looking for new members as is Miss Patterson’s Pop Choir. Various smaller bands exist such as string, guitar and jazz groups though places are limited in these. Other creative pursuits include the many drama productions which take place each term. Even if you don’t fancy

yourself as an actor you can still play a part in the back stage and technical as-pects of each performance.

Debating is yet another outlet for creativ-ity, especially if you are of the argumen-tative breed. Be warned though! A loud voice isn’t always enough to sway ap-proval from the adjudicator. You’ll need to be able to think on your feet as well, particularly during secret topic debates where you are only given one hour to prepare! However, everyone is welcome to join in and those interested should talk to the new captains Steph McMahon and Daniel Dindas.

If you feel your talents lay more outside these creative realms you can always participate in one of the school’s many sporting teams. During summer tennis, rowing, swimming, softball (girls), cricket

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(boys), badminton, table tennis, diving and volleyball are available while winter offers basketball, cross country, football, gymnastics, hockey, snow sports, net-ball and soccer. There is also the limited spring season when athletics and water polo are available to everyone. Although the summer season is already half over in some sports (having started in term four) others are yet to have their first match. All the appropriate information about training and how to sign up can be found from the Sports Directorate (hidden be-neath Adamson Hall).

If you feel none of these pursuits are to your liking (or you simply want to do ev-erything on offer) you can also become involved in the various prefect led com-mittees. The IRS Committee works con-stantly throughout the year to promote international culture within the school as well as helping new students to settle in through the mentor program. The Chari-ties Committee also runs various events to raise money for worthy causes. This year will also see the introduction of a Supporters Committee, led by the Sports Prefects to encourage your peers at vari-ous sporting events during the school

calendar (and rumour has it spectator colours will be available once again for those members who show plenty of commitment and passion). To join any of these Committees speak to the appro-priate prefect and be on the lookout for more which may be cropping up at the start of the year. Wesmob is also another group within the school which deals with indigenous issues, holding regular events as well as a trip to central Australia dur-ing the year.

Finally, there is of course, this very mag-azine of which you can be a part, with many more issues to come. Simply speak to Editor-in-Chief Seamus Kavanagh. Hopefully, you’ll have seen something in this article which takes your fancy. If not, it will hopefully help you delay the moment when you must return to your homework.

Debating AlertGood mind? Good voice?Want to be heard?

Senior School debaters (Years 10, 11 and 12) please see Daniel Dindas or Stephanie McMahon for infor-mation.

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Lions Raw - 2010

Success has an easy lining. (Class Edi-tion)

Whilst fast food, smartphones and cable TV help alleviate life’s biggest horrors we have yet to truly apply our awesome Gen Y penchant for laziness to our schooling in any other form than procrastination. With this simple 6 step program, how-ever, you can set yourself on the road to success.

Step 1: Turn up to classIt may sound counter-intuitive but it’s sure to catch your teacher off guard. If you’re there, why should they suspect you watched the Dexter marathon last night instead of doing that 6000 word comparative essay on the relative weak-nesses of Quantum Geo-Economics.

Step 2: Sit with the smart kids. Out of sight, out of mind. It works for your home work and it works in class. Your teacher won’t scruti-nise the kids they think are working.

Step 3: Ask/Answer the first questionAt this point in the lesson when you most likely haven’t gotten past the blurb, your teacher will give you an approving smile and then pick on the next kid.

Study HabitsTips for making school life smoother.

Chris Borzillo

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Step 4: Lead the teacher off-topicAFL and cheese are always crowd pleas-ers but beneath the teacher’s scholarly exterior there lies a wily critter. Instead, ask a question about the topic not inti-mately close to the work. The teacher feels bound to teach you and will go on. Intersperse with deeper questions to continue the monologue. Nod regularly. Bring cheese.

Step 5: Google is your friendBefore commencing laziness mode Google the study topic to about 5 dif-ferent pages. Whenever the teacher ap-proaches, swap to each. You’re now pro-ducing quality not quantity and you need the extra time after class to finish it.

Step 6: Be an errand boy/girlBoot kissing requires bending over and that causes back problems. Run errands instead. A teacher can’t fault you for helping a colleague whilst the other stu-dents handed work in and your dog’s di-gestion will be better for it.

With very little work and a lot of luck, these tips will help get you through your Senior School schooling. Tune in next edition for Examination tips.

Lions Raw - 2010

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Lions Raw - 2010

A guide to help you tell your teachers apart.

Angus Attwood The start of a new year leads to many changes including new teachers. (Pro-vided, of course, that you’re not in Year 12 IB.) You’ll soon get to know the peo-ple who will be attempting to teach you throughout the year. I’ve discovered throughout the years that most teachers are alike, and even fall into groups. See if you can spot yours in the list below.

Drill Sergeants. “Drill Sergeants” want you to fear them. They make themselves known early on by SHOUTING to the class that they don’t want anyone messing around in their classroom, and troublemakers will be punished. They take their subject VERY seriously, and anyone undermin-ing the importance of what they’re going on about will be…dealt with. “Drill Ser-geants” are easy to identify, as you can usually hear them from three classrooms down. The desired effect is to scare the class straight, and this occasionally works. For about a week. Nearly every-one has had their own variation of the “Drill Sergeant’ teacher, so everyone has their own way of dealing with them but my strategy is to befriend them early on. They make powerful allies.

Old Man Wilkins “Old Man Wilkins” does not have to be a male teacher, or even old. An ‘Old Man Wilkins’ is the sort of teacher who has seen nearly everything life has to offer, and will happily share his or her stories with the class. While these are often interesting, depending on the prompt the stories can go on for as long as half the lesson, maybe even more. ‘Old Man Wilkins’ teachers are usually quite popu-lar as they’re both interesting and wise but sometimes they make better substi-tute teachers - depending on how well you want to do in that subject, at least.

Spot your teachers

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Guy-smileyIf you wind up with a ‘Guy-Smi-ley’ teacher, be thankful. These teachers are like ‘Old Man Wilkins’ in that they don’t have to be male. They just always seem to be in a good mood. As they’re always in a good mood, they’re eager to make classes more fun and easier for everyone. A ‘Guy-Smiley’ usually doesn’t give out much homework or tries to make it as easy and quick as possible. Usually the punishment for not complet-ing a work requirement is a disappointed expression and a reminder to get it done as soon as possible but this can sting more than any detention ever could. Beware, though. ‘Guy-Smiley’s’ can only take so much before they snap, so don’t push them. That’s how ‘Drill Sergeants’ are born.

Mask-wearersBEWARE OF ‘MASK-WEARERS’. On first impression, ‘Mask-Wearers’ seem like they could be a ‘Guy-Smiley’ or an ‘Old Man Wilkins’ and they can keep this up as long as they want. Days, weeks, even terms. Until someone gets them mad. Then they tear off that happy-go-lucky mask they’ve been wearing all this time and release all the anger, hatred and disgust they’ve kept inside all this time. The results aren’t pretty. You can usually tell if someone has encountered the wrath of a ‘Mask-wearer’ - they’re pale, shaking and muttering, ‘I’m sorry’, again and again. If you think your teacher could be a ‘Mask-Wearer,’ ask around. If he or she is, don’t worry! Some of the best teachers I’ve had have been ‘Mask-Wearers…’. Just stay on his or her good side!

Illustrations by Joey Coley-Sowry

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Student PiecesUp in the Sky.

Mohammed Khairat

She got me up in the sky like a bird,She got me thinking ‘bout her day and night,Waiting for her call, feeling absurd,But to hear her voice makes the dark bright.She got me waiting for her too long,Like she is not to coming back to me,Our love and friendship that always seemed strong,Is ending, taking away all my glee.And, now I am left alone in the dark,With no comfort, no one to keep me safe;I walk alone and on my heart a mark,Alone, something missing, left like a waif;Yet, constantly you will be on my mind,As your tender loving left me blind.

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Across the Plain.Seamus Kavanagh

An icy breeze across the plain,A solitary figure, absent of name.Walking toward me, a curious gait,Is this the disfigurement of my fate?A complexion of pale and starched light,Hair that seems engaged in fight.Shirt scattered, tattered and torn,Chin, naked as a baby born.Intense and forever withstanding gaze,Boring my mind through the haze.A sudden curious inner pain,Caused by this figure,Across the plain.

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Lions Raw - 2010Lifestyle

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Lions Raw - 2010 Photograph thanks to A. Guandalini - Flickrhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/36236696@N00/2574036772/sizes/s/

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Lions Raw - 2010

I’m writing this quite late at night after seeing a double feature of Australian cin-ema. I’m 16% more depressed and 90% more inclined to drink because of it. De-pression is not a character trait or motif in Australian cinema; it’s the plot. Releas-es of note from last year prove my point: Samson & Delilah - cuddly romance sto-ry. Plot: two kids in a depressing place fall in love. But, totally still unhappy. Balibo - story about the inner workings of jour-nalism, perhaps? Plot: journalists get killed. The ironic way. Hmmm, this isn’t sounding great! How about the films I just saw? A double of Wake in Fright and Last Ride - Plots respectively: a disgrun-tled teacher holes up in various desert shanties until his resolve is broken and he is driven to suicidal madness… ok, not too bad so far! A criminal on the run with his son learns the true meaning of child beating.

I’m slumped in my chair already just thinking about it. Don’t get me wrong, Australian film is fantastic. The locales, the dialogue, the chain of events are all uncompromising, brilliant in fact. But I often wonder, during these films of mar-vellous rapport, why? For art, or critical acclaim? Our industry seems to work to counter Hollywood where studio bosses

find it difficult to approve bold scripts and harsh endings whereas without these the FFC or Screen Australia wouldn’t give the screenplay a second look. Uncompro-mising theme? Check. Challenging-to-analyse main character? Check. Setting in poverty/desert/poverty? Check. Con-gratulations young Mr. Visionary direc-tor, here’s 1000 dollars. Go ahead. Make my day.

My biggest complaint is not the fact that the majority of our films are so damn hard to watch. With Wake in Fright, I was at least captured by the filmmaker’s abil-ity to make the desert heat leap from the screen, every last beer to be painful to drink and each decision more ironic than the last. The world into which the char-acter is thrown becomes instantly easy to empathise with. However, Last Ride par-ticularly demonstrates my original point, perhaps because I’d been worn down by Wake in Fright, or something about it made me instantly more detached – ei-ther the characters or the locale. I could not empathise, something about it was

The Australian Film ComplexThe Australian Film Complex: Depres-sion, for the sake of Art, or Acclaim?

Martin Quinn

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Lions Raw - 2010

wrong. Almost as if the filmmaker was trying to plant these emotions within the viewer. Gritty realism is a hallmark in our films but alone it’s not enough. What we need to see in a film is another world, a reason to watch. A film should be a dif-ferent representation of reality. The cin-ematography in Last Ride was beautiful, and naturally the outback was used to its full panoramic potential. But the idea of ‘Art’ in our cinema has become the real-ity, not a life amplified or in most cases not even dramatised by the actors. Ultra realism has perhaps reached a peak in brilliance courtesy of our country’s won-derful filmmaking talent. But why would we see a film simply to observe the hor-ror of life as it happens?

And, this is the Australian film complex. Do not get me wrong. The aforemen-tioned film was good, even if the ending was a bit of a cop out. Reality takes pref-erence, a stark reality at that. Do charac-ters have to be living in the deepest pit of mental despair to create art? Or maybe it’s finding the beauty in such horror that

gives our films such power? All empathy for these Freudian filmmakers aside why can’t anyone just be happy?

The filmmaking gamble in Australia is making a film that a member of the Aus-tralian public might actually watch. And for what? Because the cinematographers might be ridiculed along the way by their alcoholic aficionados? Because they might make some actual money? I’m sure they could do with some of that. Are our films being made inaccessible just to have critics hail them as ‘Remarkable’? When a good Aussie film truly hits the mark, it can make you seriously mentally ill and still have you adoring the film. But films are intended to be escapist. Sure, give me a Wake in Fright occasionally so I can feel intelligent. But Australian direc-tors, writers, and financiers need to un-derstand that art needn’t lie in the deep-est pits of hell. Making a film depressing will crush your audience into a crying submission sure, but the average viewer has enough to worry about. In trying to break with cliché our films may soon cre-ate a stereotype all of their own. So come on Australia! Give Nick Cave a pen, give George Miller an awful lot of money and shoot Baz Luhrmann; let’s make a film that will not make me want to kill myself.

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Food for Your; StomachBrother Baba Budan.

Darryl Tirtha

As you walk in the cramped little cafe down in the office side of town, you can’t help but notice the amount of chairs provided. Too bad they’re on the roof. Brother Baba Budan (BBB) is named after the 17th century Sufi Baba Budan who in legend brought the almighty coffee bean from Yemen to create the delicious bev-erage. Every day BBB has a choice of two beans, one house espresso and an ever-changing single-origin bean. During peak hours you have to stand out the door

amongst your fellow hipsters and para-legals to wait for one of their carefully crafted coffees. But once you take a sip of their creamy decadent lattes you will understand why, then probably get up and line up once more. To describe the house espresso is like describing quan-tum mechanics to a fourth grader. It’s sharp, complicated flavor is loaded with

sweet undertones, like a wild stallion. The milk is excruciatingly perfect and the partnership brings forward a certain holy matrimony. It’s almost spiritual. But the real prize is the coffee called “Panama La Carledia Gesha”, a bean brought from the faraway bridge of North and South America. I think if Ghandi’s soul was available for sale it would taste like this coffee. There really is only one word to describe it. It is perfect. But in all serious-ness, BBB serves one of the best coffees around (and almond tarts, for that mat-ter), so put down that gravel quality Star-bucks and be a real brother.

You can read more of Darryl’s culinary adventures on: foodforyourstomach.tumblr.com

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Near the corner of St Kilda rd and Lorne St, Krave @600 has the feel of a hospi-tal cafeteria, with pre-made sandwiches lit up with florescent lights and a interior which would be better suited to a airport lounge. Not all is bad though. Surprising-ly they do make O.K. coffee but with the almost continuous turnover of staff it is never reliable.The pre-made focaccia and sandwiches are actually alright. Just stay clear of the chicken unless they lie accompanied by a large drink. But if you’re looking for somewhere close to school to grab a quick coffee and maybe something to eat, then this is the closest. 3/5

Just off Greville St near the parking lot of Safeway, Babble Bar & Cafe is a relax-ing and mid market café. It offers good coffee which seems never to be too hot and some of the best chips and aioli in Melbourne. The décor is something to be admired with the feature wall of dried leaves and the fire place in the corner gives the café an almost ski resort sort of feel. The music can be a little too loud

however, to enjoy a conversation. If it is bothering you, there is always the option (if the weather permits) to sit out side and enjoy the view of the passersby of Prahran. 4/5

On Greville St just past the train station you will find Palate, one of the upper mar-ket cafes of the Prahran area. If you can afford to enjoy the over priced chai latte, then go right ahead, though the coffee may not be the best for the price you pay. The interior is something to be admired with vintage prints of old advertisements mixed with the modern furniture, which gives with vibe of the surrounding area. The clientele is a mixture of Toorak types who think they are bohemian adventur-ers going to Prahran and young couples who use every penny they have to afford a life style they should never have if they want some kind of financial stability in their lives. 2/5

Local Coffee ReviewA Review of Cafes close to school.

Jessamine Welsh

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With two Wesley Students in the running, it’s time for us to get behind our own and VOTE FOR DARCY OR BEN!!

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Hot or NotA list of the in and outs of our society.

Beth Wilson

HOT:Liz Lemon Mario Kart ... on 64.Morning after MaccasVinyl Fire drills that run through classAlice in Wonderland in 3DWhen you wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy

NOT:Farmville MyKiRejected high fivesNot knowing the differ-ence between your and you’reThe “Oh, sorry, that was my last piece” excuse“Twihards”

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Puzzle

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Lions Raw - 2010

Puzzle Paradise

Brain Teasers

You just finished your long Christmas holidays, and now you’re back, stuck in St Kilda Road’s lovely un-airconditioned, stuffy rooms. You can’t open the win-dows for some odd reason, and all you can think about is why the school decides to torture us this way. Well, not anymore! With this new styled Puzzle Paradise, we hope to make you forget school for the time being, hope you can temporarily avoid the idea of learning and just drift back into the holiday mood you miss.

A brief description of what to look forward to in the new styled ‘Puzzle Paradise’.

Campbell McKenzie

(1.) Bob was having a big party. He decided on a technique to get lots of people to come. He invited his five closest friends and said that they could each invite 4 people. Each of those could invite 3, each of those could invite 2, and each of those could invite 1.Overall, how many people did Bob invite to his party?

(2.) An anagram is a word or phrase formed by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. For example, rearrange “none” to get “neon”. It is not considered an anagram if you exchange a letter with the same letter. For example, switching the n’s with each other in “noun” does not give an anagram. Even though a word is not considered an anagram of itself, your task is to find a word that is an anagram of itself. If you can do the seemingly impossible once, you might as well find a sec-ond word that is an anagram of itself.

1. Five2. Stifle and Filets3. Three Degrees Below Zero

0 M.D.Ph.D.L.L.D

(3.)

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Sudoku

EASY

HARD

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Lions Raw - 2010

EASYANSWERS

HARDANSWERS

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Lions Raw - 2010

1. Who directed the blockbuster Titanic?

2. And what is this director’s most recent film?

3. In the movie “Gone With The Wind”, what was Scarlett O’Hara’s maid named?

4. According to FIFA rules in soccer, what is the maximum amount of time a goalkeeper is allowed to hold the ball in his or her hands?

5. Name two of the three South American countries that begin with a vowel.

6. Which continent is divided into the most countries?

7. Who was the captain of the AFL Team of the Century?

8. In the recently attempted ter-rorist attack, a young man tried to light a bomb sewn into his what?

9. What have you eaten if you’ve just consumed a deutoplasm?

10. By how many runs did the Aus-tralian Cricket Team beat Pakistan in the 2010 Test in Sydney?

Quiztastic QuizAlways a bit of fun for Wesley students.

Stephanie McMahon

Answers: 1. James Cameron 2. Avatar 3. Mammy 4. 6 seconds 5. Argentina, Ecuador, and Uruguay 6. Africa 7. Ted Whitten 8. Underpants 9. An egg yolk 10. 36

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Lions Raw - 2010

AriesOh no, I think you are beginning to lose your tentacles! Those pigeons must still be angry at you. Don’t worry, feed them paprika and they will for ever reward you with spare chips.

TaurusLook in the mirror tonight, and memo-rize your face. I hope you have a good memory for faces because all mirrors will be broken and you will never see your face again.

GeminiYou need to become more confident and take over your life. Try wearing a fake giant moustache, or use a pogo stick to get around. That’s a great way to grab attention, and gain respect.

CancerNext performance you go to, become a part of it. Get involved! But heckling your cat while watching it play will just end with scratches over your face and those scars don’t go away.

LeoHow did you enjoy your holiday Leo? That garden you planted looks nice but the eggplant look unsettled and are

about to be inedible. I would pick them before they mutate as they usually do. You don’t want some more of your furni-ture going missing again.

VirgoFor the next few months you should really begin to focus on yourself so take a camping trip to the spiritual beyond but remember to take more wool than cotton based items of clothing. Wool will keep you warm even when it’s wet.

LibraYou are going to have to start sacrificing some important things to get what you want. Just a tip, when removing your own limbs for science, remove them at the joints. It creates less mess.

ScorpioWe know what you did. You won’t admit it, but we know you did it. You took the last Tim Tam and we’re left drowning in a sea of plain biscuits. Venus, as a plan-et, and as the Goddess will make you pay for this unfair behaviour. To make it up, you have to buy us some more and they BETTER BE DOUBLE COATED.

HoroscopesYour future told today.

Madame Gribast Hiawella

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Lions Raw - 2010

SagittariusYou may wake up at any moment to discover that your eyebrows have been shaved off. You really need to get your sleep-grooming under control, or you might not have any more hair to groom.

CapricornStop practising piano in the middle of the night. We can hear you, and you’re ruining the mood.

AquariusWhen your doctor tells you that your foot is made up of meat loaf and glad wrap, don’t worry, it’s just from Jupiter’s orbit changing – Look on the bright side, you still glow in the dark!

PiscesThis month for some reason you will find the word “pseudonym” oddly hilarious. This is absolutely no reason to replace your spine with strawberries, they may make you begin to melt.

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Lions Raw - 2010

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