The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter PASCO COUNTY CHAPTER, FL NOV 2016—JAN 2017 JOIN US ON DECEMBER 11TH AT GULF HARBORS CIVIC CENTER as we join those lighting candles around the world at 7 pm in each time zone to remember children gone too soon. We sponsor and hold our candle lighting ceremo- ny as part of these worldwide remembrance services More information can be found inside this newsletter on page 5 **** On Nov 3rd we are starting a second meet- ing per month. Check out the Chapter News on page 2 for details. INSIDE THIS ISSUE: THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING! SOME DAYS ARE LIKE THIS CHANUKAH FIRST THANKSGIVING SELF HELP A BEAR WEDGED IN GREAT TIGHT- NESS LITTLE LIVES PAGE WHEN WORDS BECOME GIFTS The Holidays Are Coming! "The Holidays are coming! The Holidays are coming!” Most bereaved parents make that observation with the same sense of fear and dread that Chicken Lile had when he announced, "The sky is falling! The sky is fall- ing!" We view Christmas or Hanukkah differently than the rest of the world. In our minds they become great trials to be endured. In my opinion, this trail is tougher than birthdays or death anniversaries. This is the time when love abounds. The family (and extended family) all gather together, coming from near and far, to share in this love. The only trouble with this happy scene is that our child is missing. He or she has traveled too far from us to come for the holidays! We can't buy gifts for a photograph or hug and kiss a memory. The emptiness that this creates in us cannot be filled, no maer how many relatives gather by our hearth. To add to the pain, most well-meaning friends and relatives feel that the best way to handle the problem is to pretend that it doesn't exist. They never mention the one per- son that is on the minds and in the hearts of everyone. We found out, early on, that it is not possible to keep the “presence" of our child out of a family gathering. Trying to do so makes everyone uncomfortable and causes us as parents to feel disloyal. The first Christmas after don't hesitate to recall memories of him as often as we recall those of other children in the family. Because we talk of him in an easy and natural manner, the rest of the family has taken our cue. They now bring up his name naturally. It is all so much more comfortable than the way we tried to handle it that first year. Another couple in our chapter had a wonderful idea for the first holi- day after their daughter died. Their greatest fear was that no one would mention her, so they compiled an album of her pictures and casually left it out on the coffee table. It wasn't long before people were looking through it, recalling favorite memories of her, and the ice was broken. There must be so many other ways that you can make your child a part of your holiday—ways that seem right and comfortable for you. You may choose to keep your thoughts private rather than share them with oth- ers. But the most important thing to remember is that the choice is yours. Do what makes you comfortable, not what others think should make you comfortable. If you follow the dictates of your heart and that gives you comfort, those around you will see that it is so and follow your lead. Marge Frankenberg - TCF Arlington Heights, IL, In loving memory of my son, Blake
Transcript
The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter
PASCO COUNTY CHAPTER, FL NOV 2016—JAN 2017
JOIN US ON DECEMBER 11TH AT GULF
HARBORS CIVIC CENTER as we join those
lighting candles around the world at 7 pm in each
time zone to remember children gone too soon.
We sponsor and hold our candle lighting ceremo-
ny as part of these worldwide remembrance
services More information can be found inside
this newsletter on page 5
**** On Nov 3rd we are starting a second meet-
ing per month. Check out the Chapter News on
page 2 for details.
INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!
SOME DAYS ARE LIKE THIS
CHANUKAH
FIRST THANKSGIVING
SELF HELP
A BEAR WEDGED IN GREAT TIGHT-
NESS
LITTLE LIVES PAGE
WHEN WORDS BECOME GIFTS
The Holidays Are Coming!
"The Holidays are coming! The Holidays are coming!” Most bereaved
parents make that observation with the same sense of fear and dread that
Chicken Little had when he announced, "The sky is falling! The sky is fall-
ing!" We view Christmas or Hanukkah differently than the rest of the
world. In our minds they become great trials to be endured. In my opinion,
this trail is tougher than birthdays or death anniversaries. This is the time
when love abounds. The family (and extended family) all gather together,
coming from near and far, to share in this love. The only trouble with this
happy scene is that our child is missing. He or she has traveled too far from
us to come for the holidays! We can't buy gifts for a photograph or hug and
kiss a memory. The emptiness that this creates in us cannot be filled, no
matter how many relatives gather by our hearth. To add to the pain, most
well-meaning friends and relatives feel that the best way to handle the
problem is to pretend that it doesn't exist. They never mention the one per-
son that is on the minds and in the hearts of everyone. We found out, early
on, that it is not possible to keep the “presence" of our child out of a family
gathering. Trying to do so makes everyone uncomfortable and causes us as
parents to feel disloyal.
The first Christmas after don't hesitate to recall memories of him as
often as we recall those of other children in the family. Because we talk of
him in an easy and natural manner, the rest of the family has taken our cue.
They now bring up his name naturally. It is all so much more comfortable
than the way we tried to handle it that first year.
Another couple in our chapter had a wonderful idea for the first holi-
day after their daughter died. Their greatest fear was that no one would
mention her, so they compiled an album of her pictures and casually left it
out on the coffee table. It wasn't long before people were looking through
it, recalling favorite memories of her, and the ice was broken.
There must be so many other ways that you can make your child a
part of your holiday—ways that seem right and comfortable for you. You
may choose to keep your thoughts private rather than share them with oth-
ers. But the most important thing to remember is that the choice is yours.
Do what makes you comfortable, not what others think should make you
comfortable. If you follow the dictates of your heart and that gives you
comfort, those around you will see that it is so and follow your lead.
Marge Frankenberg - TCF Arlington Heights, IL,
In loving memory of my son, Blake
The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter 2
Several TCF members have stepped up and
joined the Candle Lighting planning group. We
are returning to Gulf Harbors Civic Center this
Year (see pg 5) and this creative enthusiastic
group are working hard to make this a
memorable occasion.
We again joined Pinellas’ TCF
in a Butterfly Release on Oct
8th. After a brief ceremony we
released our individual
butterflies and made a wish
for them to take heaven-ward.
We hope to make this a yearly
event for Pinellas County and
Pasco County TCF chapters
We will hold a yard sale at Cathy Tull’s house
on October 22nd and 23rd for benefit of our
chapter.
NOPE (Narcotics Overdose Prevention and
Education) will hold it’s Candle Lighting on
October 27th. At the Next Level Church, 5015
Darlington in Holiday. Vender fair at 5:30pm,
program begins at 6:30 pm.
Beginning November 3rd: In response to many
saying they wished there was more than one
meeting a month, Cathy has Secured a meeting
room at the SmileFaith Foundation at 8125 US
HWY 19 Suite "A" , Port Richey, FL 34668.
Meetings will be held every first Thursday of
the month. (the first one will be on Nov 3rd.)
Doors will open at 7pm. Meetings will begin
promptly at 7:15pm.
Directions: From US 19 & Trouble Creek : North
on US 19 over the bridge north of Grand, you
will have to make a U-Turn once you pass the
building and make a right into the parking lot,
Parking spaces are on both sides of the
building.
Our regular third Wednesday meetings will
continue at Life Care Center. Feel free to attend
either meeting or both. See the last page in this
newsletter for meeting schedules.
We look forward to seeing you at these events,
our meetings and, yes, at our annual Candle
Lighting.
Holidays are difficult times for all of us. Trying
to balance what we feel up to doing, with what
we want to do and what others expect drain
energy and tend to highlight the absence of our
dear children. Attending the Candle Lighting,
for many of us, focuses on celebrating the too
short lives of and our love for these precious
ones. We wish you gentle holidays and
memories that sustain.
CANDLE LIGHTING
REMEMBRANCE BOOK
Visit The Compassionate Friends
National Office’s website on Sunday
December 11th to post a message in
the 2016 Candle Lighting Remembrance Book.
www.compassionatefriends.org
CHAPTER NEWS:
TCF Pasco County Online www.tcfpascocounty.org
Visit our website for more information about the
chapter, announcements, and helpful links and
resources for bereaved families.
TCF Pasco’s quarterly newsletters are posted on
the chapter website. Please help us keep expenses
down by getting your copy online. Newsletters
can be printed from the website, or downloaded to
your computer in PDF format. Thank you.
TCF Pasco on Facebook To find us on Facebook, look for our page
listing: The Compassionate Friends of Pasco County
The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter 3
Some Days Are Like This
Some days are like this:
Loss shows up and takes over.
It snares and envelopes my soul
A leaden net draping over me, heavy and relentless
Every part of my body pulled down, every limb,
every digit, every organ
Dulled
Slow to move
Immobilized
With heavy arms, and still body I feel the pull of loss
Quietly I sit, not sure if I own it, or if it owns me
My racing pace of circling thoughts winds down
Gradually spinning slower and slower
Time stretches out, almost to a stop.
Why is loss such an oppressor, squeezing breath and
life away?
Why does this oppressor possess me when I know
only too well how precious life’s spark is
And how limited my time is to have it?
Of course there are other days, too, when loss has
melted away
And the leaden net has lifted just magically,
or so it seems
On those days my feet walk lightly
And laughter comes easily.
Today is Christmas So we
gather with our loved ones, embracing each other
Maybe warmly, maybe tentatively
Yet each embrace is shadowed by who is missing
And what has been lost
And all that we miss.
The shadows never leave us
Such loss cannot be outrun or outwitted
It only can be held and felt, merged and submerged
in a deep pool of wisdom
And so we gather, we hold, we wonder, we ache.
Some days are like this.
Charles Eadie
TCF, Santa Cruz, CA
In Memory of my son, Austin
~ ~ ~
Chanukah
At this season of life, we remember the light you
brought into our lives:
The light of your laughter
The light of your wit and intelligence
The light of your love
May the time not be distant when the memory of
these lights will illumine our hearts and minds and
I'm writing to ask if you could find my daughter Sarah-
Beth. You'll know who she is because she's the one stand-
ing outside the crowd with shiny brown hair, piercing
brown eyes, and a smile so big her bright teeth will gleam.
She'll be singing with a voice that will bring tears of joy to
all the angels. You know who I’m talking about. She'll be
on your list of children taken way too soon. I’m sure you
wouldn’t have taken her this soon if you didn’t have a
very special task for her in heaven. I would really appreci-
ate it if you could take a few minutes to find her and give
her this message and a big hug from me.
Dear Sarah-Beth,
God is with you now and he offered to give you this message. I
know you must have a very special task in heaven or you would
still be here with me. I want you to remember to always obey
God and all his Angels, be a good girl and show them how awe-
some you are.
I want to tell you that I miss you every moment of every mi-
nute, I miss your voice, the silly little things you used to do, the
words and songs you would sing nonstop, I miss your caring
heart, the everyday things we did together and the passion you
had for everything you loved. Most of all I want you to know I
wasn’t done with you yet. I've learned a lot since you've been
gone. You taught me to love more, have more passion and never
give up on anything worth having passion for.
Soon it will be 5 years since you left me, and your 23rd birth-
day. I hope you've been getting all your balloons and messages,
I send them every year for your birthday; keep an eye out for 23
of them on January 3rd. I hope I'm making you proud of me by
honoring you in all I do by helping others deal with the pain of
losing their child, grief support and spreading the word about
Suicide. I love you so much.
If you get your own email address in heaven please forward it
to me so we can have these chats more often. Last but not least,
please thank God for giving you this email. I really appreciate
him taking time out of his busy schedule to get this message to
you.
Love you forever …. Mom
Cathy Tull TCF Pasco County, FL
In Loving Memory ANTHONY “DUKE” 1962 –2003
You visit me in memory
So clear, and near - yet far
Beyond physical reach
Or returned speech
You let me know you are:
“Forever in my heart”
“
Happy Birthday Son of Mine
I love you...
Your Mama Jean
Jean Limongello TCF Pasco County, FL
The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter 5
YOUR NAME: ……..…………………………………………………………………………………………………. ADDRESS: ………...…………………………………………………………………………………………………… CITY/STATE/ZIP: ………...……………………………………………........TELEPHONE:....................................... EMAIL ADDRESS: ………..…………………………………Dessert/snack donation………………………………… CHILD’S FULL NAME: …………………………………………….. INCLUDE IN PROGRAM: YES… NO…. NUMBER OF ADULTS ATTENDING: …..………… NUMBER OF CHILDREN ATTENDING: ……....…
PLEASE JOIN US
AS WE REMEMBER OUR CHILDREN
AT OUR CANDLE LIGHTING
CEREMONY
ON DECEMBER 11th AT:
GULF HARBORS CIVIC CENER,
4610 FLORAMAR TERRACE,
NEW PORT RICHEY, FL
Doors open 6:30 pm. our special
candle lighting ceremony will begin
at 7 pm with the lighting of the first of
three candles. The ceremony will include music, poetry readings, a speaker, and a DVD presentation
of the children’s pictures, and the lighting of individual candles (candles will be provided.)
Fellowship, finger food, beverages and desserts hosted by TCF members. Donations of refreshments
or to help with the event expense are welcome, but not required.
Please let us know your plans to attend by filling out the form at the bottom of this page
If you want your child’s picture to be included in the DVD send their photograph with the form.
You can also send your details and a digital Photo to: [email protected] Or bring it in to the November TCF meeting.
Gulf Harbors Civic Center is handicapped accessible, however if you use a larger than standard wheel
chair please contact us so we can make rest room arrangements . Also indicate if you want your child’s
picture in the DVD, but not their name in the program or visa versa.
The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter 6
Self Help
For many of us, the monthly meeting of our Com-
passionate Friends Group is the only real healing
time we give to ourselves. Helping ourselves on a
daily basis is critical to our journey in the grieving
process.
Many of us find solace in books. Others find it in
movies, music, time with friends, meditation or
intense spiritual conviction. Each day we should
take some time to center ourselves, to find a place
of peace.
If you haven’t already done so, start with a quiet
time of reflection and search your soul for the key
to your own solace. There will still be bad, even
terrible, days. The effort to help ourselves begins
with knowing ourselves and finding the unique
activity that soothes our broken hearts for just a
little while.
Annette Mennen Baldwin
In memory of my son, Todd Mennen
TCF, Katy, TX
TELLING ONES SORROW OFTEN BRINGS
COMFORT"
-Pierre Corneille (circa 1640)
“…a bear wedged in great tightness.”
“In a tape called, ‘To Touch a Grieving Heart’ there is a wonderful little reminder of the Winnie the Pooh story by A. A. Milne. You may recall that Winnie goes to visit Rabbit and eats too much honey. Coming out of Rabbit’s hole, he gets stuck tight – so tight he can’t even sigh. He asks his friends to
stay with him, read him a story, and offer words of comfort…and thus to help ‘a bear wedged in great tightness.’
Notice that Pooh does not ask to be pulled out of the hole, he asks only for company so he is not alone. I think Grief is like being ‘a bear wedged in great tightness.’ And, while we cannot make the grief go away for each other, The Compassionate Friends starts and stops with the core idea that we will be
there for each other; that ‘we need not walk alone.’ ”
Opening remarks of the late Richard Edler’s keynote speech at the
1996 TCF National Conference
The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter 7
TO MY MISCARRIED
BABY
Out of our love you came,
Planned, wanted, welcomed.
Your announcement created
excitement, joy.
Friends and family inquired,
Do you want a girl or boy?
Will you take Lamaze?
What colors for the nursery?
Then suddenly you're gone —
and silence.
No one talks about a baby that
won't be.
Were you real or a dream?
I feel alone and empty.
Where can I put my love that
was for you?
Now what does it mean?
Betty Ruder
TCF North Shore Chapter, IL
What I Need
A lot of time!
A little space,
A kind of quiet
Resting place,
Are what I need
At times like these
A special spot
Where I can grieve.
Beth Pinion
TCF Andalusia, AL
THE ANNIVERSARY
Let me be sad today,
Give me this day to mourn.
It’s the date my little son died,
And also the date he was
born.
Let me think back to his birth
The fear of viewing him, dead.
Memories of holding him
close,
And cradling his little head.
Allow me to visit his grave,
To let a few balloons go,
To place flowers lovingly,
And trim the grass that does
grow.
Allow me tears to cry,
Love fills my heart to the brim
Spilling it on those close by.
While always longing for him
Elizabeth Dent
TCF McMinnville, OR
You can’t prevent birds of sorrow flying over
your head – but you can prevent them from
building nests in your hair.
--CHINESE PROVERB
~ ~
When you are sorrowful look again in your
heart, and you shall see that in truth you are
weeping for that which has been your delight.
~Kahlil Gibran
~ ~
Birthday and Anniversary Table
When you attend a meeting that takes
place during the month of your child’s
birthday or anniversary you are invited
to bring a picture of your child to the
meeting to display and/or pass around
to the group.
The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter 8
Our Children... Remembered
BIRTHDAYS
NOVEMBER Adam Brewer
Michael James Corcoran
Jeremy Chaffin
Robert Cummines
Brandyn Dawson
Gabriel Aaron Hall
Amaya Leigh Hardy
Jared
Brittany Johnson
Kimberly Klopp
Paul Matheus
Frank Joseph Pepe
Jay Porter
Taylor John Singer
Allie Tomasko
DECEMBER Randy Johnson
Shane Grahm
Diana Vanderbilt
Anthony (Duke) Limongello
Bryan Lohr
Mark Matta
Nathanial James Gary Flynn
Nathan Layton
Anthony Milano
Darci Lou Myrice
Kimberly Lynn Osborne
Jennifer Petty
Kiana Sablan
Kristin Marie Schyver
Stephn Michael Skinner
Matt Stock
JANUARY Robert “Robbie” Allen
Nicholas Gerard Azzuc
Roy David Barber
Miichael Braden
Sarah Beth
Trista Cresap
Tristen J. Daniels
Darren Derby
Joel Delgado
Robert Gerrior Sr.
Cody Gilbertson
Robert James Hay
Shane Leggett
Kevin Michael
Michael Miller
Jennifer Lee Otto
Melissa Richardson
Delany Rossman ANNIVERSARIES
NOVEMBER: Eric Brooks
Lillianna Pearl Boyer
Gabriel Aaron Hall
Robert “Tito” Hill
Chris Huck
Clair Lynn Kessler
Zoran Curic-Krulj
Louise A, Mathews
Michaela Marie Packard
Richare Robinson
Delany Rossman
Matt Stock
Matt Stock
DECEMBER: Lisa Abearnethy
Nicholas Alcaro
Richard Beaulier
Logan Brock
David Flint Comini
Austin Duink
Ronald “Chip” Farchione
Christopher Helbing
Jennifer Lee (Jenn) Otto Hicks
Tammy Johnston
Nathan Layton
Jason E Leevet
George Viet Majorana Jr.
Christine (Tammy) Rubright
Stephn Michael Skinner
Michael Villani
Matthew Voorhees
Jessica Woltcheck
JANUARY Christopher Michael Birchfield
Justin Blackwell
Sarah Beth
Joshua Vernon Cooney
Michael James Corcoran
Darren Derby
Jeremy Chaffin
Joel Delgado
Nathanial James Gary Flynn
Amaya Leigh Hardy
Brittany Johnson
Paul Matheus
Kevin Michael
Teddy Niziol
Thomas Nutter
Samantha Ann Miller Oldaker
Frank Joseph Pepe
Vance Sanders
The Garden Of Angels at North Meadowlawn Cemetery in New Port Richey was established as a living memorial to our children. Brass plaques, showing your child’s name and dates,
can be purchased for display on the cenotaph from our chapter. For more details, please ask at one of our meetings, call our help line, or email Cathy Tull
Child’s Name: ________________________________ Relationship To You: _____________________________
Donation amount: _____________________________
MAIL TO: The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter, P.O. Box 1376, Elfers, FL 34680 Thank you for your support
Love Gifts
Linda Hoobler IMO
Adam Spencer
Mark and Cathy Tull IMO
Sarah Beth
Silvana and Goran Krulj IMO
Zoran Krulj
Jean Limongello IMO
Anthony “Duke” Limongello
Our Corporate Sponsors
We acknowledge and thank the following companies for their sponsorship and continued support:
Life Care Center of New Port Richey
SmileFaith Foundation
CORRECTIONS
The Compassionate Friends of Pasco County thanks you for your support!
We are a non-profit, self-help organization, staffed entirely by volunteers who are themselves also bereaved parents. We receive no form of funding and rely on your generous donations to keep our chapter running.
We are always looking for volunteers who can spare a little time to help us with some of the many tasks involved in the day to day running of the chapter. For more information, please ask at one of our monthly meetings, or contact us by telephone or e-mail (details below in the newsletter memorials section.)
For a donation of $50, you can place a full page memorial, devoted to your loved one, in the issue of your choice (you may include items such as a special poem, photographs, or a personal message for your child.) For a $25 donation, you can place a half page in the newsletter. Both are on an availability basis. If you are interested in having a full or half page memorial, or have any questions, please call the chapter phone line (813) 273-8721, or contact us via e-mail at [email protected] Love Gifts are living memorials to our children, usually given on anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. When making a gift, please include your name, address, the name of the child the donation is in memory of, and your relationship to them. Love Gifts can be brought to any meeting, or mailed to: The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter, P.O. Box 1376, Elfers, FL 34680. A tear-off slip is included below for your convenience. We want to make sure that the content of our newsletter is accurate and up to date. Please let us know if you change your address or if our records are in any way incorrect.
WANT TO HELP?
MEMORIAL IN THE NEWSLETTER
LOVE GIFTS
The Compassionate Friends, Pasco County Chapter 11
When Words Become
Gifts
On Thanksgiving Day,
1994, two of my three young
adult sons, Erik and David,
were killed in a freak car
accdent. Years after the accident, my husband and I were at
David’s college alma mater for a holiday event. I was in the
dessert line when a woman came up to me and said, “I saw your
name tag—are you David Aasen’s mom?” After doing a double
take (it had been some time since I had been asked what used to
be a rather common question), I replied with much apprecia-
tion, “Yes, I am!” With those three, almost magical, words this
person gave me five gifts.
Her first gift was saying David’s name. Instead of just think-
ing to herself, Hmmm, I bet that’s David Aasen’s mom but I
better not say anything, she said something.
Her second gift was sharing a story with me about how her
daughter, a classmate of David’s, still treasures the friendship
she and David shared.
Acknowledging that I’m still a mom was her all-important
third gift. While my sons’ deaths have resulted in my becoming
a bereaved mother, death cannot take away the fact that I am,
and always will be, Erik and David’s mom.
The fourth gift was permission to share a bit of my grief
journey with her. Since their deaths, I explained, there haven’t
been any truly easy, carefree, feeling-on-top-of-the-world days,
but taking each day as it comes has been the most “doable”
way for me to go on.
Her questions and manner did not make me feel obligated to
cover up my grief and was the fifth gift. I felt valued for my
honesty and my integrity remained intact.
The warmth of those five gifts has lingered on in my heart
and has comforted me. As I reflect on the experience, I marvel at
how just a few simple words had such an impact. I have come
to the conclusion that most bereaved parents want nothing
more than the opportunity to talk comfortably with others
about their children. Just being able to share stories about our
sons and daughters in a safe place, along with the permission to
mourn in our own way and for as long as we need to, even for a
lifetime, is what matters most to us.
The real treasure comes when others introduce our children’s
names and stories into an everyday conversation. Knowing our
sons and daughters are remembered and live on in the hearts
and lives of others is a measure of the meaningful legacy that
our sons and daughters have left to us and to the world.
