A woobie (named for a child's security blanket) is that character you want to give a big hug, wrap in a blanket and feed soup to when he or she suffers so very beautifully. Woobification of a character is a curious, audience-driven phenomenon, divorced almost entirely from the character’s canonical morality. ~TVTropes

One Ugly Pie

Episode 17.2

“I fuckin’ hate Deadmines.”

I walk a lonely road the only one I’ve ever known, don’t now where it goes but it’s the only one and I walk aloneI walk this empty street on the boulevard of empty dreams while the city sleepsI walk alone

My shadow is the only one walking beside meMy shallow heart is the only thing beatingSometimes I wish someone from up above will join meUntil then I walk aloneI walk along this line the divides my lineOn borderline I walk aloneLeap between the linesWhat’s fucked up is everything’s alrightI check my vital signs to see if I’m still alive

My shadow is the only one walking beside meMy shallow heart is the only thing beatingSometimes I wish someone from up above will join meTil then I walk aloneI walk aloneI walk aloneI walk alone

I walk this empty street on the boulevard of empty dreams while the city sleeps while I’m all aloneI walk alone.

As misheard ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’

That has to be the worst part of it all though. The judging. And not just by me, but by anyone. It's so ridiculous how much it controls my life. The judging. What will they think of me? Am I doing the right thing? What if I'm doing it wrong and no one is willing to tell me I'm wrong because it's too embarrassing for them to even approach me? They'll just look at me with their eyes and I can feel the stares on me all the time. What's come over me?

And appearances get far worse. I hardly ever care about my appearance at all. And then suddenly I do. But it's usually only around those blasted people. Looking at me, judging me by the way I look and carry myself. I feel so compelled to change myself into a better person so these people would stop staring and leave me alone! But I can't. I can't be bothered. Because I know deep down inside I really don't care. And yet I DO CARE! I'll walk down the street minding my own business and then another person will just look at me and suddenly I'll feel guilty that I don't wash my face every day or maybe I have some sort of thing on my face that's just invisible to me but clearly there when other people look. It's maddening is what it is.

How ya doin Vernie? Oi zai, oi zai! How ya doin Vernie? Oi zai, oi zai! How ya doin Verni? Oi zai, Oi zai!And all the pretty girls say I'm pretty fly for a rabbi. Mekka mekka hai mekka mekka jolly oh!

Our temples had our fair share of rabbis from the past, most of them were goodnicks and none of them would last. But our new guy is no kosher, he'll really do the trick. I tell ya he's to die for, he really knows a stick. So how fai you, have you seen this jew? Read a torrent does, his own accounting too.

Working like a dog at the cine gong, he's there all day, he's there all day! Just say ine snear and he'll kick into gear, he'll bring lots of cheer and maybe bagels with some shmere. Just grab your yaminkai and hey, hey do the hero thing!

As misheard ‘Pretty Fly for a Rabbi’

Just thinking of talking with someone else seems to be such a challenge. Like first of all, what would I even say? Hello? Get real! Like anyone really cares about hello. How are you? Are you having a wonderful day? It's just so... bothersome. Because honestly, it terrifies me to wonder what the response is and even then how I should respond to their response. Suppose they are having a good day? What do I say then? What more can I say? What would I talk about? My hobbies are so far by gone and rejected by me that I can't be bothered to even bring them up. Why? Am I so embarrassed by my hobby that I don't even care to mention it?

No, it's not that. It's just, I feel that no one would care. Who cares that I spend so much of my time writing or even worse, gaming. What good is a gamer in this world? It just seems so unfair. I mean honestly, how do you just go up to people and proudly say, "I'm a gamer!" and it will totally blow their mind? Perhaps maybe to other gamers. But then again, maybe not. And how many people out there are gamers and willing to admit it so openly in front of other people willingly? It's scary to me, but... Ugh I don't know! I just don't know!!

Home in the valley, home in the city. Home everlasting, ain't no home for me. Home in the darkness, home on the highway Home ain't on my side, ain't no home for me.

Burn out the day. Burned out the night. I don't see no reason to put up a fight. I'm ain't givin’ no devil what's do. And I'm burnin’ I'm burnin' I'm burnin' for you. I'm burnin' I'm burnin’ I'm burnin’ for you.

As misheard ‘ Burning for You’

But back to that opposite gender thing. This one time I was in a bar and the tender happened to be female. I order my drink, hunky dory, and go into my own little world of my mind. The one safe place I can be when I'm out in public places. Did I mention how much I hate being out in the public? Perhaps I should mention it. Anyways, I'm also there with my dad because he wanted me to hang out with him at, of all places, a bar. So anyways, he tells me that the tender is cute and that I should talk to her.

Talk to her about what? What could I possibly talk about? My mind is racing over a billion different things, all probably the least bit of importance to her especially when there are other people to tend to. This is a bar after all. I did feel better about myself though when overhearing the tender talk to another customer about having a partner. I practically wanted to jeer at my dad, "See she's already spoken for!" and go back to my little cozy mind.

Na nana na nana na nana na. Hush hush I thought I heard her calling my name now Hush hush need good loving and I ain't wastin Hush hush thought I heard her calling my name now Hush hush need good lovin and I ain't wastin

Love love got up early in the mornin Love love got up late in the evenin Love love. Na nana na nana na nana na.

As misheard ‘Hush’

Did I mention that I have no, as it's coined, real life friends? Well, actually, I did have real live friends at a point in my life... when I was younger and didn't much care about plenty of things. It was so much easier to make friends as a kid. But once those terrible teen years hit, I suddenly became self conscious of who I was, what I looked like, and that there are people who just flat out would not like me just because of who I am without really giving me a chance. And it didn't help when my lifestyle took away those friends I did have. I need not go into details about that since... since I don't want to be reminded. Lost friends just hurt.

Do I have friends at all? Of course I do. But I only know them in forms of communication that allow us to have a link. A link that is of common interest without the painful need to socialize with other people until finding the right ones. I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing, but honestly, I still love these friends that I do have. Sure, I only know them through text on a computer screen and a couple by voices that I've heard through voice chats, but they are still real friends to me. As real as talking to someone face-to-face.

Every time I look in the mirror, I see those lines gettin’ clearer. The past is gone. Bringin’ back like dusk to dawn. Everybody got their dues in life to pay. Oh sing with me, sing for the years. Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears .Sing it with if it's just for today, maybe tomorrow the good lord take us away.

Half my life's in book written pages. Live and learn from fools and from sages. You know it's true. Bring all those things back to you. Sing with me sing for the years. Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears. Sing it with me if it's just for today, maybe tomorrow the good lord take us away.

Dream on, dream on, dream until your dreams come true.

As misheard ‘Dream On’

Don't get me wrong, my dad's a good guy. I mean, one time when I was staying up late to play my games, he came to check on me to see how I was doing. I just wish he could understand me better or at least try to. It feels like we live in completely different worlds, but mine is more useless in the grand scheme of things.

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name It felt good to get out of the rain. In the desert you can remember your name Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain.

As misheard ‘Horse with No Name’

Sigh, I don't know why socializing has to be so difficult. It's worse when I’m in a situation that practically demands it. Like when people get invited over to the house. I want to go off and do my own thing and be out of the way, but then it's like, "Hey, let's meet so'n so and see what he's been up to lately." What have I been up to lately? Oh you know, just playing my games. What more do you need to know? Or rather, what more do you care to know? It's my world hat I care about with great interest and you're just feigning to show that you care? Or maybe you are generally interested but just lost and confused because when talk about my hobby, I start going so fast and things just turn into a great heaping blah.

I would climb any mountain. Sail across the stormy sea. If that's what it takes me to prove how much you mean to me. And it must be the woman in you that brings out the man in me. I know I can't help myself you mean all the world to me.

It feels like the first time. It feels like the very first time. It feels like the first time. It feels like the very first time! Oh won't you open up the door!

As misheard ‘Feels Like the First Time’

Let's just face it. I have no talent. I'm a hack job. I'm ugly. I have no friends. I have no love. All I have is my games. And me.

“I fuckin’ hate Deadmines.”