Please Do Not Steal This Story

8/9/2019 Please Do Not Steal This Story

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Please do not steal this story, God is watching.

PROPERTY OF haveyouseenthisgirl.yolasite.com

Denny / Y!TG"s #ote$ Pardon the grammar, % did not ta&e time to edit this and %

admit my tenses suc&.

% &now my English is not very good at all 'ut (ust 'ear with it. O&ehh)*D

+++

!o you"re dying, what"s your -lan now)

%"ll 'argain im-ortant -eo-le with God.

uh) 0argain) 1hat do you mean)

%"ll collect signatures and -ass the contract to God when % meet im.

% don"t get you.

% ho-e God does.

!ignatures to 0argain with God

aveYou!eenThisGir2 3 4

You can"t stay 5orever...

You don"t live always...


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You are limited...

There is a 6nishing line.

0ut a5ter the line, is the 'eginning.

%t ta&es signatures.

+++

7 %ntroduction to the 8ontract 9

%t"s normal that -eo-le die, -eo-le leave. Yet the normality we can"t acce-t. 1e

o5ten say to ourselves, % want a normal

li5e 'ut a lot o5 us doesn"t even &now what normal means in li5e. 1e"re all a'normal

in our way o5 thin&ing.

% am a'normal.

1hat"s on your mind)

% switch 'ac& to reality when % heard his voice. % turn my head to his direction and

give him a de5eated


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smile, :amamatay na a&o di'a)

e twitches 5or a second then he -ats my head, %t"s normal.

1hat % li&e a'out him is he doesn"t give me lies (ust to com5ort me. 1hat"s the -oint

o5 telling someone everything"s

gonna 'e alright i5 it"s not, right) e com5orts me honestly. The truth hurts 'ut the

lies are worse.

!hould % 'elieve your 5ather) his 5ather is the one who told me that % only have

4wee&s or less to live, his 5ather is my

doctor.

% don"t &now, my 'iological 5ather is not a God. 0ut our Father is. he -oints u- with

his 5ore6nger. % &now who he is

tal&ing a'out.

1e"re 8atholics 'ut the thing is, % am not such a good 8atholic. % don"t go to !undaymass neither do % -ray or genu;ect

when % -ass'y the church. % don"t have the 8atholic attitude 'ut % do 'elieve that

there is someone u- there that owns us,

my -arents told me that when % was little. 1e call him God.

%5 % 'elieve in im, it only means that % should also 'elieve that these current

events in my li5e are normal.

O5 course. Dying is normal.

% have not e


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% raise my 5eet and -lace it on the 'ench were we are sitting, % hug it tightly laying

my head on my &nees, without loo&ing

at him % said, =re you telling me that % should acce-t everything) That %"m really

dying)

e -laces his hand around my shoulder and &isses the to- o5 my head, % did not

say you"ll have to acce-t it, what %"m

saying is... do not 'e a5raid o5 it.

Thoughts ;ushes in my mind cra>ily, % 6nd it hard to com-rehend with my own

thoughts. % -ut down my 5eet then 5ace my

'oy5riend and hug him tightly. %"ve decided something...

8an % change my 'irthday to today"s date)

:oses s-lit the ocean into two so changing your 'irthday doesn"t seem im-ossi'le.

1hat are you -lanning, 'a'y)

% start crying and so''ing into his shirt, % want to live, 5or the 6rst time.

Fe'ruary 4?, 4 at @.AB-m, ha--y 'irthdayC =5ter my 'oy5riend said that, % 'lew

the candle o5 my ca&e. %"m


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cele'rating my 6rst 'irthday in his room, in his 'ed. =5ter the scene on the 'ench,

he 'rought me to the nearest church

and -leaded a -riest to 'a-ti>e me again while % was still crying. Though we did not

as& the legal -a-ers to 'e changed,

with the 'a-tism % already 5eel li&e new to the world.

8an % give my -resent some other day)

=re you &idding me) There"s no need 5or a -resent, you"re more than enough. %

suddenly -ull him closer to me and

snuggle him, 'ecause o5 that we 5ell on his 'ed. Fortunately the ca&e was -laced in

the small ta'le 'e5ore we 5ell so it

was sa5e 5rom 'eing ruined.

e -ulls away some strands o5 hair that was messily -laced on my 5ace and he

-laces it on the 'ac& o5 my ear, 1hat

did you wish 5or)

:emories.

That"s cool, am % -art o5 it)

O5 course, your signature is on my list.

1hat signature) 1hat list) % can see how con5used his 5ace is, % don"t &now i5 % can

e


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This time he res-onds, hh... yeah 'ut % remem'er it vaguely. e was tal&ing a'out

something a'out the li5e in heaven

or... ah, % don"t remem'er at all.

The -astor said that when you die, only your soul comes 'ac& to heaven.

1hich means)

%5 it"s only our souls it means we don"t 'ring anything with us even memories...

uh)

The -astor also said that when our souls meet in heaven, we"ll &now each other on

that moment 'ut we would not

remem'er what relations we had on Earth. 1e are -romised to 'e 6lled with (oys in

eaven and to 5ul6ll that, we have to

leave our memories here on Earth which are 5ull o5 suerings and sadness. The

ha--y memories aren"t even an

e


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% can hear the tic&ing o5 his wall cloc&. Tic&, tic&, tic&. %t has the same rhythm with

my heart'eat.

!o you"re dying, what"s your -lan now)

% would li&e to gain my 'irthday wish.

:eaning)

%"ll collect memories.

You said that according to last summer"s youthcam-"s -astor, when we die we only

'ring our souls with us, we leave

everything 'ehind even the memories. !o...)

%"m not con6dent with this 'ut % thin&... %"ll 'argain im-ortant -eo-le with God.

uh) 0argain) 1hat do you mean)

%"ll collect signatures and -ass the contract to God when % meet im.

!ignatures and a contract) 0argaining with God) 1hat are you saying, % don"t getyou.

% close my eyes and -ray, % ho-e God does.

=nd 5or the th signature... % am in my room, in 5ront o5 my study ta'le writing

the th signature owner on a -iece o5

'ond -a-er that % have claimed to call The 8ontract. 1hen % have 6nished writingthe last name, % raise the -a-er and

loo& at it 5or a minute and % let o a determined and ho-e5ul smile.

% -lace the -a-er on the ta'le and % stand u- 5rom my seat as % ta&e out my -hone

5rom my -oc&et and started searching


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a name in my -hone'oo&. 1hen %"ve 5ound it, % clic& the call 'utton and it 5eels li&e

my heart'eat is louder than the

-hone"s rings.

Ring, ring, ring...

!omeone -ic&s it u- a5ter ? or B rings. %t has 'een a long time. % wonder i5 this

-erson still remem'ers me...


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ello)

Your voice never changed.

PROPERTY OF haveyouseenthisgirl.yolasite.com

+++

7 First !ignature 9

1here are you going, ana&)C u-on entering my room, my mom is sur-rised too

see me in my (eans, (ac&et and ru''er

shoes. :y out6t clearly says that %"m going out.

:om, % need to go to the -ar&.

0ecause % have an old 5riend waiting 5or me...

=t a time li&e this)C

Oh -lease mom, don"t e


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#o.

% -out at her res-onse, #ot 5airC You usually allow me to go outside at this hour and

even lateC

Don"t you understand the situation)C in'etween her lines, % hear her so'. % don"t

&now i5 she"s crying, % can"t see her 5ace

neither her tears. % try to turn her to 5ace me and my thought is con6rmed, my mom

is crying again.

#o, not again 'ut always. :y mom is always crying since she &new a'out my

sic&ness and due date. 1hy does the

thought o5 dying ma&es a -erson cry) % want to &now, what is the saddest thing

a'out death) 1hat is there to cry a'out

death) 1hat is) 1hy) uestions.


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% em'race my mother and whis-er to her ear, % don"t understand the situation and

%"m not trying to understand it

anymore. %t might sound that %"m weary o5 all o5 these and %"m li&e giving u- 'ut %"ll

tell you the truth mom, %"m not dying.

!he -ushes me a little 'ecause she is ta&en a'ac& 5rom my words, You"re not

dying)C The doctor (ust said...

% (ust started living li5e so how come %"m dying) % will die 'ut %"m not dying, mom.

Please do remem'er that.

1hat... what are you saying) % don"t understand. You"re con5using meC !to- using

un5athoma'le -hrasesC

% wi-e the tears on mom"s chee& and &iss the ti- o5 her nose, :om, -lease let mego tonight) Please)

% (ust said you can"tHHH

Do you remem'er when % was in si


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and her) 1hy didn"t % see you guys hanging out anymore)

% 'ullied her.

Thic& and clear. :y words are nothing 'ut guilt and regret.

%HHH mom can"t even continue her word, she covers her mouth with her right hand

in astonishment.

%"m a 'ad girl mom, a 'ad 5riend. % want to understand why % did such things so

-lease, let me go. Please, mom.

Please.

=re you meeting her tonight)

% nod, =5ter Kyrs.

Then go.


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% -lace my hands inside my (ac&et"s -oc&et as % wal& to the -ar&. % loo& u- the s&y,

it"s a 5ull moon with lots o5 stars around

it. The wind is 'lowing hard , %"m glad % had my hair tied u-wards 'ecause i5 not, the

wind will (ust undo my hair and it"ll

'e really annoying. %t"s so Iuiet and calm here in the -ar& only the rustling o5 the

leaves can 'e heard, there is no one

here. =t a time li&e this, -eo-le are usually in their houses eating dinner or doing

their assigned wor&s, or may'e others

are having a -arty. 1ho &nows.

%"ve decided to settle mysel5 in one o5 the 'enches here, % start -laying with my

6ngers as % wait 5or her.

ello)

Your voice never changed.

1ho are you)

% was a 5riend.

uh)

Don"t you recogni>e my voice)

%s it you....

%t"s me, your 5ormer 'est5riend.

% don"t remem'er having a 'est5riend.

Then, can we get to &now each other and 'ecome 'est5riends) %"ll meet you at the

-ar& tomorrow at K-m. % would really

want to 'e 5riends with you.


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1hen % called her and she recogni>ed that it was me on the other line, her sweet

voice changed in a sour one. % can"t

'lame her, even i5 it has already 'een Kyears, the wound % gave her will always

remain a wound. % le5t a scar in her heart,

% don"t &now how to remove it. % as&ed her to meet me here and %"m not really sure i5

she"ll come 'ut % do ho-e she will

'ecause %"m here to as& 5orgiveness.

Tic&, toc&, tic&...


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%t"s -m already, is she coming or not)

:y ho-e o5 her coming 'egins to waver. % cross my 6ngers and &ee- chanting that,

!he"ll come. !he"ll come. !he"ll

come.

=5ter another hal5 hour, % decide to stand u- 5rom my seat. % wal& 'ac& and 5orth in

5ront o5 the 'ench with my 6ngers still

crossed and &e-t on chanting. % 5eel so 6dgety.

% sto-. % decide to -ull out my cell-hone 5rom my (ac&et"s -oc&et and dial hernum'er.

=s soon as %"ve heard the ringing o5 the other line, another sound -lays somewhere

near me.

LFor 'etter imagination, -lease -lay$ One 5riend 'y Dan !ealsM

% always thought you were the 'est

% guess % always will

% always thought that we were 'lessed

=nd % 5eel that way still

!ometimes we too& the hard road

0ut we always saw it through

% start searching the -lace, % &now that song. %t was our 5avorite song, it was our

graduation song in elementaryC


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%5 % had only one 5riend le5t

%"d want it to 'e you

!ometimes the world was on our side

!ometimes it wasn"t 5air

!ometimes it gavHH

Oh noC the music sto-s 'ut a5ter that % heard a -anic&y voice that came 5rom one

o5 the 'ushes near at my le5t side. %

turn my head to that direction and 5rom the moon"s re;ection, % see her standing

near a tree with a trou'led 5ace while

she is holding her -hone.


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HhiC she said stammering and em'arrassed.

!ometimes it gave a hel-ing hand

!ometimes we didn"t care

"8ause when we were together

%t made the dream come true



!omeone who understands me

% run towards her, (um- to her and hug her tightly. 1e 'oth 5ell on the ;oor, crying.

%"m sorry. %"m sorry. %"m sorryC % &ee- on saying while my crying 5ace is 'uried on

her chest. % 5elt her touch on my 'ac&

and her hug tightens.

Do you even &now how hard it was to decide whether to go to that 'ench and tal&

to you or (ust go 'ac& home) % was

already here when you arrived and 5or the last @hrs, %"ve 'een hesitating to show

mysel5 to youC she"s shouting to the to-

o5 her lungs, % don"t &now what emotions she has 'ecause % am too 6lled with my

own 5eelings to even recogni>e other"s.

%"m sorry 5or 'eing so mean to you way 'ac& then. % was (ust a5raid to 'e 'ullied

too. %"m sorry 5or 'eing sel6sh and


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leaving you all alone. %"m really sorry, % had 'een such a &id.

!ssh. 1e were only 4 'ac& then, so it"s acce-ta'le. %t"s more li&ely to thin& o5

ourselves when were &ids 'ut % guess

that we"re not &ids anymore, you"re not li&e that 5rom the -ast anymore right) she

-ulls me away 5rom her and holds me

in my 5ace loo&ing directly in my eyes 6lled with tears li&e hers.

Yes, % still am. % still thin& o5 mysel5 and %"m still sel6sh 'ut % will never commit the

same mista&e again. % never succeeded

in 6nding someone li&e you...

=nd &nows me inside out

el-s &ee- me together

=nd 'elieves without a dou't,

That % could move a mountain

!omeone to tell it to




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!omeone

=nd &nows me inside out

el-s &ee- me together

=nd 'elieves without a dou't,

That % could move a mountain

!omeone to tell it to

8an we 'oth sto- searching) %t"s more than im-ossi'le to 6nd our re-licates. she

smiles at me. = smile that 'rings all

ho-e in my heart.

=m % 5orgiven)

2ong ago. %"ve only 'een waiting 5or you to call me 'ut you never did and %"m glad

yesterday night, you"ve 6nally decided

to -atch things u-. % miss hugging you li&e this, % miss you, my 'est5riend.

1e hug each other again, stayed down there in the 'ushes crying while the moon

'ecomes the witness o5 our mending

5riendshi-.



Even i5 it was that late, we decided to en(oy the night to a 4A/ &arao&e 'ar and

sung our hearts out in the &arao&e. 1e

en(oyed it so much that we almost 5orgot the time. 1e decided to wal& home

together at around .am. !ince her


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house is nearer than mine, % am the one to accom-any her to her house and wal&

'ac& home alone.

=re you sure you can go 'ac& home alone) Don"t you thin& it"ll 'e too dangerous)

she says as she o-ens the gate o5

her house, %5 you want you can stay here or %"ll as& dad to give you a ride 'ac&

home.

That"ll 'e great 'ut % thin& %"ll (ust wal& 'ac& home alone. Than&s anyway. %

re5used.

1ell then, %"ll 'e heading. Goodnight and 0ye.

Goodnight to you too.she closes the door, turns her 'ac& and starts wal&ing to her

house 'ut 'e5ore she could reach


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the door o5 their house, % sto- her,1aitC

!he turns to me, Yes)

% -ull out a 5olded -a-er and a small -en 5rom my (ean"s -oc&et,8an you sign this)

!he wal&s 'ac& to the gate and o-ens it, 1hat is it)

% un5olded the -a-er to the -art o5 her name and show it to her, % need your

signature.

For what)

%"m collecting signatures.

For what) she re-eats her Iuestion while she starts signing it. ere.

Than& you. %t"s a secret, you"ll &now in the near 5uture. $@

OhC = secret, huh) %"ll 'e loo&ing 5orward to it. 1ell then, goodnight againC !ee

youC

0ye 'yeC she returns to her house, closes the door and % start wal&ing 'ac& to my

house.

OhC = secret, huh) %"ll 'e loo&ing 5orward to it. 1ell then, goodnight againC!ee

youC

% don"t &now when we would see each other again. =s o5 now, 'ye 'ye.

% ta&e a loo& to the contract, 5olded it and -ut it 'ac& inside my (ean"s -oc&et.


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N more signatures and % 5eel this wea& already.

+++


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4nd signature

!o how was it, 'a'y)

now what, a normal human will 6nd this 'argaining sad and des-erate 'ut 5or me,% 6nd it riveting. then % smile at him,

0a'y, %"m cra>y am % not)

e -inches my nose, !ometimes % want to 'elieve that my dad was (o&ing a'out

your 6ndings.

ey, hey. 1hat i5 he"s really (o&ing)

Yeah, right. we 'oth laugh at a very stu-id conversation.

1e"re seated on a hammoc& in our 'ac&yard. % told him a'out the 6rst signature and

he &e-t on as&ing me who"re the

others 'ut % &e-t his curiosity intact.

!o, will % 'e a'le to sign that contract too)

mm, my tone is insinuating, !orry to say 'ut there werent any s-ace anymore.


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The usual sensitive him wears the universal scowl and % then 'urst out laughing as %

-at his arm, %"m (ust &iddingC

1hy youC % run away 5rom him as he tries to tic&le me. 1e run around in circle li&e

cra>y.

RisaC we only sto--ed when mom saw us, You shouldn"t 'e running li&e thatC

!he gets a 5ace towel and starts wi-ing my sweat li&e %"m some ?year old &iddo.

:omC % said &inda a'ashed, !to- it, a little sweat won"t &ill.

FineC Go sweat 'ut dont dieC

:om stom-s in the house and le5t us. % 5ace my 'oy5riend and whis-er to his ear,

0a'y, hel- me esca-e on the night o5

the reunion -arty. % want to go, mom won"t let me.

% am tal&ing a'out our school"s reunion -arty, there"ll 'e a reunion -arty tomorrow

to meet our old highschool 5riends


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which ha--ens to 'e my college 5riends as well though % did not really have the

chance to 6nish college 'ecause o5 my

sic&ness. #o one in my 5ormer class &nows a'out why % suddenly le5t school even

my teachers don"t have any idea, %

gave them no clue and did not contact them anymore. % was stuc& in the hos-ital

and did not have any chance to see

them anymore, % did not allow visits since % dont want anyone to &now a'out this

monster inside me. % miss them, % miss

my 5riends, % miss my teachers. % miss going to the -lace % once hated to go, % miss

going to school.

They all graduated without me and now there"s a reunion -arty. For the last time, %want to see them and set 5oot in my

'eloved alma mater.

!ure 'a'e, %"ll ta&e you with me tomorrow night.

:y 'oy5riend"s also going there since he"s also my classmate. 1e went to the same

school since elementary. Yes, we"ve

'een together 5or that long. =ren"t we that ine


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e loo&s distracted, %5 anything ha--ens to you, %"m gonna &ill you. !eriously

s-ea&ing here.

aha, is that su--ose to threaten me) 8ome on, let"s go now 'e5ore mom notices

us. as 5or the -lan o5 snea&ing out,

we"re gonna use my 'edroom window to esca-e. :y room"s on the second ;oor 'ut

it"s not that high so we tied Q &notted

@ long 'lan&ets together to get us some good slide down esca-e 5rom my room. %"m

surely gonna 'e scolded a5ter this

'ut who cares, getting scolded is something that dri5ts away 5ast 5rom our minds 'ut

the regrets will 'e hard to remove.

% -re5er to 'e scolded than to 5eel regrets in my heart.


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% 5eel so an


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Ohgosh, it"s reall youC You (ust dro--ed out o5 the school without a wordC

ey, % missed you girlC 1hat ha--ened)

ey, % thought you were a'ducted 'y the aliensC You (ust disa--eared one day andwe didnt have any news a'out you

a5terC

This is so good to 'e true, girl you don"t &now how much % missed youC % cried when

you did not show yoursel5 anymoreC

% was worriedC


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0ac& then, everyone in the class was as&ing the teachers and even the -rinci-al

a'out youC 1e wanted to &now what

ha--ened to you 'ut no one &new. That was so sadC

ey hey guys, calm down. % smiled at them, they were li&e in chaos shooting

words to me that % mysel5 can"t even

com-rehend anymore, %"m sorry a'out my sudden disa--earance. % &inda le5t

school 5or some -rivate reasons and ho-e

you guys would understand. % can"t tell you the reasons why 'ut hey the reason

doesnt matter anymore. =tleast %"m 'ac&

right) % missed you guys, instead o5 telling you something a'out me why don"t you

guys narrate something to me a'out

those days)

They recounted me everything o5 the old days they had. %t seems so 5un, % wish %

was there with them at those times. %

wish % was with them... % wish....

Please e


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Yeah. Just one more thing, accom-any me to our 5ormer adviser. % need to give him

something.

:r. Reyes, our 5ormer adviser in highschool almost had a hard time recogni>ing

who % was, 8an you -lease read this

to the class later)


32/87

% hand him a 5olded letter, 1hat"s this)

!omething im-ortant sir, it"s a message 5rom me to the class.

hh, why in a letter)

% -re5er writing it than saying it. This is a 5avor sir, last 5avor so % ho-e you wouldn"t

mind. =nd oh sir, -lease sign

something, % ta&e out the contract 5rom my small 'ag and also a -en.

!ign) 1hy)

%"m collecting signatures sir, some sort o5 memory collecting. 1ell, it"s not li&e % can

as& the whole class to sign it so as

the re-resentative sir -lease sign here. % showed him only the -art where he should

sign and the rest o5 the contract, %

had it 5olded so he won"t see what it"s a'out.

1ell, i5 that"s the case. he then signs on the contract and % waved him good'ye.

= letter to my teachers and to my classmates,

This is so ironic, % remem'er that once my english teacher as&ed the whole class to

write an essay with a certain theme

o5 1hat % want to ha--en 'e5ore dying, % &inda did not ta&e it seriously. % (ust wrote

there that % want to eat all the 5oods %

want to eat 'e5ore dying.


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0ut % am now rewriting that essay, this is now the real essay. % want to tell you guys

what % want to ha--en 'e5ore dying.

% won"t change my essay way 'ac& then, % still do want to eat all the 5oods % want to

eat 'e5ore dying 'ut % would want to

add some 5ew things.


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0e5ore dying, % want to get married HH o5 course, to my everloving 'oy5riend. % am a

ho-eless romantic, you &now that

guys.

0e5ore dying, % want to see my 5riends and have a nice chitchat with them. Playing

'ac& the nostalgias.

0e5ore dying, % want to say sorry to everyone % have hurt. % want to ma&e -eace with

my enemies. % want to 'e 5orgiven

with my sins.

0e5ore dying, % want to sing on a &arao&e 'ar which % have never done in my li5e

since %"m very shy with my singing

talent.

0e5ore dying, % want to go the cinema and watch a 6lm together with my whole

5amily.

0e5ore dying, % want to hug my 'rother and my sister and tell them to en(oy their

lives and ta&e care o5 themselves. =nd

to tell my little 'rother to ta&e care o5 my little sister as they grow u-, to tell him to

-rotect his little sister 5rom 'ad guys

who would want to 'rea& her heart.

0e5ore dying, % want to 'uy a seed and to ma&e a -lant grow.

0e5ore dying, % want to shout in the center o5 the city that % have lived li5e to the

5ullest.


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0e5ore dying, % want to -ray to God and than& im 5or everything.

0e5ore dying...

% don"t &now what to add anymore, % have lots in mind. =nd a lot more to come

may'e and i5 % enumerate everything, it"ll

ta&e tomorrow to 6nish this essay.

1ell, this letter is not really a'out me... it"s actually a'out you guys.

First o5 all, % would want to than& my teachers 5or everything. % want to than& you 5or

annoying, 'oring me out, con5using


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me, giving me headaches with those lessons to study. %"ll surely miss those times

that % -anic everytime there"s a sur-rise

Iui>. %"ll also miss the times that % get a low grade and you guys scold me 5or not

studying hard. Than&s teachers 5or your

&ind concern, % &now you were only strict to us 'ecause you want us to have a

'etter 5uture. You teachers are one o5 the

'est ty-e o5 -eo-le here in this world, you nourish us students to 'e a 'etter

-erson. You taught us not (ust something

there is on the 'oo&s 'ut also what there is in li5e. You are my second -arents, than&

you second moms and dads. % love

you, &ee- on giving a 'righter 5uture to your second sons and daughters.

Than& you also to my classmates, need % say more) You are a mi< o5 everything. =

total chaos that % en(oyed the most.

!ometimes we 6ght 5or some silly things li&e who did not clean on the cleaner"s

schedule, who was on the noisy list, who

stole the 'all-en, who"s such a teacher"s -et, who did not give his share with the

class 5und. =nd who would 5orget the

cons-iracies we had during Iui>>es, e


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them. % love you my dear classmates, % swear i5 %"d 'e given another chance % won"t

esca-e 5rom the cleaner"s schedule

anymore.

=nd % also want than& the (anitors who cleans the whole school and the guards who

won"t let us go out in class hours. %

did have the chance to tal& to them and 'ac& then, they told me stories a'out their

li5e or sometimes they (ust give me

silly &noc& &noc& (o&es. They"re also a -art o5 my li5e.

Everything in this school is everything to me.

% lived hal5 o5 my li5e here.

% once hated wa&ing u- early, going to school, studying and 'urning midnight oils

and wa&ing u- early again to go to

school.

% hated it and now, % want it all 'ac&. % want the old routine 'ac&.

%5 only % &new how sic& % would 'e in the 5uture, % should have a--reciated every

moments 'ac& then.


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Yes, % le5t school 'ecause % got sic&. =nd now, %"m dying. % don"t really have much

time with me anymore and may'e this

is my last good'ye to everyone in my second home, with my second 5amily.

Good'ye guys, %"ll miss you.

HRisa

% ste--ed out o5 the school, % le5t it.

!o you"re now on the third signature) my 'oy5riend as&s me as we head 'ac&

home.

Yeah, do you want to &now who"s ne


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everyday. !ometimes it crosses my mind a very trou'ling Iuestion, i5 % die will my

'oy5riend suer li&e how my grandma

suers 5or the lost o5 her dear hus'and) #ot (ust with my 'oy5riend 'ut also with my

entire 5amily, will mom continue

crying even a5ter % die) 1ill dad still 'e sad when %"m gone) 1ill they 'e a'le to

move on) Dying is not something that

-ains me, the thing that actually -ains me is the thought o5 leaving those who are

dear to me in anguish o5 my lost.


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% could still remem'er, grandma... % mum'le -icturing ;ash'ac&s in my mind, %t

was around B in the evening, summer

o5 my ?th year...

:essage sent. % mum'led a5ter sending my message to Deyl, my 'oy5riend which

'y that time was (ust a sim-le 5riend

to me and my 5eelings 5or him was still little and undiscovered. % waited 5or his

res-onse Q the other"s as well as % sat in

my grand-arent"s 'ench on their -orch. Our 5amily decided to s-end our summer

vacation in our grand-arent"s house

'ut 5or a teenager li&e me s-ending my summer in the oldies" house was very

'oring so % ended u- wasting my summer

with my 'eloved -hone te


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1hatever that is, the oldies don"t really remem'er techology terms at all, olding

it always and having your head

'owed down all the time. :y dear grandchild, you"re missing out one o5 the greatest

view in the world.

uh) 1hat"s the su--osed to mean)

e -ointed 5orward and % loo& to where he"s -ointing, That"s why % don"t li&e how

time changed our li5e, technologies

a--eared and we worshi--ed it too much that we came to the -oint o5 'owing our

heads to it. Technologies made us

less o5 an o'server, we don"t a--reciate the marvelous things around us anymore

'ecause we 'ow down our heads to

su-er6cial things.

% 5elt a sudden goose'um- as % watched the sun setting down to rise u- on the other

side o5 the world. % never had the


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chance to see a sunset ever in my li5e, that was the 6rst time. % than& gram-s 5or it,

i5 it wasn"t 5or him %"ll 'e 5orever

ignorant o5 the 'eauty o5 the sun waving good'ye. %t was 'reathta&ing, the sun

slowly going down as the red orange

color o5 the s&y con6rmed us that the day was already over.

True 'eauties are (ust in 5ront you, it"s (ust a matter o5 raising your head and -aying

attention. %5 you 'ow down your

head to su-er6cial things, you sure are missing out hal5 o5 the world. grand-a

6nished his sentence with a -u on his

cigarette.

There was nothing s-ecial that day on the -orch with gram-s 'ut % don"t &now why

it never le5t my mind. %t"s a -igment o5

my memory with gram-s. !ince then, watching the sunset 'ecame a ho''y to me.

1e went 'ac& home in the a5ternoon. ome means Grandma"s house. Yes, % went

here on my own, % rode the train. %

decided to -ay her a visit and also to as& her 5or her signature. The third signature

goes to her.

!o how"s your mom) she hands me my cu- o5 tea as she sits 'eside me on that

same -orch % sat with gram-s that

summer. This old rustic oa& 'ench is in dire need o5 re-lacing, the sla's crea& a 'it

when rested u-on.The thin 'oards

have grown withered and s-lintered. %t was white, now it"s almost grey. %ts color5aded as grand-a did and soon, %"ll 5ade

too.

:om is 6ne, her tummy"s growing 'ig. Doesn"t lac& a lot, % meant her tummy, her

tummy"s ready 5or delivery. % 5orgot to


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mention that she"s -regnant, 5or almost Kmonths. =nytime, she might give 'irth.

That"s why sometimes it worries me that

her de-ression a'out my illness may cause a -ro'lem with her -regnancy. % don"t

want something 'ad to ha--en to my

mom neither to my 'a'y sister, we"re already sure that"s its a 'a'y girl and mom

grant me the -rivilege to name her. %

haven"t told them yet what name % want 5or her 'ut % already have something in

mind.

Oh, % see. %"m e


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!ignature)

% e


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im and in the end, it"s not how long you lived 'ut its how short you regretted.

D"you remem'er what you told me,

grandma) You said that we all are God"s children. %"ve 'een thin&ing a'out it these

-ast 5ew wee&s, we all are God"s

children and the 1orld is (ust our -layground where God le5t us all to -lay and have

5un. 1e -lay with each other, have

5un, get hurt, hel- one another, eat when we get e


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% giggle, % haven"t grandma, %"m too la>y 5or that 'ut % thin& %"m one o5 those ty-e o5

-eo-le who gets to &now God when

on the verge o5 dying. % don"t &now why 'ut % never 5elt is -resence this close to

my heart, may'e 'ecause % need im)

% remove mysel5 5rom grandma"s hug to si- on my tea % -laced on my side on the

'ench, %"m not angry with God, % don"t

wanna argue with im, % don"t want to as& im why me o5 all -eo-le, why so sudden

and such Iuestions. =ctually, e

might seem to 'e cruel 5or ta&ing me on such a young age 'ut truth is, % thin& e"s

'een nice to me. e gave me the time

to live 'e5ore dying unli&e others who died without even a warning, those who died

on a car crash, une


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'rushing my hair that ma&es me 5eel so slee-y.

Then she whis-ers, 1hen you meet your grand-a, tell him that % miss him so much.

%ts so lonely when there"s no one

you can scold 5or their vices.

% giggle, 1ill do.

+++

H Ath Q ?th !ignatures

1e"re going to the >oo, aren"t you e


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to 'rush her hair as she (um-s nonsto-, % still managed to give her a neat -onytail

with a small red ri''on. er name"s

:ichelle 'ut we call her 8hill since it sounds cuter that way. !he"s my Byrs old little

sister, she"s clueless a'out my

illness. !he"s too young to understand it.

=ren"t you guys done yet) im-atient as always, my little 'rother whose not so

little anymore since he"s already K

a--ears on my room"s door.

8oming &uya ErosC 8hill (um-s 5rom the 'ed to run to his 'ig 'rother and -ulls him

'y the hand 'ut 'e5ore going she

turns to me and orders me e


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her tri--ed and she starts crying on the ;oor.

ey, are you o&) as soon as % reached her, % stood her u- and chec& her &nees and

el'ows 5or 'ruises and 5ound

none, You shouldn"t ran li&e that all o5 a sudden, you got me worried.

!he &ee-s on crying with her &nuc&les on her eyes, she must"ve 'een hurt 5rom that

5all. % try removing her hands away

5rom her 5ace and wi-e her tears with my hand&erchie5, #ow, now, don"t cry.

Everything"s gonna 'e alright, the -ain will

'e gone i5 you sto- crying. 8"mon 8hill, ate Risa"s gonna 'uy you some cotton candy

and a 'alloon too.

!he sto-s 5rom crying and her smile widens, Really) % want the 'lue oneC


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%"ll 'uy you the 'alloon you -re5er, c"mon, % -ull her 'y the hand as we head to the

'alloon vendor.

The 'eauty o5 'eing a &id is when you 5all to the ground and get yoursel5 hurt, there

would always 'e someone to -ull

you u- and will tell you that everything"s going to 'e alright and the -ain will 5ade.

=nd when your a &id, sim-le things li&e

cotton candies and 'alloons can cheer you u- already. #othing"s really 'etter than

'eing a sim-le minded &id.

Thing is, when % was little % never a--reciated what 'eauty % was e


52/87

Than& you 8hill, remem'er when % told you that %"m going to a 5ar away land) she

nods to tell me that she remem'ers,

1ell, ate Risa"s a'out to go and % want some remem'rance 5rom you.

You"re going already) %5 you want a remem'rance, %"ll give you my teddy.

% -at her head, %n the -lace %"m going, % can"t 'ring anything with me and that

means no teddies too.

1ell, you cant 'ring that -a-er too) she meant the contract she (ust signed.

!sh, %"ll snea& it in with me.

1hat a'out the teddy) 8ant you snea& it in, too)

The -a-er"s small so its not that visi'le 'ut the teddy"s 'ig so its gonna 'e too

o'vious.

=5ter some time, Eros went 'ac& with sodas in hand and a 'uc&et o5 -o-corns. 1e

ate and rested 5or awhile and a5ter


53/87

that, we continue with this >oo tour.

1e head 'ac& home at around B-m and 8hill is surely tired as she got &noc&ed out

as soon as we got on the 'us. :om

-re-ared us dinner 'ut % 'rought 8hill 6rst to my room and lay her to my 'ed. %

cover her with my 'lan&et and watch her

slee-ing 5ace, 1hen % leave, my room will 'e yours so ta&e good care o5 it o&ay)

=lways ma&e sure that you tidy u-

your room, 5old your 'lan&ets well every morning. =nd when you grow u-, you can

use my clothes. % ho-e we have the

same 5ashion taste.

% remove my heart nec&lace that mom gave me when % was little, %"ve 'een wearing

this nec&lace 5or more than ?years

and now %"m giving it to 8hill. % -ut it on her nec& as she slee-s, % &iss her on the

5orehead and my tears start running

down Q dro--ing to her chu''y chee&s, =te Risa loves you, remem'er that always

8hill.

=t dinner, we (ust told mom Q dad how energetic 8hill was and 5or e


54/87

so distant. e used to 'e a cheer5ul -erson then he changed into someone who

always wear a 5rown on his 5ace, then

there will 'e times that he"ll go 'ac& home with wounds on his 5ace and there was

even a time wherein the -olice came

to our house to arrest him 5or almost &illing someone 'ut luc&ily he got 'ailed out

since he"s still a minor. e also ;un&ed

school 5or a'out 4 times. % don"t &now what got into him, we Iuestion i5 its 'ecause

o5 his -eer or he"s (ust undergoing

adolescenthood"s re'el genes. 1ho &nows, 'ut Eros gonna 'e Eros he"s still sweet

when it comes to us, his sisters.

Yeah, the >oo was 'oring 'ut that"s the last time %"ll 'e ta&ing out my 'ig sisterout on a date, right)

% cling to his arm and lay my head on his shoulder, You"re the sweetest 'rother.

Please ta&e care o5 your sisters, don"t let

them get hurt. 1hen 8hill grows u-, % &now she"s going to 'e a 'eauti5ul girl and

guys gonna go cra>y over her and then

she"ll 5all inlove 'ut ma&e sure to 'rea& the 5ace o5 the guy who will 'rea& her

heart.

Then % -aused and laugh, #ah, %"m (ust &idding. Don"t 'rea& his 5ace, % don"t want

you to hurt any'ody anymore. 8an

you do this 5avor 5or me, Eros... sto- 6ghting and sto- 'eing a re'el)


55/87

% did not receive a res-onse, he (ust watch the starry s&y in silence li&e there is

something written on the s&y then a5ter a

moment he s-ea&s to me, O&ay, %"ll store'elling 'ut % won"t sto- 6ghting. You

&now what sis, 6ghting is not 'ad as long

as you &now that what you"re 6ghting 5or is something that you &now is worth it and

right. =nd you are the 'est 6ghter %"ve

ever &nown in my li5e, sis. You"re stronger than me.

% saw a tear 5ell on his eyes 'ut he wi-es it in haste may'e 'ecause he doesn"t want

me to see him crying, he"s

em'arrassed. e cough to clear his voice that seems to croa& anytime, You"re the

strongest -erson %"ve ever met, you"re

6ghting "til the end. !ince the day you &new a'out your sic&ness, % never saw you

giving u- not even 5or a second. %5 %

were in your -osition, % might not 'e a'le to reach the -oint you"ve already

reached. Death did not scare you, it"s already

in 5ront o5 you 'ut still you can smile. There"s really nothing to do a'out it, huh)

Death, death, death. 1hat"s the 'ig deal a'out it) % smile to him, Death nor anysic&ness can control your li5e, they

would enter in your li5e 'ut you should never succum' yoursel5 to them. ey Eros,

%"d li&e to as& you to sign

something...

% show him the contract 'ut did not e


56/87

Yeah, -romise me not to change your -hone"s wall-a-er until you 5ound the girl

you"re sure you"ll love 5or the rest o5

your li5e. =nd everytime you"re thin&ing o5 hurting that girl, (ust loo& at that -icture

'ecause everytime you hurt a girl, you"ll

'e hurting your sister too.

%"ll surely miss you, ate Risa. he hugs me as he cries li&e he used to when we

we"re little. Peo-le grow u- 'ut there

will always 'e a -art o5 us that will remain.

? !ignatures to go and %"m almost through.

+++

Bth Q th !ignature

O&ay, en(oy your day. 0ye 8hillC


57/87

0ye mom, 'ye ate RisaC my little sister waves her hand and turns immediately to

go to her classroom to -lay with her

classmates.

=5ter mom and % had accom-anied 8hill to her school, we went to the hos-ital to

have my chec& u-. % don"t really want to

go 'ut mom"s very insistent.

% really recommend to con6ne her here in the hos-ital. %t"ll 'e much 'etter, atleast

we"ll 'e a'le to control her conditions.

% don"t want toC %"ll never loc& mysel5 in this 'uildingC % detest it when they try

-ursuing me to (ail me here. % don"t want to

stay in the hos-ital no matter how sic& % 5eel. % don"t want to die hel-less in one o5

those white rooms, that"s -atheticC

Risa, % 5elt mom"s hands cu--ed mine, 8an you give it a second thought)

Yeah, give it a second thought. Your condition has gotten worse than 'e5ore and i5

we don"t get to control it regularly,

who &nows what will ha--en)

E


58/87

That was very rude o5 you, Risa. mom starts to scold me as soon as we get in the

car, 1hy did yHHH

:om, % can"t ta&e it anymore, % lay my head on her shoulder and started crying,

1hy too early)

% might 'e trying to act tough and &e-t on saying that dying is normal that % have

nothing to 5rea& out. Even i5 %"m trying to

act normal, even i5 %"m trying to 'oost mysel5 u-, even i5 % seem to have acce-ted

everything... Dee- inside me, there"s a

-art that"s colla-sing one 'y one.

% hate mysel5 right now, a5ter all the eorts o5 showing you guys that %"m 6ne, that

there"s nothing to worry a'out here %

am crying li&e some stu-id des-erate -erson. % was 5ull o5 ho-e 'ut all o5 a sudden, %

5elt a an une


59/87

Every strong -erson has their time o5 de5eat and you Risa, you are a strong -erson

who is in your time o5 de5eat. 2earn

to acce-t that not everytime you can 5eel so strong, there will always 'e those

times that you"ll 5eel li&e giving u- 'ut hey,

everyone has their own moments o5 giving u- so you shouldnt de-ress yoursel5 li&e

that. %, mysel5, 5elt li&e giving u- 5or a

lot o5 times. !ince the day % &new your illness, % never sto--ed 5rom crying and you

&now that, you have witnessed how

many tears % have shed 5or you. 0ut you &now what"s the reason why % can still

ma&e it through the day) Do you &now

who can still ma&e me smile even a5ter all those tears) %t"s the same -erson who

made me cry, its you. You are my

ins-iration, you are the reason why % can still ma&e it through the day no matter

how much sadness %"m 5eeling. You &now

why) %t"s 'ecause % never saw you cry 5or your condition, it was always me who cry

5or you and to 'e honest, % 5eel &ind

o5 glad to see you 6nally cry 'ecause it was always you to com5ort me and now it"s

my turn to com5ort you. You can

always cry whenever you 5eel, Risa. %"m here 5or you, %"ll try my 'est to 'e a great

mom.

#o one is strong alone, everyone has their moment o5 5alling and there will always

'e someone to stand you u-. Don"t

'e a5raid to 5eel such emotions, you are not alone.

% listened to each and every word she said and % 5elt li&e crying harder than 'e5ore,

% don"t 5eel li&e going yet. %"m not yet

ready.

#o one is, 'ut you can always as& God to e


60/87

% (ust closed my eyes and cried nonsto-. #o matter how % try to sto- the tears 5rom

5alling, they (ust &ee- on ;owing.

Oh God, -lease don"t ta&e me yet. Just a little more time, % 'eg you.

=5ter that small tal& with mom in the car, we decided not to waste time on dramas

and we head to the mall 5or some

sho--ing slash 'onding time. %t has 'een a long time since % last went sho--ing with

mom, % usually hang out with my

5riends so % don"t really have much o5 that so called 5amily 'onding.

1e ate lunch at a 5ancy restaurant inside the mall, chec&ed on the shoes and 'ags

at some 5avorite 'outiIue sho-s, did

some groceries and most o5 all, we 'ought some maternal stu.

1hich cri' do you thin& is the cutest) she"s as&ing me 'etween identical cri's that

is only dierentiated with their


61/87

colors, 'lue and red. % chose the 'lue one since it"s my 5avorite color. 1e (ust as&ed

the sho- to have the stu we 'ought

delivered to our house.

1e roam around the sho- 5or a little 'it more and as we wal& around, a -air o5 soc&s

caught my attention. % -ull my mom

to the -art o5 the 'a'y soc&s, :om, can % -ic& her 6rst -air o5 soc&s)

!ure, go ahead.

% rummage at the -ile o5 soc&s, % 5eel so giddy with all these tiny soc&s. They"re

tinier than my -alm and that"ll 'e the

length o5 my 5uture 'a'y sister"s 5eet. ow cuteC =5ter some time, % decided to get

the sim-liest white soc&s 5or my 5uture

'a'y sister, :om, % want that this -air o5 soc&s will 'e the 6rst -air she"ll wear. %t

will 'e sort o5 a remem'rance 5rom me

to her so % ho-e she"ll &ee- it even a5ter she grows u-. % want her to &now that she

has a 'ig sister 'esides 8hill that gave

her these soc&s, % hand it to her and decided to -ic& out a -iece o5 -a-er and also a

-en in my -oc&et, =nd mom... can

you -lease sign this)

1hat is this) she was a'out to un5old it 'ut % sto--ed her.

:om, -lease (ust sign it without loo&ing. % -leaded and with that, she agreed to

sign it without arguments.

=5ter she signed it and gave it 'ac& to me, we are a'out to go to the cashier when

she suddenly gra''ed me 'y the arm


62/87

as she held her tummy with her other hand, 1ait RHrisa... =HaaahCCC

:Hmom) 1hat"s going on) % start to -anic as % realise that may'e she"s a'out to

deliver the 'a'y.

Risa, 'H'ring me to the nearest hos-italC uic&C

% was right, it"s time already. % hurriedly as& hel- to the sta o5 the store de-artment

and they &indly lend us a hand to

'ring mom to the nearest hos-ital.


63/87

!he"s 'eauti5ul, isn"t she) my dad who"s 'eside me as&ed as we watch my 'a'y

sister 5rom the window glass. !he"s

(ust some hours old, she"s so little and so 5ragile. !he"s li&e an angel on a heavenly

slum'er.

Yeah, % re-lied still enchanted with my sister"s slee-ing 5ace.

% got distracted when % heard my 5ather chuc&led, 1hat is it dad)

#othing, % (ust remem'ered the day you were 'orn.

% (ust got home 5rom wor& when your mom 5elt that you"re a'out to get out o5 her

tummy so % had had to drive her in rush

to the hos-ital. %t was cra>y, dad narrates with 5ull nostalgia, as i5 he has the -ast

rolling in 5ront o5 him. Dad has this

smile on his 5ace that % don"t usually see 'ecause my dad is a serious and a 'usy

man who always has his 5ace either

covered with a news-a-er or some sort o5 documents, Funny thing is, % was really

in need o5 the com5ort room that time.

% have eaten something rotten % thin&, it was also an emergency case 5or my tummy

that time. 0ut it was a tragedy 5or me

'ecause % 'adly needed to ta&e it out 5rom my tummy and so does your mom that

needed to ta&e you out 5rom hers. 0ut

o5 course, % managed to 'ring her on the hos-ital sa5e and sound and have ta&en

care o5 my own tummy a5terwards. 0ut

the thing % have not managed is seeing you getting out o5 her and hearing yourmom screaming and when it was done

and % heard your cry, % actually 5elt a great relie5 and colla-sed then and there. The

ne


64/87

her arms with a smile on her 5ace. %t was the cra>iest and at the same time,

ha--iest moment o5 my li5e. That was the

day % 6nally 'ecame a dad.

% don"t really hug my dad and he doesn"t as well, 'ut sometimes em'arrassment

goes second when the love you 5eel is

stronger. 1ho &nows i5 this would 'e the last time 'ut % would surely miss this tall

man who always wor& hard to 'uy us

our morning cereals.

=nd i5 mom owns the Bth signature, dad has the th.

% could have named her o-e or :iracle since she"s the li5e that would su'stitute

mine.


65/87


66/87

% can hear 5ootste-s 5rom the outside 'rea&ing the silence around, suddenly % heard

a cry o5 a child as well. On second

thought there wasn"t any silence in the 6rst -lace, i5 % listen more care5ully, the

outside is actually noisy. =side 5rom the

5ootste-s that go 'ac& and 5orth and the cry o5 a child, % can also hear some -eo-le

coughing and uttering unintelligi'le

words and there are also -hones 'ee-ing and ringing one a5ter another.

1hy am % here) % loo& at him straight in the eyes somewhat accusing. Funny, % am

in a -lace % said % would never stay

even i5 % die HHH the hos-ital. %rritating as %"ve always thought, the dra' white colour

o5 the hos-ital walls never 5ail to throw

a 'uc&et o5 cold water over my s-irit. %nstead o5 5eeling well, % 5eel li&e having

nausea anytime due to that un-leasent

smell stereoty-e hos-itals have HHH is it 5rom some &ind o5 medication, or is it 5rom

all that 'leach)


67/87

1e didn"t really want to ta&e you here without your concern 'ut @days ago, you

(ust colla-sed a5ter vomiting 'lood and

a5ter several trials o5 wa&ing you u-, 'ut to no avail, we started to -anic. % called my

dad to chec& on you and he said,

you need -ro-er medication that could only 'e given in the hos-ital and that

e


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ow 'ad is it) % as&ed him while he closes the window, he turns around not

understanding my Iuestion.

ow 'ad is what)

You &now, % smile at him, encouraging him to tell me, :y condition.

Oh, he turns his 'ac& to me this time may'e loo&ing outside 5rom the window,

Fine. Yeah, you"re 6ne.

% laugh wea&ly, sounding almost 5orced and stu-id. % &new it, when he says 6ne... it"snot. That"s the most com-rehensi'le

lie when someone"s sic&, You thin& %"m going to 'uy that) Tell me the truth.

Truth) he re-eats the last word % said, turns to me and loo& at me straight in the

eyes. e -aused 5or a while adding an

un-leasant tension in the room, % -leaded silently loo&ing in his uncertain eyes.

=5ter a while, glistening tears 5orm in his

eyes and hover 5or a moment 'e5ore they 5ell wetly u-on his chee&. is tear

e


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saying anything.

% understand.

% understand, % understand, % understand.

1hy are we even worrying 5or the worst, haven"t we 'een there a lot o5 times) From

the moment % got sic&, there was

never any ho-e 'ut only miracles to save me... 0ut what does miracle really means)

Risa, his voice seemed caught in his throat as he struggles to 5orm the words, %"m

sorry, %"m really sorry.

% call the name o5 this guy in 5ront o5 me crying li&e a mere child lost in the city,

e


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'edsheet, how -ain5ul could it 'e 5or the -eo-le that cares 5or me to see the

'edsheet 'eing removed in this 'ed) !im-le

changing o5 'edsheet can mean nothing to a lot 'ut in this world, in this moment,

out o5 'illion might 'e crying

'ecause as he says good'ye to a 'edsheet he says good'ye to someone too.

1hen my 'oy5riend calmed down, % decided to as& him, Did you 'ring my contract

with you)

0ecause % did not e


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Do me a 5avor. =5ter your today"s visit, 'e5ore heading home can you -lease -ass

'y my house and get the contract in

the drawer ne


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+++

Nth Q th !ignatures

7F%#=2 PO!T9

Feels li&e %"m a'out to detach mysel5 5rom this world.

%t"s -ast midnight and lights must 'e turned o already. % should 'e slee-ing at this

moment o5 time 'ut % (ust can"t slee-,

there"s too much silence that % can"t concentrate on slee-ing. =nd another thing,

once % close my eyes thoughts start to

cloud my head and it"s very irritating 5or me. :y thoughts won"t (ust leave me alone.

% want to esca-e.

% want to 6nd the Nth signature owner already so %"ll 'e done with this contract since

the th signature owner is not very


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hard 5or me to 6nd.

0e5ore everything else, % reach my -hone on my sideta'le and % turn on the lights

o5 my room.

% com' my hair with my 6ngers as % turn on the camera o5 my -hone and switch it to

video mode.

O&ay, it"s ready, % say as % hold the -hone to me and 'rush some loose strands o5

hair away 5rom my 5ace and -lace it

to the 'ac& o5 my ear, HhiC

% laugh a5terwards 5or stuttering while saying a sim-le greeting, it"s as i5 %"m on the

center o5 a stage with a 'ig crowd

when reality is %"m (ust alone here tal&ing with my -hone and no one sees me. % 5eel

nervous nonetheless.

hmm... :y name is Risa :agdayo. :y e


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'ecause he"s ado-ted so % wish he"d sto- treating his sel5 as i5 he"s not a -art o5 the

5amily. % wish he won"t 5eel lonely

anymore, % &now it"s hard 5or him to have not met his real -arents 'ut % ho-e that

someday he"ll realise that we"re here

always 5or him and we DO love him. !o Eros i5 chances will lead you to this video,

listen to me... -lease don"t 'e hard on

yoursel5) #o one is -ushing you away so stay with us, stay with the 5amily and sto-

re'elling.

To my Byears old little sister 8hill :agdayo, hi there 8hillC % don"t &now what age

you"ll have when you"ll actually

understand this video 'ut no matter what, -lease remem'er that =te Risa loves youmore than your teddy 'ears can love

you o&ay) Ohyeah, %"m a'out to head to the 5ar 5ar away land 8hill so -lease ta&e

care o5 my clothes, my accessories,

my ma&e u-s, my shoes, my 'ags and all my things. %"ll 'e leaving them to you and

you can have them all so ta&e good

care o5 them. =nd also, ta&e good care o5 our 'a'y sister a--y. You"re now the

=te, the 'igger sister. You"re

res-onsi'le to teach her how to dress -ro-erly, to 'rush her hair and tie it u- li&e %always do to your hair and you must

teach her how to tie her shoelaces as well, o&ay) % wish % could 'e there to see you

'oth grow into lovely ladies and have

your handsome 'oy5riends escorting you to -roms and such, % wi-e a tear that

esca-ed 5rom my eye and continue,

!-ea&ing o5 handsome 'oy5riend...


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% try to smile and 5orce out an energetic tone, ey you 'oy5riend o5 mineC %"m -retty

right) #o, %"m 'eauti5ul. % 'elieve % am

'ecause you said so yoursel5. #o matter how -ale, thin and 5rail loo&ing % am now

'ecause o5 my illness still you continue

to tell me %"ve grown much more 'eauti5ul. Than& you, than& you 5or showing me

that %"ve loved and chosen the right

-erson. % really wish % can marry you and have &ids 'ut let"s move on, that won"t

ha--en to me 'ut that might ha--en to

you to another someone so search 5or the right girl. % love you.

1ith tears 5alling down 5rom my eyes, % -lace the -hone near my 5ace and &issed

the camera then move it away again so

%"ll 'e a'le to ca-ture my now ugly crying 5ace, For those % love and 5or those who

love me and will continue to love me

even i5 %"m gone, than& you and ta&e care o5 yoursel5 guys. % might have lived short

'ut % am grate5ul %"ve not wasted a

second o5 it. % will miss you guys, % love you.

% sto- the recording o5 the camera and save it to a s-eci6c video 5older then le5t it

on my 'ed as % -ut my (ac&et and

sli--ers on. %"ve already -lanned to esca-e the hos-ital through my room"s window

with my 'edsheet and 'lan&et tied u-

together, %"m not really on a high ;oor actually %"m (ust on the second ;oor so my

'edsheet and 'lan&et are long enough

5or me to the touch the ground sa5ely.

1here am % going)


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To where my 5eet drag me, to a -lace called somewhere.

=ctually my -lan is to 6nd the Nth signature owner 'e5ore my 'ody 'etrays me, %

don"t really 5eel strong enough to wal&

-ro-erly anymore. % (ust as& 5or the hel- o5 the walls to su--ort me 5rom wal&ing or

rather staggering.

% &now it"s hard 5or me to see -eo-le in a time li&e this, it"s already dar& and -eo-le

are already slee-ing 'ut a -lace

called eleven caught my eyes then a smile 5orms into my li-s. = convenient store

o-en 4Ahours, (ust the right -lace 5or

me to 6nd the Nth signature owner.

:ust 'e wondering who the owner is o5 the Nth signature) 1ell, the s-ace is

actually reserved 5or a stranger, yes the

owner is a stranger... a someone or anyone. % don"t &now why 'ut % guess % want to

meet someone %"ve never met 'e5ore

dying and 'argain my memory with him or her as well with God.

=s % enter the convenient store the security guard loo&s at me in a weird dou't5ul

way, may'e he"s wondering why %"m on

sli--ers. % (ust ignore him and continue to wal& and went to the cashier girl to 'uy

my 5avorite chocolate hershey 'ar,

luc&ily % have some money with me in my (ac&et"s -oc&et. % am not allowed to eat

chocolates 'ut who cares, % 'adly want

to eat it even 5or the last time.


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=5ter 'uying my chocolate 'ar, % went to eat my chocolate on the same ta'le where

a guy eats a 'urger at a time li&e this

and has a co&e in can on the ta'le. e loo&s at me as i5 Iuestioning me why o5 all

the vacant ta'les there are in the store

am % sharing on the same ta'le.


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i, % smile at him a5ter ta&ing a 'ite o5 my chocolate 'ar.

hh... hello, he says aw&wardly. e loo&s li&e the ty-e who doesn"t trust strangers.

Don"t 'e a5raid o5 me, %"m not someone who has an attention to steal something

5rom you or to do you 'ad things so

rela< and tal& with me. 2oo&, %"m so 5rail loo&ing 'ecause %"m sic& and % (ust esca-ed

5rom the hos-ital. % (ust 'adly want to

tal& to someone so % ho-e you wouldn"t mind...

e o'serves me 5or a while and nods a5terwards, O&ay, we can tal& 'ut that"s all.

Than& you, % smile at him and start a conversation. e told me his name is Jason,he"s a college student. % as&ed him

why he"s eating in a convenient store at a time li&e this and he re-lied that he (ust

6nished 5rom his -art time (o' which

ha--ens to 'e in a host clu'. % was a little 'it ta&en a'ac& when % heard that 'ut it

didn"t matter anyway 5or me 'ecause

so what i5 that is his (o', right) e told me he needs money to continue his studies

'ecause he has no -arents anymore

to su--ort him. e"s really nice 'ecause he o-en u- his sel5 to me even at 6rst he

was very dou't5ul o5 me. % learned a

lot o5 things a'out him and vice versa. 1e en(oyed chatting with each other and

he"s sorry that % am dying 'ut % told him

that there"s nothing to 'e sorry a'out.

% as& him to sign the contract since %"ve already told him a'out it. e li&ed the idea

and he told me that may'e when he"s

a'out to die too he might do the same thing 'ecause may'e it might actually wor&

'ut then he too& 'ac& what he said

and told me that it won"t wor& 5or him 'ecause he &nows heaven is not his

destination 5or heaven doesn"t acce-t -eo-le


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li&e him who wor&s 5or clu' to entertain -eo-le with 'ody.

% -at him on his shoulder and said, For the 6rst meeting, % have to tell you that %don"t see you as a 'ad -erson. You still

have a long li5e so chances 5or you are still 'ig so don"t lose ho-e.

Yeah, may'e. he scratches the 'ac& o5 his head unconvinced with what % said, !o

who owns the last signature)

0e5ore % could even say it, % heard a shout and a random guy with the 5ace covered

and a gun in hand 'arges in that

causes 5ear to all o5 us in the convenient store. The shout came 5rom the cashier girl

who saw how the random guy hit

the security guard that got him out o5 commission.

!hut your mouths or you"ll dieC he shouts and threatens us, there is only me,

Jason, the unconscious guard, and the

cashier girl there. The random guy loo&s at me and Jason and orders us, 8ome

close here or %"ll shoot you 'othC

1e 5ollow him and went near the cashier then he -oints the gun to us, Give me all

your moneysC =nd you, ta&e out all

whats there in the cashierC uic& or %"ll 'last your headC


80/87


81/87

=ren"t you 'eing too harsh with your words)

Risa, no... Jason tries to sto- me when % ste- 5orward to the random guy 'ut %

ignore him.

!te- 'ac&, don"t come near me or %"ll shoot you.

!hoot me, % said as % ste- near him, Go ahead. % am not a5raid to die, %"m gonna

die anyway 5rom my illness so what

5ear should % have i5 you shoot me)

e got startled and to me, he seems to have more 5ear with him than with us, You

don"t really want to do this, don"t

you)

This, may'e, is your 6rst time to hold u- a store) % smile at him, You don"t seem

to 'e a 'ad guy.

1hat the 5+++ are you sayingC !hut u-C !hut u-C %"ll shoot you % swearC he said with

hands trem'ling.

% reach him and hold the u--er -art o5 the gun, Don"t do this, you will only ruin not

only the lives o5 the -eo-le here 'ut

also your li5e.


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ow should you &nowC %"m not ruining my li5e here, %"m saving a li5e so give me

your money and %"ll scram right away and

we"re all good with thatC he shouts at me terri6ed and angry.

1hat do you need the money 5or)

The hec& you careCCC !T PC Please shut u-C he loo&s li&e he wants to shoot me

'ut he doesn"t have the guts

'ecause surely he doesn"t have any intention to &ill anyone, he (ust needs themoney.

8alm down, shhh. % want him to sto- this, Tell me why you need the money, %

might 'e a'le to hel- you...

e then out o5 5rustration tells me something, :y mom... my mom, she needs to

have her heart o-erated 'ut... 'ut the

5++ &ing doctors are as&ing me an amount % don"t &now where to getC Do you get

me)C !o (ust give me the da mn money

and let"s get this thing done 'e5ore a co- comesC

e loo&s des-erate, % &new it he needs the money 5or a reason... it"s 5or his mom.


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0ut you could not 'e as un5air as you can 'e, don"t ta&e away the money o5 others

5or your own reasons. 1hat i5 the


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cashier girl, % -oint to the girl in the cashier who is shivering in 5ear, 1hat i5 she

also have 6nancial -ro'lems and i5 you

ta&e all the money in the cashier she might lose her (o' or she won"t have enough

salary in the end o5 the month)

=nd you see this guy, % -oint to Jason, e"s here 'ecause he"s eating his dinner.

=--arently he (ust 6nished his -art

time (o' in a host clu'. e wor&s at night and goes to school at day. e wor&s 5or his

tuition and here you go stealing

what he (ust earned 5or this night) Don"t you thin& you"re 'eing un5air) 1e all have

6nancial -ro'lems 'ut this is not the

solution 5or it, % assure you that this is not a solution so -lease give u- the gun andsto- this.

#OC % DO#"T 8=RE 1=T YO !=YC #OC % DO#"T 1=#T TO 2%!TE#C !T P P2E=!E,

!T PC

Your mom will not 'e ha--y to hear you ro''ing a store in order to get money,

!T PCCC %"22 !OOT YO %F YO DO#T !T YOR :OTC !T P P2E=!E

!T PC

Your mom will never 'e ha--y... she wouldn"t want her son to end u- as a

criminal... don"t do this...

% TO2D YO TO !T PCCC

=nd that"s it, a loud 'ang echoed in the store and % 5elt something that hit against

my tummy.


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#o, noC 1hat have % doneC the gun 5ell 5rom his hands as % 5ell on the ground, % can

still hear him cry as he regrets

-ulling the trigger, % told you to shut u-... you didn"t listen. #o, what have % done...

what have % done...

e re-eats those words with so's accom-anying it.

Risa, RisaC % hear Jason calling 5or me re-eatedly 'ut its seems li&e the volume is

decreasing and %"m hearing his call

vaguely. % can 5eel 'lood in my hands as % hold my tummy, % should 5eel -ain 'ut

instead % 5eel nothing...

0e5ore its too late, % ta&e out the contract and as well as the -en 5rom my -oc&et

and with sha&ing hands % try to sign it,

the contract is already smeared 'y my 'lood 'ut % don"t mind. % have to sign the

th signature 'ecause my visions are


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starting to 'lurr and %"m already vomiting 'lood.

Yes, % am the th signature owner o5 my own contract. % want to 'argain mysel5with God, % don"t want to 5orget what %

have 'een in this world when % was still living. Practically, % am 'argaining

everything to God and % don"t even &now i5

e"ll agree with this 'ut they say there"s no harm in trying.

% don"t even &now what awaits me a5ter dying...

% don"t even &now i5 e"s true... or e does e


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H F%#

=/#$ There is a story a'out Risa"s ado-ted 'rother XEros :agdayo entitled X!E

D%ED

written in Taglish. That story will 'e -osted January 44 so % ho-e you guys will

su--ort it

and try to read it too. 2ovelots. U@

Date post:	01-Jun-2018
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