Chapter Four

Mariam’s Ethical Redemption of Trauma in A Thousand Splendid Suns

Similar to previous Chapter, this chapter also discusses about the trauma suffered by

central character Mariam and her ethical redemption in Khaled Hosseini’s narrative A

Thousand Splendid Suns. The central character suffers from trauma due to her ghastly past

only after years of suffering she is able to redeem herself. By appealing to ethic she is able to

move on from her past and come in terms with it. Mariam suffers trauma due to physical and

mental violence committed upon her in her childhood and adult life. Hosseini has done

justice while portraying Mariam as the trauma victim. Mariam is the central character of the

novel A Thousand Splendid Suns and throughout the novel she develops and changes.

Mariam, is a vulnerable Afghan woman, nonetheless, she is able to powerfully influence

lives of others through her actions. A Thousand Splendid Suns is chronicle of Mariam’s life

and of those who are affected by her actions.

Mariam, one of the two female protagonists, is an ethnic Tajik born in Herat, an

illegitimate child of Jalil, a rich business man and Nana, his former housekeeper. Birth of

Mariam was the result of an extra-marital affair her mother had with Jalil. Because of the

circumstances of her birth, Mariam suffers with shame and humiliation throughout her life.

Shame and humiliation has been identified as manifestation of trauma by Neil Smelser in his

work ‘Psychological and Cultural Trauma.’ In addition, citing Freud, he also puts forth that

childhood traumas are more damaging and traumatic than other. In the very opening of the

novel Nana, Mariam’s mother refers to Mariam as a “harami” (bastard or illegitimate child),

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she shouts, “You are a clumsy little harami. This is my reward for everything I’ve endured.

An heirloom-breaking, clumsy little harami.” (4) The use of term “harami” gives insight on

her upbringing as humiliated and apprehensive illegitimate child. Nana’s distaste for her life

also effects on Mariam upbringing. Time and again Nana points her about harsh reality of

her position and Jalil’s indifference towards them, “Nana always gave a slow, burdened

smile here, one of lingering recrimination or reluctant forgiveness, Mariam could never tell.

It did not occur to young Mariam to ponder the unfairness of apologizing for the manner of

her own birth.” (11) Mariam lives with harsh realism of her mother and fanciful idyllic

illusion portrayed by her father. She is divided between these two versions and becomes very

insecure and unsure of herself and her thoughts. Nana constant reminder of her place in

society as a bastard child also makes Mariam very dependent on other people’s opinions,

“It’s our lot in life, Mariam. Women like us. We endure. It’s all we have. Do you

understand? Besides, they’ll laugh at you in school. They will. They’ll call you harami.

They’ll say the most terrible things about you. I won’t have it.” (18) Past horrific experiences

remain with Mariam like ugly scar and when these experiences come alive through memories

they make Mariam to relive those moments. Especially, negative emotions are felt more

intensely than positive ones. All her life Mariam is traumatized because of her being

illegitimate and she shudders even by mentioning of word harami.

Furthermore, when Mariam visits Jalil’s house, he is burdened by her presence. His

indifference, once again makes Mariam humiliated and Jalil legitimacy as a father is called

into question. Jalil views his second family (Nana and Mariam) as a shame. One has to

know pride to feel humiliation, justice to feel injustice. Mariam’s pride and trust upon her

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father that he will behave equally to both his legitimate and illegitimate children is shattered

when Jalil demonstrates shame regarding Mariam. This breaking of illusion makes Mariam

humiliated. She feels humiliated and betrayed because she worshipped her father and always

had unwavering faith on her father. Mariam asks he father, “I thought about you all the time.

I used to pray that you’d live to be a hundred years old. I didn’t know. I didn’t know that you

were ashamed of me (54).” Mental injuries such as humiliation or insults affect last for a

long time. Though, the physical pain of humiliation may subside but the mental torture of

reliving it over and over again through memories always remains with victim. Hence,

remembering humiliation is equally humiliating as being humiliated. Margalit writes, “The

wounds of insults and humiliation keep bleeding long after the painful physical injuries have

crusted over (120).”

Mariam is unable to separate herself from constant thought of being unwanted and

illegitimate. This occupancy with her illegitimacy makes her relive her humiliation again and

again. The feeling of inferiority that arises from shame of being a bastard also shapes her

view about herself as an undeserving person. Mariam remembers her mother words, “As a

reminder of how women like us suffer, she’d said. How quietly we endure all that falls upon

us (90).”

In this regard Margalit writes,

Humiliation, I believe, is not just another experience in our life, like, say, an

embarrassment. It is a formative experience. It forms the way we view ourselves

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as humiliated persons –very much the way a serious failure in a project that

matters to us greatly brings us to view ourselves as failures.

Humiliation, in the strong sense, in being a fundamental assault on us as human

beings, becomes constitutive of one sense of who we are. (130)

The injuries that Mariam suffers in her initial stage of life are more psychological

than physical which manifest full fledgedly in her adult life. She suffers from multiple

injuries from rejection of her father to her mother’s suicide in her a very tender age.

Mariam’s trip to Herat, ultimately culminates into her mother’s suicide, instigating life of

torture and sufferings for Mariam. When Mariam attempts to reach to her father but she

realizes that he considers her as an outsider. When she arrives at Jalil’s house she is crushed

as she is denied entrance inside his home and forced to return to Nana. However, when

Mariam arrives back at the Kolba, she finds her mother hanging from a tree. She has

committed suicide as soon as Mariam left her home. Mariam is heartbroken and she realizes

except for her mother she has nobody to care for her, she remembers her mother’s words:

What a stupid girl you are! You think you matter to him, that you’re wanted in his

house? You think you’re a daughter to him? That he’s going to take you in? Let

me tell you something. A man’s heart is a wretched, wretched thing, Mariam. It

isn’t like a mother‘s womb. It won’t bleed, it won’t stretch to make room for you.

I’m all you have in this world, Mariam, and when I’m gone you’ll have nothing.

You’ll have nothing. You are nothing.” (27)

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After her mother’s death she is forced to search for new home. Throughout the novel,

Mariam endurance and survives horrible conditions and depressing personal losses.

Mariam’s indifference to the horrific events does not let her realize the true impact of these

events in her life. Each time she hopes for better therefore she is able to repress these pain

inside her. Mariam comes across one after another horrific events, suicide of her mother,

rejection of her father, and forced marriage but she does not let these memories to constantly

occupy her mind therefore they remain latent, under the surface of new hopeful future that

Mariam envisions for herself:

Mariam thought of her six-hundred-and-fifty-kilometer bus trip with Rasheed,

[…] And here she was now, over those boulders and parched hills, with a home

of her own, a husband of her own, heading towards one final, cherished province:

Motherhood. How delectable it was to think of this baby, her baby, their baby.

How glorious it was to know that her love for it already dwarfed anything, she

had ever felt as a human being, (87)

Caruth explains this tendency of repression as “[…]the attempted avoidance of

unpleasurable conflicts.” (2), nevertheless, she also clarifies that the avoidance is not

possible because, “In trauma, that is, the outside has gone inside without any mediation.” (2)

Nevertheless, repression only delays but is not able to erase traumatic past. In this

regard James Berger writes, “The failure to come to terms with the discursive returns of

some traumatic event usually signals the failure to recognize one’s own emotional and

ideological investments in the events and its representation.” (Unclaimed 9)

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Mariam is humiliated and disappointed by her earlier life and with her father. Jalil is

forced to take Mariam under his roof after the tragic death of her mother but she does not

stay with him for long. She is taken as a burden in Jalil’s house so Jalil and his wives without

even consulting whether she wanted to marry Rasheed (an ageing and brutal shoe-maker

based in Kabul), force Mariam to marry at the age of fifteen. She is given no choice

whatsoever in her marriage. “Actually, your father has already given Rasheed his answer.”

Afsoon said. “Rasheed is here, in Herat; he has come all the way from Kabul. The nikka will

be tomorrow morning, and then there is a bus leaving for Kabul at noon.” (49)

This marriage leads to trail of domestic violence and trauma that Mariam suffers from

the hands of her husband. Trauma can occur due to various reasons, nonetheless, there are

few common features among these reasons, that is, regular abuse of human rights, putting the

person in excessive insecurity. Furthermore, frequent exposure to abuse, for instance

physical or verbal can also be traumatic. After marriage, Mariam’s life is controlled by

Rasheed, for him to act like a wife means to clean and cook and ultimately quench his lust

and participate in sex that he forces upon her. She is young and insecure so very obedient to

her husband. Even though Mariam is unhappy, she does tries to please her husband. Mariam

is anxious and very nervous about her new role as a wife:

“But I’m a different breed of man, Mariam. Where I come from, one wrong look,

one improper word, and blood is spilled. Where I come from, a woman’s face is

her husband’s business only. I want you to remember that. Do you understand?”

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[…] The earlier pleasure over his approval of her cooking had evaporated. In its

stead, a sensation of shrinking. This man’s will felt to Mariam as imposing and

immovable as the Safid-koh mountains looming over Gul Daman. (70)

Rasheed orders Mariam to wear a burqa to hide her identity from the world beyond

Rasheed, is a declaration by Rasheed that Mariam’s new life is only limited to Rasheed

alone. Furthermore this also foreshadows the selfish nature of Rasheed which will lead into

violence and abuse.

Mariam’s victimization is due to injury to her psyche, due to constant torture she

suffers from her childhood to adult life especially by the hands of her husband. This trauma

leads to posttraumatic stress disorder making her fearful of her husband and suffering from

fits of nervousness in her husband presence. Multiple traumatic injuries make her incapable

to deal with further abuse of her husband. Mariam’s trauma is the result of not only physical

but also mental injuries that has psychological effects on her. Most of the time she is in

constant fear of her husband, she lacks the confidence to stand for herself. Caruth explains

traumatic disorder as the obligation on the mind to remember unavoidable horrifying events

over and over again which it cannot avoid. Susannah Radstone also agrees that trauma is

generally due to horrifying event which is toxic to victims mind. When, Mariam begins to

come in term with her marriage, her marriage turns not only sour, but also violent. Mariam

tries to find hope in her pregnancy, however, Mariam’s hope is crushed with the loss of her

first and subsequent pregnancies. For not being able to bear children Rasheed view towards

Mariam changes leading to more violence and torture. Mariam contemplates:

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It wasn’t easy tolerating him talking this way to her, to bear his scorn, his

ridicule, his insults, his walking past her like she was nothing but a house cat. But

after four years of marriage, Mariam saw clearly how much a women could

tolerate when she was afraid. And Mariam was afraid. She lived in fear of his

shifting moods, his volatile temperament, his insistence on steering even

mundane exchanges down a confrontational path that, on occasion, he would

resolve with punches, slaps, kicks (98)

Mariam’s fear is the one of the negative effects of the trauma, the affect of physical

injuries may remain for a short time but the affect of fear is long lasting. And it has

detrimental effects on psychological and physiological well being of victim. Smelser writes,

“Sometime after puberty, and with the trauma –usually fright–returns, is defended against,

and ultimately is converted into an organic symptom such as the paralysis of a limb, the loss

of a function such as eyesight, or an inhibition.” (33) Rasheed’s frustration with Mariam due

to her inability to have a child increases with every passing day. Neither there is love or

respect in marriage of Rasheed and Mariam, it is only violent and abusive:

His powerful hands clasped her jaw. He shoved two fingers into her mouth and

pried it open, then forced the cold, hard pebbles into it. Mariam struggled against

him, mumbling, but he kept pushing the pebbles in, his upper lip curled in a

sneer.

[…] Through the mouthful of grit and pebbles, Mariam mumbled a plea. Tears

were leaking out of the corners of her eyes. (102)

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Mariam’s continuous hope and expectation on every single new event to change her

life does not bring change or make her life less painful. What she needs is to confront her

trauma because of which she has suffered her entire life. Jeffery Alexander points,

“Traumatic feelings and perceptions, then, come not only from the originating event but from

the anxiety of keeping it repressed” (5).

Death of Laila’s parents in the blast brings Laila and Mariam under the same roof.

This incident is a key to form relationship between Laila and Mariam. Treacherously,

Rasheed courts Laila for marriage. Though Mariam objects profusely, Rasheed does not care

about her feelings and eventually she gives in, as she prefers Rasheed to marry Laila rather

than him to cast her out to die. Even though Rasheed abused Mariam, her only identity in life

as a wife to Rasheed is in jeopardy because of Laila’s presence in house which makes her

bitter toward Laila:

“You may be the palace malika and me a dehati, but I won’t take orders from

you. You can complain to him and he can slit my throat, but I won’t do it. Do you

hear me? I won’t be your servant.”

“And if you think you can use your looks to get rid of me, you’re wrong. I was

here first. I won’t be thrown out. I won’t have you cast me out.”

“I wouldn’t have fed you and washed you and nursed you if I’d known you were

going to turn around and steal my husband.” (219)

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To survive traumatic event is a fortunate thing but constant reminder that it leaves

behind constantly haunt the traumatic victims. Caruth writes, “[…] a passage that is

accidentally interrupted by reminders of it, but the endless inherent necessity of repetition

which ultimately may lead to destruction” (3). For Mariam her being a bastard and infertile

continuously haunts her, she is not able to let go the shame that is attached to her, “Mariam

was a thirty-three-year-old woman now, but that word, harami, still had sting. Hearing it still

made her feel like she was a pest, a cockroach” (216). After the revelation of Laila’s

pregnancy, Mariam feels even less of a wife and woman. Furthermore Laila and Rasheed’s

continued exalting makes Mariam feel more worthless, “[…] when Rasheed sprang the news

on Mariam in a high dramatic voice –Laila had never before witnessed such a cheerful

cruelty. Mariam’s lashes fluttered when she heard. A flush spread across her face. She sat

sulking, looking desolate” (222).

Consequently, Laila and Mariams’s first big fight over the spoon helps Mariam to

vent out her anger and finally after years of trauma she is able to scream and curse, this fight

serves as a catharsis. The fight brings Mariam closer to Laila. Due to Rasheed’s violence and

Laila’s strength to act on behalf of Mariam’s best interest finally two women are able to have

civil relation. This new relation that Mariam forms with Laila helps Mariam to vent out her

emotion and pain with another human being. Sharing of trauma is important for victim as it

allows forming solidarity, helps to manage the trauma and does not let sufferers to suffer

alone. Jeffery Alexander writes, “[…] members of collectives define their solidary

relationship in the ways that, in principle, allow them to share the suffering of others.

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(Toward 1)” Laila’s sharing of Mariam’s pain and fate brings some reconciliation in

Mariam’s life:

Mariam started telling her about Jalil, and Nana, and the jinn. Laila stood with her

hands idle on Mariam’s shoulders, eyes locked on Mariam’s face in the mirror.

Out the words came, like blood gushing from an artery. Mariam told her about

Bibi jo, Mullah Faizullah, the humiliating trek to Jalil’s house, Nana’s suicide.

She told about Jalil’s wives, and the hurried nikka with Rasheed, the trip to

Kabul, her pregnancies, the endless cycles of hope and disappointment.

Rasheed’s turning on her. (249)

Human inflicted traumas are more indelible and severe because of which traumatized

victim either tries to deny, avoid or becomes numb to horrific memories. Mariam after long

suffering has become numb towards her pain. Moreover, her hopes get crushed one after

another which further prolongs and intensifies her trauma. Carmelo Vazquez, Pau Perez-

Sales and Ganzalo Hervas write, “The consequence of trauma (e.g., severity and duration of

symptoms) may depend on the extent to which traumatic events violate individual

assumptions that usually maintain beliefs about justice or perceptions of personal

invulnerability and self-efficacy (73).”

Nonetheless, because of the pain Mariam experiences, she is able to appreciate the

love and care that is bestowed upon her by Laila and her children. And to give meaning to

her life Mariam sacrifice herself for others. Thus, traumatic event does not only leave pain

and suffering but also give its victim opportunity to grow. This growth is defined by Stephen

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Joseph and Alex Linely and as, “The concept of growth is concerned with issues of meaning,

personality schemas, and relationships, all aspects of psychological well-being (33).” They

also emphasize that following negative event there is always positive growth, stress and

growth is two sides of same coin. Therefore, Mariam’s trauma does not only leave behind

scar and trauma but also chance to bond and be better person. Similarly, support of family

and friend also helps victim to cope with trauma. The support Mariam receives from Laila is

very vital for Mariam’s growth that is her ability to change her life and lives around her.

By the end of the novel, Mariam assumes that purpose of her life is to free Laila and

her children from the hand of Rasheed. This purpose gives Mariam meaning of all the

suffering she received in her past. It makes her able to change her personality and perception

about her life. Giving meaning to the horrific event is significant for cognition process, it

helps victim to accommodate trauma in their lives which gives birth to positive growth.

Finding meaning in traumatic experience is vital for growth and posttraumatic adaptation.

Growth means to finding meaning and learning positive lesson from traumatic experience. In

this regard Leslie Morland, Lisa Butler and Gregory Leskin write, “Finding meaning –both

in comprehending the event and in identifying its personal significance –is common to

positive adaptation (57).”

However, Mariam’s trauma and suffering itself does not bring growth, her coping

process with past adversity bring positive traumatic growth. The coping process of Mariam

instigates due to her love for Aziza. Mariam confesses, “For me, it ends here. There’s

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nothing more I want. Everything I’d ever wished for as a little girl you’ve already given me.

You and your children have made me so very happy (350).”

Series of traumatic events that Mariam suffers are very harsh for any human to go

through but these events help Mariam to prop up her hidden strength, character strengths like

to love, to be kind, to work in a team. All these are positive change and growth that Mariam

is able to welcome in her life. There is no doubt that traumatic experiences are terrifying,

nonetheless, it works as a means to bring positive change in human relation and social

interaction. Hence, putting out traumatic experiences in words verbally or textually is equally

important for unburdening of trauma and growth of victim.

Mariam and Laila develop thick relation because of their marriage and suffering from

the hands of same man. Their closeness and bond is very important for survival of both

Mariam and Laila. Margalit defines thick relation as, “Thick relations are in general our

relations to near and dear (7).” Additionally, thick relation is always guided by ethics and

ethics is concerned with loyalty and betrayal. Mariam’s actions are guided by her closeness

to Laila. In this regard Margalit writes, “I emphasize human relations rather than actions and

reasons for actions (8).” Shared memories and shared past cements Mariam and Laila’s thick

relation. Besides, Mariam’s caring, protectiveness and concern for Laila and her children

also points towards the thick relation they share. Margalit clarifies, “Caring is the attitude at

the heart of our thick relations (35).” Caring and ethics is inherently connected with each

other so thick relation comprise of both caring and ethics.

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The familial bond that Mariam and Laila share is very strong. Familial relations are

ethical, they are basis of ethical relation. Thick relations are ethical relation which favors one

against other. Moreover, familial relations are thicker than friendship. Margalit explains,

“We choose our friends, while we do not choose our parent (104).” Hence, the bond that

Mariam and Laila form is one that is more than friendship, a familial bond.

In Mariam’s relation with Aziza and Laila emotion plays important role. Emotionally

involved relations are thick and they constitutes of love and care. As Mariam is childless she

now has opportunity to nurture Laila’s two children, Aziza and Zalmai as her own. Mariam’s

love for Aziza, first child of Laila fulfills her maternal desire for a child. Because of Aziza,

Mariam who always felt unwanted in her life feels love and attention therefore she develops

deep love for Aziza:

Mariam bounced her stiffly, a half-bewildered, half grateful smile on her lips.

Mariam had never before been wanted like this. Love had never been declared to

her so guilelessly, so unreservedly. […] Her eyes watered. Her heart took flight.

And she marveled at how, after all these years of rattling loose, she had found in

this little creature the firs true connection in her life of false, failed connection.

(246)

Due to her motherly feeling she is unable to see them hurt in anyway and she

continuously protect them from Rasheed’s beatings, accepting the punishment herself.

Mariam does not let her fright or Rasheed’s hatefulness waver her bravery. She becomes the

selfless, loving and protective mother that she incapable to become biologically. As times in

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Kabul became rougher due to constant bombing, killings and raids, Rasheed also became

more horrible and hard to live with. Mariam wanted more than anything to be free the

children whom she cared for. As she never had her own children, they meant world to her.

They gave her the only happy memory in her life therefore she wanted to save them and feel

that she had a purpose in her life.

Moreover, thick relation is concerned with one’s well being and to think about

leading good life. To think about one’s good and justice or injustice one has encountered is

ethical. After years of suffering Mariam is able to confront her suffering and injustice that

she has suffered. So, finally she is able to question herself why she has been victimized and

also to think for the one’s own better:

Had she been a deceitful wife? She asked herself. A complacent wife? A

dishonorable woman? Discreditable? Vulgar? What harmful thing had she

willfully done to this man to warrant his malice, his continual assaults, the

relish with which he tormented her? Had she not looked after him when he

was ill? Fed him, and his friends, cleaned up after him dutifully?

Had she not given this man her youth?

Had she ever justly deserved his meanness? (339)

All her life Mariam tries to forget her past and rebuild her present with new hope.

However, forgetting does not bring reconciliation and relief. Trying to forget only leads to

bitterness and it does not bring relief because forgiveness is yet to come. Forgetting is not

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solution since it suns away bad memories but does not confront them. Rather than forgetting

repentance and remorse are far better option. Mariam’s repentance for killing Zalmai’s father

gives her strength her final movement without any remorse, “And when she did feel herself

faltering, she thought of Zalmai, from whom she had taken the love of his life, whose days

now would be shaped by the sorrow of his father’s disappearance. And then Mariam’s stride

steadied and she could walk without protest (360).” Because of repentance, one can change

ones perception of past which helps to come in terms with the horrific event that one

suffered. Even after many attempts Mariam is not able to run away from her past because to

forget is involuntary action, one cannot force it. While forgiveness is change in heart, to

come to terms with past but forgetting is omission of past, it is not forgiveness,

confrontation. By the end Mariam, forgives and moves on, which is both a process to forget

and an achievement as she also achieves redemption. Her action to disregard her injuries and

take stand is voluntary which ultimately leads to redemption. Margalit writes, “Forgiveness

as a policy touches upon the reasons for the decision to disregard the injury, but forgiveness

as overcoming means mastering motives such as resentment and vengefulness that steam,

whether consciously or not from the injury itself (206).”

Mariam’s final action is not about overcoming resentment, it is her confrontation with

her suffering, her numbness from past injuries. She is able to let go of her negative emotion

after which victim does not relive the trauma even while remembering the past. It is not

compulsion that make Mariam to stand up, it is not out of obligation that she confronts,

neither her repentance, it is for herself that she confronts herself and forgets her illegitimacy.

She wants to embrace positive memories of her life not the negative ones. It is for her own

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betterment and to overcome her repression. Caring for oneself is ethical duty that one owns

for one’s own well being. Margalit writes, “This duty stems from not wanting to live with

feelings of resentment and the desire for revenge. Those poisonous attitudes and states of

mind (207).”

In the end she learns to stand up for herself. While hitting Rasheed, “[…] it occurred

to her that this Mariam, for her own freedom and her love for Aziza, has enough courage to

kill Rasheed. It was the first time that she was deciding the course of her own life.” (341)

Mariam who is insecure and depends on her husband’s commands is finally able to grow into

stronger person. She becomes independent, confident, and learns to take action on her own

hands. Mariam was the first woman that the reader witnessed Rasheed torture and she

endured the longest period of torture and abuse therefore her anger and act is ethical

redemption for freedom and for revenge.

Mariam pleads guilty and makes it clear to the Talib overseeing her trial that she

killed Rasheed for her self defense but Mariam is sentenced to death.

Mariam wished for so much in those final moments. Yet as she closed her eyes, it

was not regret any longer but a sensation of abundant peace that washed over her.

She thought of her entry into this world, the harami child of a lowly villager, an

unintended thing, a pitiable, regrettable accident. A weed. And yet she was

leaving the world as a woman who had loved and been loved back. She was

leaving it as a friend, a companion, a guardian. A mother. A person of

consequence at last. No. it was not so bad. Mariam thought, that she should die

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this way. Not so bad. This was a legitimate end to a life of illegitimate

beginnings. (361)

Mariam life is filled with atrocities, memory of the past, the life Mariam lived is

terrifying not liberating, for her reconciliation and redemption is acceptance and love she is

able to feel for Laila and her children. Therefore, Mariam’s redemption is ethical because in

the end she is able to acknowledge that her life had been hard but at the end she had loved

and been loved in return. Mariam survived, deserted childhood, loveless marriage, however,

she finally finds acceptance and love when she is able to forge a strong bond with Laila.

Mariams ultimate sacrifice to take the blame and suffer the punishment for Rasheed’s death

is to legitimatize her life and love she has been able to feel due to Laila and her children.

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