Download - Life Reconstruction Overcoming Bitterness and Resentment one thought at a time

Life ReconstructionOvercoming Bitterness and Resentmentone thought at a time

DanielJamie

David

Heather

Beth

Mayor Ray NaginNew Orleans

Pastor DougCarbondale


Life ReconstructionOne thought at a time

• “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Romans 12:2

• “and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

2 Corinthians 10:5-6

stimulus

issue

perception

thoughts

feelings

talk, behavior

The Anatomy of Anger, Bitterness and Resentment

A

E

F

D

Dmind movies replays of incident

(B ) C

Original offense 9 unitshurt

x per replay 12 units rage, indignation 24 x 12 + 9 = 297x per replay 15 units malice, revenge 24 x 15 + 297 = 657x per replay 20 units self-pity, bummed out 24 x 20 + 657 = 1137

Significance

resistance AngerNo one gets in my way!

Fear “She’s so stupid”“She can’t treat me that way!”

Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful, revengeful

Withdrawn, Subversive or Aggressive

The Pits!!

stimulus

issue

perception

thoughts

feelings

talk, behavior


A

E

F

D


(B ) C



Self-worth

Not invited AngerI’m being rejected!

Fear “That dirty so and so”“They can’t treat me that way!”

Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentfulrevengeful


The Pits!!

Activating event

Perception Feelings Behavior

A B C D

Experienced Neglect

Rejection

Subconscious Message

I’m worthless unlovable

Not invited To party

Hurt Irritated

IncensedSelf-pity

Bummed

Avoid,Snub friendComplainGossip

People don’tLike me.

Something isWrong with me.They’re mean.

Activating event


A B C D

Experienced Neglect

Rejection


My worth is in Christ, I am beloved!


HurtPuzzled

No big deal Peaceful

GraciousEngaging

Ask about it

They’re havinga party.I wasn’t Invited.



Activating event


A B C D

Experienced Neglect

Rejection


I’m worthless unlovable


Hurt Irritated

IncensedSelf-pity

Bummed

Avoid,Snub friendComplainGossip



Activating event


A B C D

Experienced Neglect

Rejection


My worth is in Christ, I am beloved!


HurtPuzzled

No big deal Peaceful

GraciousEngaging

Ask about it

They’re havinga party.I wasn’t Invited.

A life transforming relationship with Jesus provides your four basic needs:1. Love2. Worth3. Security 4. Significance

stimulus

issue

perception

thoughts

feelings

talk, behavior


A

E

F

D


(B ) C



Self-worth

Not invited AngerI’m being rejected!

Fear “That dirty so and so”“They can’t treat me that way!”

Perturbed, bitter, distraught, resentful


The Pits!!

Bitter Grudge

Ephesians 4:31-32

• Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

• Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Antidote to Bitterness: Forgiveness• Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how

many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 18:21-22

• The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith!“ Luke 17:3-5

Antidote to Bitterness: Forgiveness• Forgiveness originates with God• Is a judicial operation, not emotional• Means you take the pain and pay the debt• Doesn’t necessitate interaction with offender• Doesn’t expose you to further mistreatment by

offender• Gives best chance to confront offender effectively

and sensitively. • Releases the person from any penalty owed to you

only, not to God or others offended.

stimulus

issue

perception

thoughts

feelings

talk, behavior


A

E

F

D

D

(B ) Cthoughts

feelings

talk, behavior

E

D

F

mind movies

D

Significance

Resistance

“That dirty so and so”“They can’t treat me that way!”



PeaceSignificance

Security

mind movies replays of incident

AngerNo one gets in my way!

Fear

Reconciliation

Regret, Peace, Love

I forgive . . .

Refuse to replay incident

What’s going on here?

prayer

God show me . . .

stimulus

issue

perception

thoughts

feelings

talk, behavior


A

E

F

D

D

(B ) Cthoughts

feelings

talk, behavior

E

D

F

mind movies

D

Self-worth

Not invited

“That dirty so and so”“They can’t treat me that way!”



PeaceWorth

Security

mind movies replays of incident

I wasn’t invited Anger

I’m being rejected!

Fear

Friendly

Peaceful, secure

I forgive . . .

Refuse to replay

prayer

God show me . . .

What to expect when you forgive:

• You may not feel like you have forgiven.• Expect to still feel hurt and pain.

– Take that pain to God for consolation.– Seek to understand situation from offender’s point of

view. – Analyze incident for personal responsibility.

• Expect to experience inner resistance to forgiving.

• Expect a flood of replays of the incident. • Expect excuses not to forgive.

Ultimate Purpose: His Glory!

• Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.

• Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.

• Romans 12:1-2
