Psychology of Human Relations

Interpersonal Relationships

Close relationships

• We all need close relationships

• See evidence in companion book page. 271 8.2

• Close relationships defined:• Strong and frequent interdependence in

many domains of life. • Interdependence = thoughts, emotions

and behaviors influence each other

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What is love? Baby don’t hurt me…

• How is it defined? A real problem

• Berscheid & Hatfield – passionate vs. companionate

• Sternberg’s Triarchic Theory• Descriptive not explanatory but still good

Origin of Attraction - Biology

• Evolution – attraction leads to procreation

•Referring to Sternberg’s Triangle Theory of Love, many animal relationships are Passionate, but no Commitment or Intimacy, but not all

• Let’s look at specific aspects of love and how they connect to specific biological functions

Romantic Love – are you tired, because you’ve been running through my head all day?

• Obsession – is a disorder defined as inability to stop thinking about a particular topic. Can’t turn off thoughts.

• Romance is motivation not an emotion – creates a craving

• NT’s/Hormones that lead to cocktail of biochemical experiences:• Dopamine – does what?

Adrenaline• “His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy…he’s nervous, but

on the surface he looks calm and ready”

• Is this a dude about to enter a rap battle or prompose to a girl in his class?

• Adrenaline is a stress hormone• High Energy

• Less sleep

• Less food

• Focused attention on object of stress

• “Skylar, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about you. You’re my world. Will you go to prom with me?”

Serotonin

• Interacts significantly with the Limbic System

• Four F’s• Feeding, Fighting, Fleeing, Mating

•Also focused thoughts?•Marazziti (1999) - low levels of hormone in blood

equates with OCD

Fischer et al. (2003)

• Passionate Love Scale

• fMRI look at pictures of beloved vs. acquaintance

• Brain’s reward system lit up when looking at the object of one’s desire

• Correlated with people’s assessments of the PLS

• No word on whether that one guy whose brain lit up from the “acquaintance” got busted or not

Hormones and bonding• Attachment

• Innate system of behaviors and psychology

• Bowlby

• Oxytocin• Released during touching, sex –

builds intimacy through bonding

• Childbirth

• Vasopressin• Released during sex

• Sex for fun

• Protection too

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Evolution• Take a minute and in a few sentences describe your ideal romantic

partner – psychological characteristics, values, attitudes, etc. (without thinking of anyone in particular)

• Why do we find some people more attractive than others?

• Reasons we’ve already discussed, such as…

• Buss (1996) - for XX’s jealousy actually varies –

• Ovulation: estrogen is high – emotionally jealous

• Menstruation: estrogen is low… and they act like men

• Explanation – when menstruating she can’t reproduce so she’s sexually jealous of her philandering partner

Low (1990)

• 186 Cultures analyzed – correlation between parasites & polygyny

• Pathogen stress

• As PS increases – unmarried XY’s increases

• Physical attractiveness is more valued as a result

• See other factors on pg. 275 of companion book

Wedekind (1995) – Dirty Shirt Study

• Genes & immune system in attractiveness – more diverse MHC = better immune system

• Long story short – women can smell the difference

• Key note – preferred different MHC smells, but if they were on the Pill they preferred similar MHC smells

• Why?

• Application – dating services

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Cognitive Origin of Attraction• Take a minute and in a few sentences describe yourself

focusing on the attributes you feel would be attractive to other people

• Remember when I asked you to describe your ideal romantic partner last block? How close are those two lists?

• Morry (2007) – we see friends/partners as more similar to us• Social Identity Theory – in-groups & out-groups view• In general –

• opposites tend not to attract; • people live near those similar; • shared interests lead to attraction;• others similarity to you is rewarding and validating/self-esteem

boosting

Research

• Markey et al. (2007) did this and found they were largely similar

• In a follow-up, they had 106 young American couples who had been together for a year answer a questionnaire about both of their characteristics

• Results – people want people like them

• Note: perception is not always reality (<1yr.) Self-Reported so reliability is low but validity is high

• Davis & Rusbult (2001) showed that attraction can foster similarity

• Chicken or egg with attraction and similarity?

Application:Neil Clarke Warren – founder of eHarmony;How to Know if Someone is Worth Marrying in Two Dates or Less

List the 10 Must Haves

• Honest

• Intelligent

• Attractive

• Faith

• Sports Fan

• Wants Kids

• Extended Family-Oriented

• Traveler

• Don’t settle

List 10 Deal Breakers

• Smoker

• High Maintenance

• Money Reckless

• Indecisive

• Follower/Not Independent

• Low Self-Esteem

• Don’t settle

Kiesler & Baral (1970) – Self-Esteem in Relationships

• Fake IQ test for XY’s

• You’re amazing

• Your results are so low we think there may be something wrong with the test

• Hot XX in the waiting room

• Do you engage in conversation?

• Depends on your self-esteem

Reciprocity

• Social Exchange Theory

• We like those who like us

• Help a partner; we feel good: self-enhancement

• In romantic relationships we tend to idealize the partner and view them more favorably than they do

• These feelings are indicative of a relationships success rate (Markey et al., 2007)

• Dove Body Image ad

• Slightly different but still – which door would you choose?

Sociocultural Origin of Attraction

• Who become partners?

• What attracts partners to each other?1. Positive interaction2. Frequency of interaction

• Why?1. Compare our reactions/feelings to others2. Test our views’ validity in comparison to others3. Connectedness & attachment4. The familiar is more likable (mere exposure)

Culture’s Role in Formation & Maintenance of Relations

• Need to diversify these cultural investigations – too US based

• Norms• West – marriage is the culmination of a relationship• Why proposals are such a big deal in the West and

“unromantic” in the East• Happily ever after. The end? NO! It’s the start of

something• Divorce rates high• Paradox of Choice?

• Cultures with arranged marriages have low divorce rates• “You Americans marry the person you love; we love

the person we marry” (Matsumoto, 2004). • Zajonc – Mere Exposure Effect

• Is it culture? Indians who married for love felt less love 5 years in than Indians with arranged marriages

•What is a marriage? Union of two people or two families? Lifetime companion b/w 2 individuals in love or partnership for mutual benefit, kids, economics etc.?

Buss (1994) • 2 questionnaires to 10k in 37 cultures

• 36/37 XX’s rank finances as most important

• All 37 XY’s prefer younger spouses

• 23/37 XY’s ranked chastity as more important than XX’s did

• Some interesting differences:• US – love first

• Iran – love 3rd, education, intelligence, ambition & chastity high

• Nigeria – love 4th, health, neatness, desire for home/kids high

• China – love 6th, health, chastity, domestic skills high

• South Africa (Zulu) – love 7th, emotional stability, maturity, dependability high