Communication

How do we communicate?

Why is it so important to be an effective communicator when working with children and adolescence?

ValidatingValidating

PersonalPersonal

SuperficialSuperficial

Levels of Levels of CommunicationCommunication

Communication reinforcing people’s feelings about themselves.

Communication involving opening up and talking

about feelings, beliefs and opinions that mean something to you.

Communication making up the majority of our communication. Talking about the weather, home, school, food, etc.

Event

Influence

Personal Quality

Compliment

Superficial

Personal

Validating

Communication Types/Styles

• Touch– Hugging, holding hands, physically

close

• Verbal– Sharing one’s feelings, listening,

heart-to-heart talks, caring words

• Task– Achievement, accomplishments,

hard work, status, things

Communication Assessment

• Complete the quiz.

“Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never

hurt me.”

Words, tone of voice and body language.

What does George’s tone of voice and body language

say?

The Power of Body Language

Constructive Communication

• “I” Messages• Clarity• Timing

• Asking Questions• Reflective Listening

• Respect and Consideration• Avoiding Intense Anger

• “I” Messages – State the feelings and thoughts you are having at the time of communication. Lets others know how you feel without making people defensive.

Examples “I feel frustrated when…I am angry because you forgot…

Destructive Communication

• Blaming• Interrupting

• Endless Fighting• Character Assassination

• Calling in Reinforcements• Withdrawal

• Need to be Right

• Blaming – Frequently blame each other while trying to find out who is at “fault”, who started the fight, etc.”

• Examples – You are the one that’s not listening. You did this…. You should of …

• Interrupting – Interrupts another person, it is a sign that one idea is more important than another.

• Stop communication, Shows disregard for other person’s ideas.

• Endless Fighting – Arguments that never end. Bring up the old issues that have nothing to do with what’s happening now.

• Examples: Just like when you…

• Character Assassination – Name calling, belittling comments about sensitive subjects, and insulting remarks. (Sarcasm)

• Examples: Destroys self-esteem, trust, and communication.

• Calling In Reinforcements – Involves outsiders in your personal relationships and quarrels.

• Example: to save face

• Withdrawal – Withdrawing from communication avoiding conversation in families communicates hurt, rejection, neglect, indifference, &/or anger.

• Example: “I don’t care” “fine” “I’ll do it”

• Need to be right – Some people refuse to admit any need to always be right.

• Compromise is a win-win situation.

Hammer of Communication

THE HEAD IS LIKE CONSTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION.

It is smooth and rounded and is used to build and help put things together.

THE CLAW IS LIKE DESTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION.

It is sharp and dangerous and is used to destroy and tear down relationships.

THE SHANK IS LIKE NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION:

It is strong and can be used to support construction or destruction.

THE HANDLE OF THE HAMMER IS LIKE US– IT IS THE DRIVING FORCE.

We are in control of our communication and choose to use it in a constructive or destructive manner.

• Clarity – Meaning what you say and then saying what you mean. Problem is interpretation. (Sarcasm)

• Example: I hope you had a great time at the movie last night with all your other friends!

• Timing – Select a good time to do your important communicating.

• Examples: Asking for something when parents walk in from work.

Asking Questions – People seldom say what they really mean the first time.

Example: Why, What, Where, When, Do you mean….

Reflective Listening – listener mirrors back thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing. Purpose is to clarify.

Example: Are you saying? You seem to be saying?

Communication 45 % listening 30 % speaking 16% reading 9% writing

It has been estimated that 85% of what you learn is through some form of listening!

Let’s Communicate

• For each negative technique use a constructive technique and provide an example of it.

You to “I” Messages

Journal

Instead of half listening…..

Listen with Full Attention

How Well Do You Listen?

• When the listener mirrors back the thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing.– “Are you saying …”– “You seem …”

• If the listener if wrong then the speaker can restate in a different way.

Reflective Listening

Is Phil a good Is Phil a good reflective Listener?reflective Listener?

Is Phil a good Is Phil a good reflective Listener?reflective Listener?

Listening Blocks• I must defend my position.• I’m looking for an entrance into

the conversation.• I don’t have time to listen to

you.• I already know what you have

to say.• I know what you should do.

Active Listening• Ask questions, not with yes, no or

one word answers.• Use appropriate eye contact.• Not if understand or ask for

clarification.• Don’t cross arms or legs or lean

back.• Lean slightly forward.• Facial expressions and tone of

voice.• Be honest and sincere.

How to Listen Actively

Focus all attention on speaker

Establish eye contact

Attend: lean toward speaker

Nod or use other means of expressing “I’m present and paying attention.”

Four Active Listening

Techniques:

Reflective

Clarifying

Encouraging

Empathizing

Reflectively Listen for “feelings” that are not stated

Eliminate your judgement.

Rephrase or summarize what the speaker has

said to be sure you understand

Clarifying Ask the speaker, “are you looking for advice

or someone to listen?”

Don’t tell speaker what to do! Do not say “well, if it was me…” it isn’t

Encouraging Give signals you are really interested

and involved. “Uh-huh”, “I understand”, “I see” or “tell me more”

Empathizing Actually feeling the other person’s

feelings as you listen

If sad, the listener feels sad (for the speaker)

If happy, the listener feels happy, etc.

Active Listening

• Open-ended questions– Closed: Are you feeling bad today?– Open: How are you feeling today?

• Reflection (paraphrasing)

Scenarios…..

Listen for Feelings…

Non-VerbalNon-VerbalNon-VerbalNon-VerbalVideo ClipVideo Clip

““The most important thing in The most important thing in communication is to hear what communication is to hear what

isnisn’’t being said.t being said.””

How do you do?How do you do?

How can you improve?How can you improve?

Eye Contac

t

Keep still – don’t fidget

Posture

Personal

Space

• What problems do you sometimes find when people are trying to tell you something?

• What happens when the communication is not clear?

• In what ways do we communicate other than the use of words?

• Can we become confused when the words are different than the body

• image?

Read!• Read over the Communication

Packet and answer the questions.

• Have Fun!

Territory• We all mark our own territory.

– Unwritten seating arrangements.– Spreading coats, books, etc.

• Visual Territory– Glances are less than three seconds.

• Lots of empty space, leave spaces between.

SpacePublic Zone

12’ and up

Social Zone

4’ – 12’

Personal Zone

18” – 4’

Intimate Zone

Touching – 18”

Non-Verbal Cues

• Shaking Hands• Defensiveness• Suspicion and

Secretiveness• Honesty• Frustration• Confidence• Nervousness• Boredom

Where does our Communication come

from?• Gestures – What do they tell us?

You’ve Got Mail

Conflict Resolution – the 7 C’s

The Foundation CommunicationCriticismCreativity

7 C’s Resolution Styles• Co-exist"There's only you and me and we just disagree." • Capitulation"Let's try it your way."

Compromise• "A compromise would surely help the situation." • Collaboration“L Let’s work together to solve this problem.”

Is the use of violence a form of conflict resolution?

What should we teach children?