CROA National Conference 13.10.2010

RAPPORT: THE X FACTOR!

Steve Percival

What is it?A positive impressionPeople skillsA feeling of accord or samenessA sense of trustEye contactKnowing why you are there and what is expectedBody LanguageSubconscious communicationSelf awarenessEmpathyAn understanding of children & young people and the issues

they experience (personal?)

Why is it so important?

The most basic aspects of working with children are often overlooked or underestimated.

The manner in which we approach each child as a separate and unique human being is a critical aspect of professional and humane practices.

In relationships, understanding and rapport are based upon particular styles of perceiving the world. This workshop will hopefully present a background of information and discussion useful in developing basic rapport with children. It also now features in the advocacy qualification as Effective communication and engagement with children, young people and their families and carers.

Definitions and historyRapport is one of the most important features or

characteristics of subconscious communication. It describes a commonality of perspective: being ‘in sync’ with, or being ‘on the same wavelength’ as the person with whom you’re working.

There are a number of techniques beneficial to building rapport such as matching your body language and maintaining appropriate eye contact. Some of these techniques have also been described as processes of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).

Uncommon Therapy (Jay Haley, 1993) recounts the psychotherapeutic intervention techniques of Milton Erickson who developed the ability to ‘enter the world view of his patients and, from that vantage point (having established rapport), was able to make extremely effective interventions to help his patients overcome life problems.’

‘Rapport is based on mutual confidence, respect and acceptance. It is your responsibility to engage the interviewee and bring him or her to see you as a trusting and helping person.’ (Sattler, 1992)

Methods of building rapport

Mirroring

Mirroring means getting into rhythm with the person on as many levels as possible.

Emotional Mirroring - Empathizing with someone's emotional state by being on ‘their side’.Posture mirroring - Matching the tone of a person's body language not through direct imitation, as this can appear as mockery, but through mirroring the general message of their posture and energy.

Tone and Tempo mirroring - Matching the tone, tempo, inflection, and volume of a person's voice.

Reflecting

Reflecting is a form of ‘pacing’ (Bandler, Grinder, 1975) or ‘mirroring’ and is literally imitating or miming the child’s behaviour. This technique is probably the most effective way of establishing quick rapport and is the one, used either consciously or subconsciously, by most professionals in the field.

Language

What we say, how we say it, where we say it, when we say it and why we say it can cause a wide variety of responses from whom we say it to!

Incongruent vs. Congruent language

Watch your language! VISUAL People

“I see what you mean”, “I have a blind spot on that”, “It appears to me as if”, “Show me”, “In my mind’s eye…”Shed some light on this for me”, etc.

AUDITORY People

“In a manner of speaking”, “It rings a bell with me”,

“Loud and clear”, “On the same wavelength”,

“Whose calling the tune ?”, “What makes her tick ?”, etc.

KINAESTHETIC People

“Hold on a second”, He’s a cool customer”, “She is a warm-hearted person”, “Thick skinned”, “They had a heated argument”, “I feel it in my bones” etc.

ReciprocityActing for someone and completing difficult tasks

without asking for something in return may trigger feelings of obligation.

Does anyone have experience of this – good or bad?

CommonalityCommonality is the technique of deliberately finding

something in common with a person in order to build a sense of camaraderie and trust. This is done through shared interests, experiences, dislikes, situations etc.

Do we automatically achieve this in the advocacy role?

Body language

Albert Meharabian proposed that 60-70 % of all human communication and meaning is derived from nonverbal behaviour.

Kinesics - study of how certain body movements and gestures serve as non-verbal communication.

What do we do?...

Facial expression

It is now generally accepted that certain basic facial expressions of human emotion are recognized around the world - and that the use and recognition of these expressions is genetically inherited rather than socially conditioned or learned. The following basic human emotions are generally used and recognised as part of humankind's genetic character:

Happiness Sadness Fear Disgust Surprise Anger

Charles Darwin was first to make these claims in his book The Expressions of the Emotions in Man and Animals, published in 1872.

Body language and spaceInterpersonal space refers to the psychological ‘bubble’ that we imagine exists when someone’s standing too close to us.

1. Intimate distance ranges from touching to about eighteen inches (46 cm) apart. Intimate distance is the space around us that we reserve for lovers, children, as well as close family members and friends. 2. Personal distance begins about an arm's length away; starting around eighteen inches (46 cm) from our person and ending about four feet (122 cm) away. We use personal distance in conversations with friends, to chat with associates, and in group discussions. 3. Social distance is the area that ranges from four to eight feet (1.2 m - 2.4 m) away from you, reserved for strangers, newly formed groups, and new acquaintances. 4. Public distance includes anything more than eight feet (2.4 m) away from you. This zone is used for speeches, lectures, and theatre; essentially, public distance is reserved for larger audiences.

Obstacles to rapportAnxiety of a first meetingTesting the watersSurroundingsCultural differencesStress – it’s difficult to talk about problemsSituational constraints – control Just another professional in a long lineStory-fatigueConstant readjusting of our emotional responsesOur own emotional state – imposing our valuesOur abilities to remain aware of leading or closed questions etc.Pre-occupation with our own circumstances

Enablers to rapportValues and ethos?The advocacy role itself? ConfidencePeer advocacy, RVA etc.Humour?Is it necessary to the advocacy process at all?

Thanks for your time!

Steve Percival Senior Advocate, Teesside & Darlingtonsteve.percival@nyas.net

National Youth Advocacy Service