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The Assistant’s Guide to Self AwarenessYOUR KEY TO ADVANCEMENT
LUCY BRAZIER
www.executivesecretary.com
Map of Influence
• Key internal stakeholders• Key external stakeholders• Relationships that underpin the
operations of your executive
You
CEO
CFO
Other PAs
ProcurementManager
CompanyLawyer
FinanceDirector
Office Manager
Receptionist
ITEngineer
Catering Manager
HRDirector
Chairman
Some important questions to ask yourself!
• What are your professional ambitions• What are your work ethics• What are your current boundaries/authority• What are your current strengths• When did you last feel highly motivated?
Categories of Behavior
Parent
Adult
Child
Aggressive
Assertive
Passive
Making yourself heard• Do not apologise for wanting to speak• Use the other persons name• State that you would like to speak or have
input• Wait until you have someone's attention• Posture• Don’t fidget!
Dealing with aggression
• Tell the other person you hear them• Use their name• Don’t internalise – detach• Communicate from your own
perspective –not theirs.• Understand and state your
boundaries • Use active listening
The Truth about Body Language…
Micro gestures
1
Displacement gestures
2
Universal gestures
3
Unintentional gestures
4
Signature gestures
5
Gestures…Micro Gestures
• Signals that “leak” your inner truth• Tiny, fleeting indicators that are quickly
gone• Impossible to control or hide• Movement around the mouth, tension at the
eyes, flaring of the nose, clenching of the teeth
Gestures…Displacement gestures
• Activities to distract yourself as opposed to others
• Often occurs when we are feeling internal conflict or discomfort
• A divert of energy away from a situation or feeling
• Playing with objects, drumming fingers,tapping foot, stroking your chin
Gestures…Universal gestures
• Gestures which are standard across cultures
• They are genetically imprinted into our behavior patterns
• Difficult to control• Smiling, blushing, crying, nodding,
shrugging, widening the eyes in the face of fear
GesturesUnintentional gestures
• Displays a conviction of your own beliefs• Delivers a message of “no compromise”• The “fright” element of “fright or flight”• Crossed arms, pursed lips, crossed legs,
finger over mouth
Gestures…Signature Gestures• Your own unconscious habit gestures• Gives an insight into your personality• Defines who you are• Twiddling hair around a finger, a tilt of the
head, pursing the lips
Creating rapport through reflecting gestures
• Developing a harmonious or sympatheticrelationship
• Matching and mirroring gestures and movements
• Can be achieved through, tone, touch, eye contact, gestures and verbal responses
• Balance between rapport building and mimicking
Demonstrating Power & AuthorityIts all in the head…
Spotting deception• Micro gestures• Poker face – no emotion displayed• Eye contact – too direct, or looking away• Lots of touching - mouth covering• Nose touching• False smile• Limited hand gestures• Changing speech patterns
Truth or Lie
Exercise…
• In pairs, take it in turn to tell each other 3facts about yourself
• One of these facts should be a lie that youshould try to conceal
• Try to read which one of your partners facts is a lie
Acting how you want to be perceived• Posture• Understanding your own “Signature
gestures”• Adopt your own cluster of postures,
positions and gestures• Ensure that your gestures reinforce the
impression you want to make• You can modify and adapt your gestures to
meet the needs of a situation
PersonalCommunication
Turn understanding yourself into a fine
art...
Developing self awarenessof your own values and motivation
• Things that you value in yourself and things that you value in others
• When you were really motivated: what where you doing and what was it that motivated you?
• People that you respect. What is it thatyou value about them?
We often respect those with similar values to our own
What does this tell you?The values I want to convey to others are:1. .................................................................
2. .................................................................
3. .................................................................
I want others to see me as someone who:
......................................................................
At it’s worst, this voice can destroy your confidence, affectyour performance and prevent you from reaching yourpotential.
Keep your distance
Strong handshake
Lean forward
Direct eye contact
Controlled gestures
Strong
Clear, loud
Confident
Direct
WinLead the field
Results
Now
Challenge
Get close
Use touch
Relaxed, fun
Friendly eye contact
Expressive gestures
Enthusiastic
High & lowmodulationFriendly
Energised
Fun
I feel
Socialise
Recognition
Exciting
Relaxed, close
Methodical
Lean back
Friendly eye contact
Small gestures
WarmSoft
Steady
Low in volume
Step by stepHelp me out
Security
Promise
Think about it
Keep your distance
Stand or sit
Firm posture
Direct eye contact
No gestures
ClearPrecise
Limited inflection
Here are the facts
Proven
No risk
Analyse
Guarantee
55%Body Language
38%Tone, Pace & Pitch of Voice
7%Words & Content
Proactive Leader Creative Talker Reactive Follower Analytical Listener
Make no mistake – it’s political!
Make no mistake – it’s political!
Are you politically intelligent?
Are you able to?• Read what is happening in the organisation
at a time of change?• Understand how decisions are really made?• Know who and how to influence to get your
ideas accepted?• Understand where different types of power are
and how it moves over time?• Clear about the different agendas that exist in
the organisation?
Foxes areclever...These people have high political intelligence and use it it primarily in pursuit of personal goals.
They are aware of both written & unwritten rules and the ways to get things done both formally & informally. They may use this for personal gain, andmaybe skilful at placing blame and/or responsibility onto others. They may be seen as playing games,often with a concealed motivation.
Owls are Wise...High political intelligence and use this to align their personal goals with those of the organisation
Like the fox group they know how to manoeuvrearound organisational procedures. They work inways that are beneficial to both the organisation& themselves. They are unlikely to undertakeactivities solely in pursuit of their own interests.
Sheep are...• Trusting
• Innocent
• Naive
• Follower
• Gentle and timid
• Loyal
• Woolly!
Sheepare trusting...Low political intelligence & concerned to meet both organisational and personal goalsSuspicious of the issue of politics. They link political intelligence with the Fox’s negative aspects rather than Owls positive behaviors. Pursue organisational goals and their own. Blind to power & organisational decision-making processes.
Mules are...Determined
Hard working
Noisy
Bad tempered
Heavy load carrier
A plodder but sure-footed
Hairy!
Mules are Determined...Low level of political intelligence &pursue personal goalsUnaware of both formal & informal power structures and primarily concerned with personal goals. Determined and stick resolutely to their plans. They are convinced they are right & are not afraid of telling others, appropriate or not.
Fox, Owl, Sheep, Mule...• Which animal are you?
• Which animal is your Executive?
• Which animal is each of your Leadership Team?
• Which animal shows true leadership qualities?
Rock and a hard placeA Director from another area of the business has asked you for some information. Their undefined deadline has only just passed and you receive the email I am about to show you. (You genuinely forgot to respond as you have been busy with, for you, more important work).
Rock and a hard placeFrom:To:
A Very Important DirectorYou
I called you last week to get information for the Management Report. You have as yet not responded to me and the CEO is unhappy that his information is incomplete which is reflecting badly on me. I am at a loss as to why you seem incapable to responding to simple information requests on time.As you are reading the email you notice it has been copied to your Executive and the CEO.
Rock and a hard placeConsider:
• Why did the Director cc the email?• Why haven’t the CEO or your Director
responded to either of you?• Why has the Director sent an email rather
than phone you about it?• What sort of mood was the Director in when
the email was sent?• What sort of mood are you in, right now?
Rock and a hard placeConsider:
• What would the Fox do?• What would the Owl do?• What would the Mule do?• What would the Sheep do?
Rock and a hard place
Fox: Would seek to blame and to show that it is not their fault. Their email response, copied to all, would say: “I have been very busy with my Director's trip to Singapore. I am currently unable to collate the information and was given no clear deadline. I believe your Assistantalready has the information”
Rock and a hard place
Mule: Attack may be the best form of defence. Their email, copied to all, might say: “I am currently busy with my Director's trip to Singapore and did not received XYZ from you last week either.”
Rock and a hard place
Sheep: Their email, probably not copied, would state: “I am so sorry, I have been completely snowed under. I will work on this immediately and collate the information you need and get it to you ASAP.”
Rock and a hard placeOwl: Their email, possibly copied to all, may
say: I recognise that you are frustrated and I can understand that. This has been an oversight on my part for which I apologise. I would really appreciate if you could communicate a clear deadline so that I can plan my workload and then I can meet your expectations more effectively in the future.
The Five Steps toEmotional Intelligence
Self awarenessOften our inner drives are hidden from our consciousness. Emotional Intelligence enables us to access this information by helping us tune into our response and identify our hot buttons –those beliefs and values – which, if pressed, evoke the flight or fight responses, trigger an emotion and propel us into action for good or bad.
“I was ashamed and disgusted when I watch the looters and rioters in London a couple of years ago. Their actionswhere inexcusable and deplorable.They destroyed the homes and businesses of decent hard workingpeople. They have no morals or decency.
“I support the actions of the rioters and looters in London last year. The youth
of London are not invested in, they have no career prospects and have
wealth and possessions flaunted in their faces. Fair play to them taking what they could never afford themselves.”
Your Executive has called you from home on the day she is due to presentto the Board on the re-structure of the
PAs within the organization. She cannot come in and wants you to attend the
Board Meeting in her place and present the case.
Automatic Thoughts
Emotions (howdid you feel)
Response (what did you do)
Outcomes (whatwere the consequences)
•Oh my goodness! She can’t be serious? I'vehad no real timeto prepare, my executivedropped this on me at the last minute, we are not ready•Stomach churning, pressure building back of neck
•She (boss) should have done this presentation•I’m going to blow it; I know the Finance Director has it infor me•They will see it’snot clearly planned yet, it will be my fault•I’ll look like a fool
•Anxiety•Fear
•Just managed toget through•Board not entirely convinced•Asked to re-present in a month
Self Awareness
• What is the evidence that the automatic thought is true?
• Could there be an alternativeexplanation?
• What’s the worst/best that couldhappen?
• What is the effect of my believing the automatic thoughts?
• What could be the effect of changing mythinking?
Automatic Thoughts
Emotions (how did you feel)
Response (what did you do)
Outcomes (what were the consequences)
•Oh my goodness –what an opportunity•Ideally, boss should be doing it, but something urgent must have come up•Short notice but done my best within time available•Slight churning in stomach
•Executive has given some steer on key players•Finance Director key stakeholder, need to focus on influencing him•Team has worked hard and I really believe in our approach•Feel positive
•Adrenalin pumping, to be expected•Feel anxious but I am going to knock them dead
•Presentation went great•Got the go-ahead to move to launch date (Finance Director particularly convinced by cost-benefit analysis)
The Dynamics of Emotionctivating event
elief/Interpretation
onsequences/Reaction
Real
Imagined
Rational Response
Irrational Response
Evokes Feelings
Leads to Behaviour
‘People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find time for illness’ John Manamaker
Overload: ◦ Working for many bosses can mean
having too much to do.
Conflicting messages: ◦ The more bosses you have the more
conflicting messages you get.
Loyalty: ◦ Some bosses want to know that
they are your first priority.
Changes in the role mean
And then there’s ‘The Blinkered Boss’
Doesn’t understand how long things take, your workload or priorities – just wants it done
Lack of communication
Can be one of several executives‘No one said the world was fair, only that it was round’
Boundaries
Saying ‘no’ to people can actually be good for your role, your mental health, and your career.
We train people how to treat us
Boundaries - Gain agreement from your Executive on how they see your role, where it starts and where it stops.
Time audit – how much sand?
What to say…John, I’d really like to help you out, I can see you are under pressure, however, I am working on a deadline for David right now and I just don’t have the spare capacity.
I’d really like to say yes, but it’s not something that I’m expert with, have you tried asking (insert name)?
Yes I can help, but it’s not going to be until Thursday morning as I need to finish these reports before I start anything else.
I would really like to help, but I have family commitments this evening and absolutely have to leave on time today.
I’m working on David’s board packs right now, but if you’re able to give me a greater lead time next time, I will be able to schedule it into my priorities.
I can’t right now, I’m sorry.
Remember ‘No’ IS a complete sentence.
Stay very organisedShared diary between you and all your bosses.
Stones in first
If anyone wants sand – especially if you don’t report to them, they come second.
A couple of very sensible quotes…
“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well”
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
Who am I as an Assistant?
MESelf talk, fears,
anxieties, values, hot buttons, emotions,
driver behaviors
Personal Style
Skills
Physical Presence
Impact on others
Energy levels
Non-verbal behavior
Pro-active vs. Reactive Support
Reactive Follower (Passive) – FIRE FIGHTING• Waits for direction and tasks• Little authority, influence or input
Proactive Leader (Assertive) - CONTROLLED• Actively contributes to the business partnership• Understands and supports the business strategy• Meets and sets expectations and deadlines
Developing the business partnership with your Executive/Team
Structured Communication
Offers Insight and ideas
Assertive
Confident
Limited Involvement
Reactive
PARTNER
SUBORDINATE
The two most important questions to ask yourself to move forwards…
• Where can I take on greaterresponsibility?
• How can I add value and expand the current boundaries of my role
How can you createopportunities for yourself?
Identify 3 areas where you think things could be done better
How do you measure the value?Who do you need to influence to make the changes?
What steps do you need to take to make the changes?
Making the transitionand developing the partnership• Plan, plan and plan some more!• Working styles – yours and your bosses• Clarify your current responsibilities and areas of
influence• Determine the areas you want to develop• Plan and book a meeting with your boss
Beware of the Lizard!‘Our Lizard Brain reacts impulsively, like a flick of the tongue.
Our Wizard Brain pauses, ponders, and produces magical possibilities’
Janet Jacobsen
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